Life...love...fate

Looking Back.....

2011-12-21T14:50:00.000+05:30

We live in excess. We have just too many people around us, just too many things to do, just too many issues to tackle and just too many emotions that we feel. Just too many choices to make and too many moments in future wait for us to contemplate on the what-if's.

And amidst all these excesses, we don't really value anything or anyone till it's gone or is temporarily unavailable. Taking something for granted is always easier than acknowledging, right?

I am 23 now and kill me for saying it, but I already miss all the good moments I had in my past, wondering if they ever will come back. Yeah, optimism has never been my strong point.
I remember living like crazy when the days were numbered, feeling obligated to rejoice all the good moments cause soon there would be none. Spending all that I had, living in the moment, not being politically correct and being prone too. Prone to being hurt, be happy, be open to any kind of emotions basically.

I don't do that anymore. Don't get hurt too easily, don't get ~~happy too easily..~~

I have absolutely no clue when and where did those people go from my life. Actually, I do. And it seemed like the most sane and logical thing to happen back then. Looking back, it seems letting them go was the most stupid decision I made. And don't tell me that people are replaceable or shit like, every one has a role to play in someone else's life and then they leave when their part is over.

You might find lots of more people (it's not hard to find more people to interact with), but you can never replace the ones who helped you form your most memorable moments.
Best part? Those very same people seem like completely different individuals now. Time, you are one big manipulative bitch and yet, your bitchiness commands absolute respect.

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationships. ~Iris Murdoch

The Happy post

2011-11-22T16:10:00.001+05:30

There are only two types of women this world...beautiful women and lazy women. I read these lines in some fashion magazine a while ago.
I guess, I fall in the second category. However, that does not negate the fact that I have the highest regard of women my age, older and younger who take that extra effort to groom themselves.

I have never been the prim and proper girl. And I strongly doubt if I ever will be. For starters, my hair's always a mess and on most mornings, I just manage to put together an ensemble from the huge pile of clothes I keep shopping for.
My favorite pastime, ironically, is shopping for everything high-street and scouring fashion blogs. They kinda inspire me, motivate me to be a lil more presentable (however, that motivation vanishes the moment I close that tab)

My supposedly intellectual, feminist self refuses to be drowned in a farce-personality of too many accessories, make up and well-put clothes. Should that make me sad?

I don't think so. Because I know there are way too many other things which should matter and do matter to me than being just jaw-dropping-kinda presentable.

Also, I realized the trick to be happy. Happiness, the phenomenal feeling which needs to be risen from within yourself if you want to be truly happy. There's no point relying on something, someone, some experience or some state of mind to be happy. Because if the presence of that (person, product, experience) has the ability to make us happy in its presence, it also has the ability to make us feel terrible in its absence. On the other hand, the happiness that we feel on our own small successes, everyday learning and experiences cannot be substituted. And I can say this from personal experience. ;)

On a good note, I'm back to exercising regularly (nothing beats the thrill of going jogging on a chilly, winter morning) and reading.

P.S - The image here sums up all that I wanted to say. Take your cue, by happy! :)

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed.” ~ Audrey Hepburn

'Tis a season of confessions

2011-10-13T22:03:00.011+05:30

I'm gonna write this post in a single stream of consciousness, i.e. I will not go back to edit any of the stuff that I write here now. So, please don't complain if the post ends up sounding incoherent or weird...You Were Warned!

I started this blog way back in 2008. Read through some of my older posts and I went like, "jeez, I can't believe I wrote that, how could I even think that?".

I have grown up since then. My school of thought has undergone severe metamorphosis while I finished college, did odd jobs, graduated, tried some more jobs, lost friends I thought I never would, found new friends, been surrounded with people, been alone, experimented with things I shouldn't have, did stuff which I should have.....

Nevertheless, I wouldn't change a thing about those posts or the way I used to think about then.I wouldn't change a thing about my past, because it helped me reach the stage in life where I am today ( and may I dare say, its not a bad phase at all).

I have chronicled a lot of important events in this blog, purged and shared experiences here. However, there are still a few which I never admitted to. Not even to myself.

One of it is about how I feel for others, especially guys. (Yeah, we are talking about my non-existent love life here).
When I was 16, I had a crush on this guy, who was, to put it simply, way out of my league. It felt great initially and then it spiraled into endless bouts of disappointment and depression. The knowledge that that guy would never feel the same about me as I did about him wasn't very great. My grades suffered, so did my self-confidence.
And I ended up shifting my entire focus to my career to get out of that miserable feeling. In the next few years, I managed to do a decent job on the education/professional front and hardened myself to the fancy-shmancy world of dating, coz seriously, I didn't want my confidence to take another beating.

When this year started, I made a simple resolution - to stay true to myself in whatever I do.

I've been in denial for quite some time now. But I shall chronicle it here (again) and accept the fact that I did get a new crush after so many years. The only difference is that I'm not in school anymore, and having crushes at workplace isn't the best thing that can happen to you. To start with, your productivity just goes for a toss and you keep feeling miserable all day long. I realized I haven't changed/improved much in this aspect. I get positively tongue-tied every time I see him, let alone saying a feeble "hi" to him. So, I end up acting like either a total jerk or probably give off the impression of being "some bitch with an attitude problem" to him.
Sigh!

I still keep this guy-who-shall-not-be-named on a very high pedestal, thinking he is never going to take even a second look at me. (okay, who am I really kidding here, this guy wouldn't even care that I exist on the face of this earth)

But this time, I shall give this guy the basic respect he deserves to get, and not try to deride him just for the sake of convincing myself that he is not worth my time or shit like that). If anything, he made me realize that I'm still normal, not emotionally-hardened and can still actually have crushes. (I had a strong self-doubt on the last one ;)

Just that I'm wise enough not to make a fool of myself again by hoping against the hopes that he would ever notice me. Which is okay, really. I'm sure I'm lucky in some other department of life, say career or family or friends. ;)
I'm more glad I at least accepted it.

And you still don't have the right look, and you don't have the right friends,
Nothing changes but the faces, the names and the trends,
High school never ends ~ Carl Reiner

Take Light

2011-09-12T00:03:00.001+05:30

"You said a lot of stuff last night".

"Really? Shit, I can't believe I ended up being so stupid. I was drunk. I didn't mean to say it all. I don't know how I ended up doing that. Was I really rude or harsh?"

"Well, you were okay. You said what you felt and yes, you were a bit rude. But how does that make a difference? The truth is out, alcohol does that to you."

Well, yeah. Alcohol does that to you. It makes you say things you wouldn't say otherwise. It makes you do things you wouldn't do otherwise. It makes you behave like the person you wouldn't normally behave like.

We all are two-faced. No, wait, three-faced maybe. One face is for the world. The other is for people whom we think, know us. And the third face is who looks back at us, when we try to view ourselves in the mirror. Most of us try to hide it.

Why? Did you ask?

Coz we all have our secrets. Little, big, irrelevant, deal-breakers, humbling, humiliating secrets. We all have them. Most of the times, its our opinion on something or feelings about someone that don't seem completely justified, and hence, end up being our "secrets". It would feel terrible to know that somebody else, who isn't familiar with our "third" face knows our secret. No?

Well, I'm gonna let in a little secret here - It is okay to share secrets. It is perfectly okay to share those tiny, insignificant ones which you know aren't going to get your world crashing down. It is okay to purge once in a while.
It is also okay to let out a big secret, however humiliating or hurtful, it might be, when the need arises. When the other person deserves to know. It is okay to unload our weight, shed off some excess baggage once in a while.

Though, most of the times, share it with people who know you. Who have seen your "second face" and whom you can count on to understand you. Your life will be incredibly light and more relieved.
Share secrets. Live light. ;)

Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it a secret, then tell him the truth ~ Old Proverb

A History of Violence

2011-08-13T01:04:00.002+05:30

I've never faced a riot in my life. Considering the fact, that I happen to live in a country which is considered the fourth most unsafe country to live in (yup, that's true as per a recent survey), I count myself lucky.

Living in a developing nation which is prone to terror attacks, rapes, daylight murders and mugging, I often used to think that may be things are better when it comes to other much developed nations of the world. Turns out, it is not.

London has been burning for the fifth day in row now. In fact, the entire Great Britain has been burning. I fail to understand what is so great about Great Britain? It's a nation which predominantly seemed to have the most powerful currency after dollar. The fate of most European trading union could be vastly affected by this single nation till the time its president decided to scoot off to Italy to make the most out of his summer vacation while the entire world waited. Waited for their government to come back in form and announce if they were taking any steps to salvage their reputation.

Agreed that it was a melting pot for various cultures and the "minorities" residing here exceeded the white Britons by leaps and bounds. Agreed that their police forces were considered the most tolerant and their royal family was as regal as regal could be.

Turns out, the various ethnic minorities living here were nursing a grudge, a deep-seated grudge of being treated unfairly by their government, their police forces were not as aggressive in the need of the hour and the decadent royal family.....the lesser said about them, the better.

Hooligans have been torching cars, killing people, looting showrooms and mugging people. Most of these "hooligans" are no older than 20-somethings, wearing hooded clothes to hide their identity and belong to one or the other minority group. What started as a peaceful protest against the illegitimate killing of a civilian has now taken the form of a national epidemic.
At first, the world thought that maybe they are reacting to the unequal treatment meted out to the minority groups. Then it was believed that the masses were revolting against the oppressive government rule and major cuts in public funding that the British government announced to mitigate its debt. It was only after millions of dollars (pounds?) of resources were destroyed in these riots, that the British govt. finally acknowledged it as insurgency.

Just because they had social media at their disposal, opportunity to plunder and feed their insatiable desire for consumerism, these people took advantage of the weak policing and wreaked havoc citing reasons as lame as rebellion against spending cuts.

I just have one question in my mind. What are these people rebelling against? That their nation is faced with the similar recession problem that the rest of the world is battling with?What were they thinking when torching showrooms and mugging people? What sort of rebellion is this?

Maybe, this sums its up - Note that from all reports we know, these rioters come from very different races–including native English people–varying age-groups, different jobs, and includes men as well as women. Among those found looting shops were people in their 30s as well as kids as young as 11. Many of them were seen laughing and having a grand ol’ time as they ransacked liquor shops and stashed up on cigarettes and whiskey and beer bottles.
These rioters are rudderless, mindless, collectivist drones.
And therein lies the clue to their behavior. Ask yourself, how does one become a rudderless, mindless, collectivist drone? One answer is when you are never confronted with the necessity to use your own independent mind.
The United Kingdom of Great Britain–one of the largest welfare states in the world–has been nurturing and breeding a mind-numbed cadre of youngsters who are living on dole-outs, whose life, survival, and sustenance are someone else’s responsibility.
These are people who are not demanded to think and confront the fragility of their own survival. These are Britons who are not demanded to be productive. These are citizens who are shielded from the bitter sting of starvation; from the panic of creeping death and the urgency of survival, much hundreds of other less fortunate nations in the world.
What we see now is the logical consequence of a mighty, paternalistic welfare state breeding a class of moochers who simply find no urgency in using their own mind to think–to reason–and therefore, believes that they simply cannot find their own way out of marginalization.
Indeed, this underclass of citizens has been so dis-empowered–not by any remnants of a capitalist structure in English society–but by the very bloated welfare government that was allegedly meant to “empower” them that they no longer believe it possible to them to get out of their miserable conditions.

It's a sad situation and maybe, just maybe, once Britain is done dealing with this terrible episode, world media will hail it again for its fierce and quick response or hail the indomitable spirit of Britons who have been bravely facing riots in its hisotry. (Mumbai terror attacks, anyone).

Instead of a quote, I'm gonna leave you with a link shared by my friend, Rachit which reveals the true picture of this macabre event.

Sounds Famil(y)iar?

2011-07-03T21:18:00.002+05:30

"Family is just accident.... They don't mean to get on your nerves. They don't even mean to be your family, they just are".

I came across these lines recently. So simple and yet they answered one of my most favorite questions about my family that I often ask myself.

Families are weird. Either that, or I really need a psychiatric. I don't know what is it with families, sometimes, I even fail to understand the concept of a family.
~~Why do we even really need one, like really?~~ Ok, strike that, that's just my fed-up mind speaking.
I see friends. And their friends. And friends of friends of friends. All of them belong to some family and what surprises me most is that no two friends would ever boast of having identical families.
Everyone's is unique and the problems, characteristics, qualities they come with are quite unique as well.

On days, we would love them. We would hate them but we can't imagine our lives without them. They are our first point of contact with humans when we enter this world (for most of us, at least).

I have friends who want to give a serious thought to "starting a family in near future".
Phew, I guess that's a whole lot of hard work, responsibilities and headache that we sign up ourselves for.

From a point that I see it, raising a family is no child's play. And your kids will eventually imbibe your qualities, will reflect and even follow your acts, accept you/ reject you as their role models depending upon the conditioning they receive.
So, if you are a great person, you will probably bring in more number of nice individuals in this world. But if you are someone who is not quite sure of him/herself, morally/mentally breaks down during the tedious process of raising a family, there are chances that the children too, will spend a considerable amount of time trying to figure out wrong from the right, exploring things, know themselves and then, take a stand.

I know I'm probably too inexperienced to be writing all this.
On days, I really wonder what would have I been had I not been living with my family. I know I would have been a far more independent and calmer person. But then, I know I would also have not imbibed some moral qualities that I have and take pride in.

We can choose our friends, but we cannot select which family we ultimately get born into.
So, no matter how much we crib/hate/love/be embarrassed of/adore/get jealous of our families, that is one truth that we can't change about ourselves.
I guess I will make peace with that fact too and graciously accept my at-times embarrassing, at-times supportive and madhouse loud Punjabi family with utmost humility.
Maybe that should calm me down, for some time at least.

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts. ~Author Unknown

Making sense of it all..

2011-06-18T20:43:00.002+05:30

Has it ever happened to you that you tried reading a "famous" novel or watching a movie but couldn't get it? And then you happen to come across the same novel or movie again, years later, give it another try and voila, it seems to make sense? Not only make sense but you are better capacitated to appreciate the beauty of it?

Well, I don't know how many of you reading this would agree to the above statement but it most definitely has happened to me. So many times. Case in point, its true that we mature over years and become more able to handle things we couldn't even understand earlier.
The funny thing is there are so many things in my life which still baffle me in quite the same fashion as they used to years earlier. These are the things which make me doubt if I'm growing and becoming mature by the day at all or not!

Most of them are regarding people in my life and not things anymore. Tangible things, complex subjects and issues I can handle now, its the people around me which baffle me. Like this best friend I never had. I never could quite understand whether she liked me, hated me or secretly despised me. I still can't. It was like being judged all the time. Being judged if you achieve something, being judged if you date a guy and being terribly judged on how to behave and my clothes when I used to be around her. I never quite came around to telling her that this behavior of her's confuses me, not to forget prevents me from respecting her completely.
Also, that she was this perfectly normal, affectionate friend for others, but for me.
God knows it that the day I lose it or I'm too drunk, I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind. But maybe, I'm just too coward to do it, thinking it would hurt her feelings and all.

I fail to understand why we allow ourselves to become a doormat for someone, allow ourselves to be "used" emotionally, mentally and professionally by others. In our hearts, we know we would never take this bullshit and we still do.
It's this human tendency to be loved, to be wanted and the due course, somewhere it all just gets too confusing.

These people around me are the new "challenging" novels in my life that I still haven't been able to figure out. But eventually I will and probably, I would also then know how to behave appropriately.
Amen.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values ~ Marshall Rosenberg

Missing the Point

2011-05-24T00:58:00.001+05:30

There is this very interesting animated video which a friend showed me the other day.

The video featured 13 men, carrying heavy buckets of water from left to right. When the video starts, a warning message appears, "Notice the thirteen men in the video. One of them would drop the bucket. If you notice which one drops, you win".

Being my usual self, I got into my I-will-win-no-matter-what mode within seconds. For the next thirteen minutes, I observed the 13 men, painfully entering the screen from left, carrying the buckets in their hand and exiting from right.

When the video got over, I gave my friend a quizzical look. "Damn, no body dropped their bucket", I exclaimed.

"Wait, the video is not over yet", he said.

A message appeared on screen now. It said, "Did you notice that a bear appeared on the stage during the video, danced around and left?"

"Hell, no! I was watching the video closely. I didn't notice any bear coming on the stage", I exclaimed.

At my insistence, my friend replayed the video again. And there it was, halfway through the video, a white bear appeared on the corner of stage, jiggled around and left. I, on my part, was dumbfounded!

Was I really that stupid to not notice a huge bear? Or wait, maybe I could use a visit to the eye doctor.

"Well, that's not the case. It's all about your focus", my friend explained.

"When you were watching the video, you were too busy trying to find fault with one of the 13 men that you forgot to notice anything else in the video."

The moral of the story is simple - We only see what our eyes want to see and our eyes will not see what our mind does not know.

Maybe, that's what I have been doing for quite some time now. Focusing too hard on certain things while completely ignoring others.When I started writing this blog, it was a way to vent out my feelings and experiences, even if they didn't mean anything to anyone but me.

Sometimes it felt nice to come up with a "good" post which people liked and appreciated. However, I was not trying to become some super talented writer whose pen spewed only thought-provoking words. I was just laying bare my feelings, because sometimes its good to get the word out.

But that's just it!!!!

It gets stupid when you start focusing too hard on something that you used to do effortlessly earlier. Be it writing, drawing, acting, selling, cooking anything!

It becomes more of a distraction than an ease when something which is the source of your catharsis becomes the reason for your distraction. Maybe, that's what I stop need to do. Trying too hard where I don't need to.

This whole time when I did not record my experiences or memories simply seems as it just "flew by". Truth is, I stopped taking time out to appreciate little things, record special experiences My entire focus throughout this time was to make something out of my life. So much so, that I forgot to see what my life has to offer me right now. I looked straight through it. That's precisely when I missed the point. ,

Writing was a distraction. Taking out time to write seemed like a burden. When I would sit down to write, ideas wouldn't come because frankly, I never bothered to look up and notice things around me as they are.

My entire focus was to bring back my original style till the time I sat wondering,"Heck, I don't even know what IS my original style. How can I recreate something I have no fucking idea about."

Truth is, I might miss writing sometimes. But what I miss more is acknowledging and appreciating the day-to-day experiences that life has to offer me. Because my real learnings are from the experiences I had. Not from some lame posts on a virtual platform.

Maybe my original style lies in observing my life from a closer perspective. Documenting it in a blog could only qualify as a formality I do in the end of that process. I don't really miss the writing, I just miss the memories, which could have been!

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self ~ Cyril Connolly

Suits Me? Suits Me Not?

2011-04-27T23:54:00.002+05:30

There is no such thing as a one-size-suits-all in certain aspects of our lives, I guess. In the last few months, I've figured out certain aspects where I would prefer a custom tailoring please.

I write. Or rather, let's just say I used to write. Of late, I don't write. Don't write what I would have preferred to write, scribble my thoughts on a paper, type them out and share them. No, no, I just don't do that anymore.
Am I happy? Hell, no!
Let's just put it like this. I'm 22 years old. Have always been writing. Started out my career early, as a writer and pretty well flourished in it. And then, Bam! One wrong decision and I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Or rather, I do know but I just dont have enough guts to go out and do it.

Now, this is more or less of what I write(endless number of times in a day, mind you)

Hello,
This is in reference to the job opening on XYZ job portal by you. I'm interested in applying for the position of Copywriter/Principal Correspondent/Editor/Sr. Content Developer and Corp Comm Manager post. Please find my resume attached. Available for discussion. Feel free to contact me at ***********.
Kind Regards
Prianca Arora

Well, yeah, that is more or less what I get to write nowadays. No, I'm not jobless. In fact, people tell me that I'd got myself quite a killer job (high pay, perks, stylish office, yada,yada,)
In fact, I work quite a lot. Enough to keep me busy and away from blogging. And that sucks!
There came a point when I was angry. Really angry. I was angry at all the people who forced me to go ahead and grab this opportunity with both hands. Could they not see what I was in for. I was angry at myself for being so naive.

Then, came a point of relentless damage control. Frantically applying everywhere to get out of my current situation. Seems life doesnt always work in our way. It was only after I got myself into a completely wrong job (for me) that I realised the importance of a right job and things which matter more than monetary incentives. But this time, jobs were hard to come by. A few did and they paid very handsomely too. The only glitch was that they wanted me to do boring, mechanical and completely technical work. Coming from an Arts background, I can't even begin to explain the horrorful feeling when I realized that I'm surrounded by core-technical people, who might not have even a single creative bone in their body!
Okay, maybe I'm being a bit too harsh here but come on, like can't they see why I am looking for a change in the first place?

And now, it's all too funny to me now. I'm bored of being stressed, tired of applying. Plus, the negative factors at work just dont bother me anymore. It's like bing elevated to a higher state of calmness, from where you see things in a different light, from a new perspective that you'd never considered before.
I remember the old times. I had this huge list of things I wanted to buy when I would earn big bucks. Now, that I do have that kind of money, the desire to spend it is gone. Now, what do I do when I get my monthly paycheque? Nothing. I let it rot.

I have the option of moving out, leaving this job (and the big bucks) and simply go with the flow. Like take a break from work. Be vella. That would be a task for me now. Especially, with everyone around discouraging me. All they see is that paycheques would stop flowing in.
I feel that calmness and clarity might seep in my life once I get out. Honestly, I'm so used to working now that not working would demand some preserverance from me. On hindsight, I'm thankful I had this experience so early in my life. It's not until we find ourselves in completely unsuitable situations that we realize what suits us most, realize the importance of things and people who matter but whom we took for granted earlier.

It's never too late to be what you might have been! ~ George Eliott

Not Giving Up!

2011-02-08T16:47:00.001+05:30

Hello you shiny, happy, people. Been quite some time, eh?
Wish you guys a very, very Happy New Year! :)
Yeah, I know I'm a little late in the day but then, punctuality has never really been my style and no, I'm not proud of it.
In fact, I've had a pretty hard time trying to tame myself, instill some self-discipline in me and keep doing things which I need to do. Getting out of discipline can be a terrible, terrible thing. So I learnt in the last four months when I allowed the monotony of my routine life take complete control over me.

It's kind of a phase when you get so embroiled in your day, doing the same task everyday that you forget whether you are living your life or is your life living you. It becomes more important to sit online in front of the office computer than to squeeze out an hour for taking a jog in the park or spending time with people who matter to you.

Moments before I started writing this blog, I was going through my last post (which was written ages ago it seems). I was surprised to read it. No, frankly, I sound so mature and sorted-about-life kinda girl in that post. Truth be told, I'm not that sorted in my life. No one really is.
After reading it and wondering what was I smoking when I wrote it, I realised I was perfectly sane when I wrote it. Those thoughts are mine and I completely believe in them. Just that, I forget to follow it too often. See, that's what monotony does to you. It makes you drift away from what is important, what matters for you to stay happy.

My life has all been about being true to myself every day. It's one thing that I tell myself the moment I get up in the morning. I try to stay true to myself, do and speak what my conscience allows. The rest of the daily tasks automatically keep falling in place without me getting into any trouble. I have lost most of my friends in the last one year and haven't been very lucky in making new friends either. In office, I'm surrounded by people who are far older than me. These people discuss their daily affairs with me while I lend them a patient ear. Some speak about a pending divorce, then others can't stop gushing about their upcoming marriage and honeymoon plans. Some are contemplating over settling abroad then other are worried sick about their children's upcoming board exams.
Some consider having a baby while others think of retirement. Nobody really bitches about a PYT's current flame or the next night-out. It's a different world altogether where they give me a peek-a-boo of what kind of life lies ahead.

It's scary at times. And I've learnt it the hard way that I can no longer afford to be my usual, chirpy self here in office. These people are far beyond the phase of life that I'm currently in, thus, all my issues seem trivial to them. Which is okay. It just helps me to figure out that there are things which are more important than what troubles me right now.

It helps me to differentiate between my professional self (where I try to focus on the more sincere and reliable part of my personality) and my usual, normal self (where I'm a complete brat for my friends and family). No, I won't stop being a brat. I won't stop saying what I really feel to my friends and family. I simply won't mature beyond my years and pretend to be some wise hoe all the time. It's just too much of unnecessary work. I do act wise when there is a need to be and I guess that's more than enough. Enough of defensiveness here....so I'll rest my case. Till next time. :)

Never underestimate your problems or your ability to deal with them ~ Robert H. Schuller

Uncomplicating Life

2010-10-24T19:45:00.003+05:30

I've been up and away for quite some time now and had my own reasons to do so apart from the usual, of course - being lazy. The last two months have been crazy - filled with all sorts of emotions possible, boredom, speculation, anxiety, dejection, self-realization, ditching, being ditched, joy and what not!

My last post reads about how I was getting to know the "real" society we live in closely and here I am now, comfortably away from it. Having chosen to become a part of the mere periphery of this society. For the sake of a comfortable career, I distanced myself from all the drama, dejection and drudgery (if you may call it).

Two months ago, I was a journalist. Today, I am rubbing shoulders with corporate big-wigs, unlearning the art of being sensitive and training my mind to become as snobbishly professional as possible. But then, there are moments of course, special moments where I wonder if all this change was worth it, if I have done the right thing and most importantly, will I ever be able to make friends again. Luckily, I really dont have any reasons to regret and I'm quite loving this challenge to fit in here.

Three weeks into this new corporate world taught me one thing (apart from million other corporate jargon ) - that once you're out of school/college, dont expect to find friends in aloof colleagues, being sensitive doesnt help and people will deceive you in order to get ahead! I guess, I'm still getting used to this hard fact.

I miss the people I befriended during my college days. At work, I wish I could just simply get away from the laptop, chuck those heels and formals and meet up with them in jeans and chappals. And I know I will have to keep bumping into them to keep my sanity alive.

Too much of update about me. On second thoughts, I wonder how many of us forget to live for the sake of earning a living. How many of us cancel our meet-up plans with old friends for the sake of catching up on sleep, finishing pending work etctera. How many of us yearn to find genuine, smiling, trustowrthy friends/mate while leading a workoholics life but are not able to come across many or at times, even one? I've realized there are many such people like me! Pretending to be insensitive coz of the cold vibes they get from others but who cherish their old friends like gold.

Thus, there are a few changes I've decided to incorporate in my life which I think are more essential than getting a nice job, a fat salary and a successful career. And yes, I speak from experience.

Give a polite smile to strangers if I happen to make an eye-contact with them. (There is nothing more reassuring than to bump into a stranger, even for a minute, and realise that they like to see you as you are)
Not to make assumptions about anyone. (Because I really dont know what their journey has been all about)
Forgive but not forget. (because If I forget, I'm bound to repeat the mistake again)
Respect people and their choices in life, no matter how terribly different they might be from yours. (Because one would hate to be in a world where everyone was alike, duh, what about surprises?)
Try to be a lil more calmer, happier and make peace with what I've got in life. (Do I really need to explain this one? ;))
Keep my friends, my loved one close and ignore the male and female bitches and the negative energy they bring along with them. (That is my tried and tested mantra for happiness.)

So, what is it that motivates you to be happy or seems like a way to become a better person?

Would love to know.

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be ~ Marcel Pagnol

Gay me some love!

2010-07-22T18:49:00.005+05:30

Alright, was just reading another blog here and realized that I haven't updated this page in two whole months. gasp gasp....that has to be the longest time that I stayed away from this page ever since I made it. Anyhow, I'm back and how!
Update on life, love and fate...here goes:

Life - Still continuing with the very exhausting internship.....social life is finished, friends have graduated, got married, got lost and I'm still here, slogging. But on second thoughts, won't crib about it anymore coz nobody really wants to read how pathetic someone else's life is. Gotta say, that is the only lesson I've learnt about working for page 3. People would always want to read about how exciting and happening other's lives are, not otherwise.
Love - Hmm, as peter puts it aptly, no love lost, no love found! :((
Fate - has somehow entered into a secret liaison with all my enemies (wondering if I have any) and is currently being loyal to them. All their imaginary banes are proving effective now.

Ahem, now that the cribbing part is over. Lets get back to some serious blogging. At times, when I'm not working and my mind is realllly empty (yes, that happens too), I wonder how many gay friends one can possibly have or even how many gay people one know of. Before coming to page 3, I knew of only one gay friend. He was my best friend way back in high school and at that point of time, I even refused to acknowledge the fact that he was a homo. I just took him as my best girlfriend in the garb of a guy. But today, I can name at least 30 gay people I know even in my sleep. They are like everywhere....designers, stylists, businessmen, actors, sportsmen. Initially, my reaction would be like..."whoa, is he gay? I never knew that" and pat would come the reply, "Really? Didn't knew? What, were you sleeping all this while"?

Not that I have anything against them. I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant. In fact, most of them are really nice. They are far more in touch with their sensitive side, are genuinely friendly or someone with whom you could have the most pleasant conversations ever. But the handpicked few who are snooty, I mentally scream at them, "Beyond you, BITCH". But then, those much-famous "straight" celebs could give them a run for their money in terms being snooty too.
It's the prejudice that other straight men have against them that disturbs me. Not that I'm really fond of the much famous MCP mentality that guys in Delhi have...but every time that someone passes a snide remark on someones sexual orientation, I feel like going ahead and reprimanding them (though I never do it). Why does it bother you if someone chooses to sleep with a guy or a girl or Why on earth are you getting so uncomfortable if the person concerned is comfortable in his own skin? Wasn't Section 377 decriminalised more than a year ago?

It's not that they have committed some serious crime or something. If they finally have the guts to come out of the closet, why can't these narrow minded people come out of their obnoxiousness and hypocritical standards. Seriously, beyond me!

I've met very few dumb gay guys. It takes some intelligence and insight to figure out you're gay and then a tremendous amount of balls to live it and live it proudly. ~Jason Bateman

It's back in my life .....

2010-05-26T01:17:00.000+05:30

I know I have blogged about it here before. But seriously, loneliness is a dangerous situation to be in. An extended siesta with this feeling can leave you feeling robbed of all the positiveness and happiness inside and around you. I admit, I'm a chronic victim to loneliness. I've been lonely. A lot. I still am.

Let's just say I live in one of the most populated cities in the world. I am surrounded by a lot of people at work and at parties which I have to attend. And yet, I'm lonely. So lonely that I tend to break down while working, while walking on the road. It's this awful feeling where you realize everybody around you is there only because they want something from you. What about friends, you say?
Friends eventually found other friends, I say. People whom my friends found out to be more fun-loving and more available than I ever could be. Yes, I feel bad that my friends forgot me when I didn't ever gave them a chance to ignore me. But it's alright. They don't care much. I used to keep everything on hold for them, postpone my meetings and work just to spend enough time with them. And they didn't care enough.

Life is funny. When I was younger, say in college, I always wanted to be at all the happening places with all my friends. They did used to go out but never invited me along. Now, I'm there at all the page 3 parties and major gigs in town, attending the most premier events. Just that I have nobody to hang out with there. It's only I and my work. I go for shopping alone, eat at restaurants alone and have even watched movie shows all alone now. Simply because nobody was interested in accompanying me.

I try not to feel sorry about myself but then if anybody else would be in my position, I obviously would feel bad for them. Then whom am I fooling?

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy ~ Dante

And they call me WEIRD!

2010-05-21T21:47:00.002+05:30

"How weird are you?"

I fail to understand why most of the people keep bombarding me with this same question. Eccentric, Yes, I could be. Weird? Definitely not! On the hindsight, I find most of the people equally weird around me. So, I tend to mentally forgive them if they fail to understand me. I'm not any better at understanding fellow human beings.

My life is slowly becoming a walking contradiction. A life where I swtich personalities depending upon my geological location. When I'm working as a Page 3 journalist, I get to meet some of the most high-profile celebrities and socialites. I get special entries and reserved seats at big do's where I address social big-wigs not as Sir or Mam but with their first name, chatting up with them as if I was one of them. Of course, all this is but a farce. I've realised how fake smiles are, how pretentious personalities can be. They talk to me only so that I might give them some good press. Once you are out of the event, you are the normal, middle-class girl again who is struggling to make a mark in her career.

I'm at a loss when at home, usually because I'm too tired when I return. I don't give crap and don't take any from my siblings who are way too busy in their lives. Mostly, home is just a pit-stop before I embark for work again.

And then, comes my favourite part. Despite having saved enough to own a sedan now, I'm still travelling by metro. Because this is where I meet most interesting people. People who are far more interesting than those socialities whom I interview. At the risk of being called a pervert (realises her "about me" already mentions that, anyhow who cares), I've started peeping into other's lives, while travelling in the metro.

It all happened by chance. A girl sitting next to me, dressed as a complete wannabe (the kinds you can easily find in a metro) was busy texting on her phone. I tried to overlook but it isn't exactly my fault if the text size on her screen was too big. I happened to read her msgs, which went like:

Girl - Nahi, pehle aap apna naam batao

Sender- Mera naam toh Raj (how fake!) hai.

Girl - Acha, naam chodo, aapko mera no. kahan se mila? Aapne kabhi dekha hai mujhe?

Sender - Haan, aapke college ke bahar.

My keen observation skills told me that she was going to give her correspondence exams. The book in her lap said "King's Champion, Open"

Wow! The girl was supposedly texting a random guy who happened to get her no. by chance and was simply trying his luck! I was amused. But then consciously stopped peeping because it was so stupid and my inherent social skills seemed to be cringing within.

The very next day, I was sitting next to a lady who could be as old as my mother. Grey hairs and all, she seeemd to be headed towards her office when she got a text and replied.

Sender: No dear, I'm only 35. (I mentally screamed, ONLY???? 35 IS A LOT OF AGE MAN)

The lady passed a hand through her hairs blushed and started replying.

Lady - Ok. I am 35 too but don't look like one. I look younger. ( I again mentally screamed,, YEAH, RIGHT!)

Sender - I'm waiting to see you in person dear. Let's meet up.

Ok, this one was seriously funny. I've realised its not only socialites who want the spotlight on them. Normal people won't mind some attention too. Nevermind the fact that it is from some random despo who has got nothing more than a free msg scheme in his phone and horniness on his mind.

And they call ME weird. Of all people!!! Didn't I say, life is funny!

It's better to watch things than to do them ~ Homer Simpson

The Age of Innocence

2010-04-12T13:19:00.000+05:30

The thought, rather a memory, occured to me yesterday. I doubt if any one of you remembers the television serial "Just Mohabbat" that used to be aired years ago on Sony. I recalled a scene (all of a sudden) where the protagonist, Jai (grown up version) is crying. His imaginary friend, whose name now escapes my memory walks up to him and asks why is he crying

Jai - I'm crying because I have lost my innocence.

Imaginary friend - What's that? Where did you lose it? Did you drop it somewhere?
And there, his friend begins searching for innocence among the dusty ground, as if it was a misplaced ball, lost while playing gully cricket.

I smiled to myself when I thought of this scene. Weird scenes, which pop up from the deepest layers of memory and tell you what have you been missing all this while. Maybe, it's criminal to be innocent now. I, see my ten year old cousin sister who has got far more attitude than what a bitchy babe in any of the chick flicks could ever have. Yet, my younger sis is innocent and admirable in her own way and I, do not say this simply because she is my sister. I say this because I know that she is yet unaware of the world and how it works. She tends to act smart only about things she can understand. Her smartness often gives way to innocent questions and remarks which leave me feeling amused.

And with this thought comes the knowledge that no matter how hard I try, I cannot be my innocent self again. I want to unlearn the art of ignoring random men who tend to check me out when I travel. I want to unlearn the fact that people judge other people on the basis of which car they drive and what have they accomplished in life. I want to unlearn those fake smiles. I want to kill this spirit of cut throat competition, revenge,professionalism and probably lose a bit of attitude too.

I want to smile a smile which is reflected in my eyes....even if it happens once in a blue moon. I want to paint with water colours, smear glue on my hands and desk and wait so that I can peel it off. I want to dance on the tunes of mowgli and ride my bicycle again all around my colony. I want to believe in fairy tales where pumpkins were coaches, mice would turn into horses and the world was a beautiful place during the day, but scary by night. I want to be a child again!

The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but Time ~ William Butler Yeats

Changes are Good

2010-03-30T13:15:00.001+05:30

It's been a long and probably well deserved break for me. I'm back, rather, I'm supposed to be back at work. This is what I keep telling my mind all the time. But taking commands is not something I'm quite used to, neither is my mind.

This year kickstarted with a lot of changes. Everyday a new change unfolds itself, forcing me to throw away my comfort zones, my comfortable, complacent self whom I knew so well into a spiral of anonymity. No, I've not doped. I've had my share of sleep and saying I'm stressed wouldn't be true either. It's just that I'm taking my time to soak it all in. I'm taking my time to get used to the constant changes unfolding in front of me.

Change #1 - Bespectacled to Boho Chic
I finally got my surgery done. I'm still taking my time to get used to the fact that I do not need to wear my red rimmed specs anymore. I don't need to undergo the hassle of wearing lenses every morning. I can see well with my naked eyes. Too bad, my different colored lenses are a waste now. Moreoveer, the doc asked me to stay away from eye makeup for another one month. Result? I look dead without kajal...as a person at work commented today morning. Too bad, she is right.

Change #2 - Classroom to Cubicles
I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm done with my fair share of studying. At least for the time being. I get out of my home everyday. Only to go to an office rather than college. Studies over, slogging is about to commence. I'm somewhere in the middle. Still an intern.

Change #3 - Dreams to Dread
As I type this, I'm sitting in the Times of India ka office. This is a place where I'd always wanted to be. The place is HUGE. The facilities are endless. The work as an intern is almost next to none. This place is way better than my college. Anyhow, the fact that it's an office makes my stomach churn. Logically speaking, this is my fifth work place in the last four years (I was always working, even through college) and though it is by far, the most beautiful, biggest, sexiest office where I've worked till now, I'm not liking it here.
I'm afraid I'm bored of offices already. Alright, I want to work. But I really don't want to spend the majority of my life, sitting in a cubicle, murdering my lil bit of social life too. Guess you can't have your cake and eat it too!

Change #4 - Kadki to K-Ching
Yeah, this is the only change that I 'm really happy about. I'm no longer broke. I will be paid for my internship in the months to come. Besides the freelance projects keep my hands full. All the time. I can finally spend as much as I want to. On whatever I want to. Yes, I feel empowered. Considering the shopholic I am, I ought to. I mean, come on, I just got myself a new phone, bought shitty expensive stuff which I'm still wondering if I'll wear or not and still managed to save quite a few grands. I likes!

Change # 5 - Chaotic to Calm
I'm finally at peace...or shall we say, this is the highest stage that I've reached so far in this game called "Chuck Chaos, Catch Calmness". :p
I screamed at my sis only twice in the last week, threw tantrums in front of bf and dad/mom hardly three times and didn't feel like slapping anyone. Wow. I'm improving.

Change # 6 - Frustrated to Free
Yes, I'm free now. No, not with that fattening pack of chips. I'm free as in I'm no longer burdened with work. In fact, there is hardly any work to do. So much so, that I even manage to finish all my freelance projects in the office itself. Just that I'm not free to go out and roam around. But the work stress is definitely gone.
Yes, you can send in your sweater to be knitted. Seriously, I'm that velli. Might as well do it here. Charges? Only Rs 100 per minute. :P

P.S - I never slap anyone. Never have. Never will. It's just that urge which I have mastered to control.

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine ~ Robert C. Gallagher

I have my fingers crossed....

2010-03-06T15:27:00.000+05:30

There is a lot of stuff about me which even the closest of my pals don't know about. Random stuff, such as I keep imagining how would my sister react when I run away for a world trip from home (which is never going to happen *wink*). Everybody has some random details which are not worth telling to others. I had one such random detail, hmm, online secret, should we say, about me. I loved this particular blog...

I can't recall how I came across this blog for the first time. But I'd been hooked ever since. I never marked it in the following list or blog roll and all that jazz. And still I used to visit it everyday, hoping for a new post. So much so, that the name of her blog became the password for my lappy. There are things which tend to stick with you. Her words were one of them. The reason why I loved this blog so much was precisely because the author of the blog was exactly my age. Blogging for her seemed to be a refuge from the world around her. She was from Constitución, i suppose. She never posted anything very specific about her life, just random ponderings and thoughts. Her thoughts were exactly like mine. Only that she cared enough to post them. I didn't. It was fun going to someone else's blog and reading your own thoughts. A frequent blogger she is.

Sadly enough, she has not posted in a long time now. And I'm scared. I have this stupid, stupid premonition that she is not well or something. She lived in the town which suffered the maximum damage in the recent earthquake to have hit 53 countries. While working, while studying, I keep wondering what she would be doing right now. Is she all right? If she is, why isn't she posting something? I can't comment or get in touch since she'd always disabled comments on her blog. She might wouldn't even know that I exist on other side of the globe. And she hasn't posted anything since the quake.

I know I think way too much. I know I should better worry about thousand other things in my life which are not right. I know she might be plain busy or not in a mood to post anything. But it's been quite some time now and it's strange because she used to post everyday. E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y

I'm not selfish or waiting for her post to kill my boredom. I just hope she is alright.

We have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic ~ Susan Jeffers

Learning to stick...

2010-02-28T23:03:00.001+05:30

When I was young,young enough where my mind was uninfluenced, uninspired to be impressed upon and all that I was armed with was a rather naive understanding of the world.......Yes, that was the time when some of my most important character traits were born.Some of my most prominent character traits include my extreme anger, my belief in honesty and hard work and my aversion to guys.

Funny it is. I was deeply influenced by my dad to be honest in matters of money and merit. I never accepted something which was not duly earned by me. So much so, that I promptly asked my teacher to flunk me when I was in sixth grade...My Math teacher had given me 42/100 (I barely managed to pass...which was good as I'd been flunking in my last two terminals). Much to my dismay, I found out that there was a calculation mistake. My score was only 36/100. I counted and re-counted. It was still 36/100. My heart sank and still I went back to the teacher and asked her to rectify the mistake. She looked at me scornfully (obviously, your math teacher is not going to be very pleased by you, if you tell her that she has committed a calculation error). On second thoughts, she might as well have been thinking whether I was out of my mind! Anyhow, she promptly changed the 42 to 36 with a big red mark, FAIL written on my answer sheet.

I was happy that day. I had managed to stay true to myself. It's an altogether different fact that the rest of the class was jeering at me, calling me a jerk to have done that! The scolding that I got from my family for failing again didn't make things any better either.

The next semester I promptly passed, with a score of (hold your breath) 84/100. (thanks to my new math tutor).

I remember I was crying when I got my answer sheet. I was happy, while the teacher kept glaring at me scornfully. (yes, she hated me for some unfathomable reason. My math teachers have never really liked me anyhow).

That was years ago. Cut to the present. I'm grown up, still trying to stick to those ideals. People still make fun of me, all the time. And sadly enough, I get to know about it (hurts!). I see people around me , squandering their parent's wealth, flunking, getting fake degrees and they still call me a jerk for I don't drive a posh car ( what posh, I don't even drive a car or a bicycle for that matter), I don't hang out at the famous nightclubs, I'm always slogging, not living my life and I'm not COOL enough ..whatever.

My most major struggle has been not to give in to sycophancy and believe me, I've been paying quite a heavy price for it for quite some time now. I know my life will be a hell lot easier only If I could tweak my rigid morals a bit here and there...But I am not going to do it. I respect myself. I want to continue respecting myself.

Maybe I will drive a car one day, the one that is hard earned and I will have enough time to go clubbing and partying without having to worry about my assignments, my submissions, magazines and what not!

Till then, I'll try to be content with my life. I'll try to crib a little less. And make peace with myself because this is the life I chose for myself.

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything ~ Alexander Hamilton

P. S - The pic included is ironical to the content but it pretty much sums up my mental state. It says what my words couldn't.

Men and their stupid inquisitiveness

2010-02-15T10:18:00.003+05:30

Let me think of it this way. . . you are only as good as your last performance. A small sabbatical is enough to entitle people around you to point fingers at you and deem you not good enough. You cannot be lucky in every frigging department of your life. I believe I got my fair share of luck in the talent and love department.

And for all those suckers who can't help but stalk me regarding my personal life, this is for you man-bitches

I'm very much entitled to my share of personal life. Don't you dare interfere in it unless you are looking forward to be thoroughly insulted. If I trusted you and cared for you enough, I would have kept you in the loop. So, please don't try to figure out the details of my personal life and jump to ridiculous conclusions.
Yes, I do not believe in god and in the concept of marriages. You heard me right. So, don't ya dare raise your eyebrows at me and decide that I'm not good enough for you. Because, I'm anyhow way out of your league and I am never going to give you even the remotest illusion that I'm interested in you. Try to accept it.
I've had enough of guys who try to lecture me on how I should behave responsibly or get my moral ethics straight. I know my limits very much, thank you. Now, get the fuck out of my zone.

I know that I sound like an arrogant bitch on PMS for what I stated above but truth be told, I'm not. I'm in the most sensible moods of mine when I post this. It's just that I've been too drowned in work and the last thing I could expect was unnecessary male attention. Let me set the record straight for once and all - I'm not interested in you guys, alright?

The irony of life is such.

Men who are nice, well read and have a good sense of humor have got better things to do than hit on me. (And I secretly appreciate them for this)

Men who have got no brains but are all brawl can't stop bothering me. ( And I do not respect you guys at all)

P.S. On second thoughts, I had the most wonderful surprises bestowed on me this Valentines by S. I'm glad some good things are always there. True love is like a pet who will still lick you and love you on your return, no matter how cranky a day you've had at work. Bliss!

Don't let a man put anything over you except an umbrella ~ Mae West

I'm going to sleep with him again tonight.....

2010-01-29T20:30:00.004+05:30

I don't know how to put it.....But i think being lonely is not fun anymore. I used to tell myself that I am my best friend, I should love myself, bla bla bla. The sad part is that I've been really lonely in the past few days. So much so, that it has begun to scare me.

Every evening when I walk back home, when I'm travelling alone, when I'm working, in class ...everywhere...I can sense it creeping up behind me. It does not say anything. It just sits besides me, smirking at me. It seems to say..."Hey babes, I'm back! did you miss me all this time?"

I hardly talk to anyone in class or at my workplace and that is not helping at all. In fact, I know it makes me feel all the more lonelier. It's as if this wretched feeling of loneliness hugged me once and then, forgot to move away.

Just yesterday, I was talking to a really sweet, fellow mate of mine (which is rare..both mine talking and my classmates being sweet to me) and we discussed what after studies? Further studies or job? It was out of chance that I told her that I'm working with a youth mag, writing content for online portals, managing content writers, attending college and attending various meetings which my work demands....I don't know why she was dumbstruck. She gaped at me and said "Look at you, you are only 21, you need to slow down" ........

Truth be told, I actually feel burdened all the time. Even in my sleep. But then this is the lifestyle I chose for myself. I like writing. So I take up any writing job which does not ask me to interact with people. Writing is a solitary profession after all. I've realized I have a very, very low tolerance for stupidity and girly behavior (no offence). No, to put it in better words, I avoid talking to people, who I know do not matter.

I know this is not the best thing to do. But the fact is I already have too much work and indulging in unnecessary bitching sessions, gossiping or talking about lame things just doesn't excite me anymore. Although I do take time out to have fun, very regularly.

I've been working overtime, compromising on my sleep and my reading hours just so that I can squeeze in some time to meet people I really wanted to meet in a long time..like my best friend, S, my college and school friends...

The sad part is ( its been a trend, mind you)...I work overtime to get free early...i take out time..get all dressed and excited about not having to work for a day..and then my friends don't show up! And its not as if they are too busy..they just cancel the plan at the last moment or they keep sleeping (Really, I'm not lying) while I keep waiting for them.

Having worked, being stressed of managing time, dressing up, getting excited...only to be left dejected again is not the best feeling in the world. It sucks actually. But I've stopped complaining to these people now. Because they're all that I've got. Today too, something similar happened and I'm not feeling too good about it. I tried to smile about it, I ended up crying in the loo.

It's night time again. I'm going back to my bed..will do the remaining work tomorrow because my weekend plans have been foiled too...So I've nothing to do but work this weekend.

I can see loneliness coming up again. It's climbing on my bed,...with shoes on. Its grinning at me. It goes and comfortably gets settled under my quilt. I know he is going to make me sleep with him again tonight. I just know.

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you ~ Richard Wilbur

Dilli Toh Paagal Hai!

2010-01-27T21:30:00.008+05:30

I dare not to write...not because of lack of things to say, but because I'm afraid I would feel guilty for anything that I publish. All the things I've wanted to write on but somehow thought they weren't important enough....

What is important enough to write?

Is your nagging professor/boss worthy enough to be written about on your personal space? Don't we already have enough of them in our workplaces already?

Is treating this blog as an online journal important?

Or is writing enough to garner more followers and comments important? Everything is bloody subjective. To each, his own.

Writer's block. That word played on me till the time I started playing with it. What is writer's block? Blocking your mind from letting creative thoughts pour in. That's it.

I write to relieve myself of all the emotional and mental blocks. It's therapeutic for me. I'll discuss a very minuscule thought here, something which has been forcing me to alter my "oh, i'm so liberal minded, urban city girl" thinking, of late.

I'm in Delhi. I have lived here all my life. I know this place like the back of my hand. Yes, I've visited other cities too, but none appealed to me like Delhi does. I study in a class where hardly ten students belong to Delhi. The rest of them are outstation students. They came from smaller towns to study here in hope of better opportunities. Fair enough.

What disturbs me though is the attitude of these fellow people...They call us "dilliwaale toh hote hi aise hain". Acha? Please tell us too? how are we really? THey say, "Yeh DU ka attitude yahaan nahi chalega"....What is this DU ka attitude? I'm sorry, But yes, I do come from one of the best univ of India. If you've got a problem with it, go suck komado dragon balls, but don't you dare discriminate against us in our very own city.

Just a thought please, just because you are from some other city, working to get a job, aren't Delhi students doing the same? Not all of them are Tata's and birla's here. They too are working equally hard.

Just in case, any of you is thinking that I'm going to start a Shiv Sena for Delhi as soon as I finish writing this post...NO, I'M SO NOT!!!

One Thackrey is more than enough.

I've always been at my jovial best with most of people around me. Or at least, i've tried to. I used to think that this stupid, stupid regionalism only exists in the mind of narrow minded old men. Surprise, surprise..it obscenely has made its way everywhere.

I recall when this fellow classmate of mine said, in a mocking tone on my face - "I'm glad sir does not like this Delhi kids. They already have too many privileges that they take everything for granted. I so hate Delhi"

I was standing there...shocked..obviously they knew I'm from Delhi and I cant recall any such "privileges" that I have. It's an altogether different fact that this fellow classmate too, had been residing in Delhi since few years now. I asked , "Why don't you go back to your hometown then"?

"Arrey, wahaan itna infrastructure nahi hai.No job opportunities, nothing. People are really narrow minded, Delhi main rehne ke baad hometown nahi reh sakte"

To any of you who is reading this post, I ask you, Are people living in Bangalore, Delhi, Mumbai and Kolkata any different from people from other towns? Just because we were born in a metropolitan city, does not give you the right to insult us and call us bloody dilliwaala. If you really like your hometown so much, then go back. Create enough job opportunities there. Use your talent there. And then smirk at me all that you want. I would gladly accept it. Go make it another IT hub like Bangalore or fast paced like Mumbai. At least, another city would get developed in this country.

But I know nothing like that is going to happen anytime soon. Regionalism will stay in the mind of people. Just because they've had a few bad experience in a new city does not entitle them to brand entire metro city as "BAD".

And, FYI, we, cosmopolitans know the value of hard work. Because life isn't a bed roses for anyone. And yes, we know how to be hospitable.....Balance fun and work and all.....But at the end of the day...we will still be "Yeh dilliwaale toh hote hi aise hain".

P.S - In no sense is this post intended to make fun of people from other towns. The idea behind this post is not to appreciate metro cities, but to highlight regionalism as a problem.

Just because everything is different, doesn't mean that anything has changed ~ Irene Peter

Looking back....

2010-01-18T12:23:00.006+05:30

I slept last night with an empty soul.....

And woke up this morning with an even emptier soul. Yes, I offically hate weekdays where I know I'm not going to anything productive. Thoughts delude me. And the place where I am right now is not exactly the place where I want to be/should be. This is my classroom, where I have learnt virtually nothing. Oh yes, I forgot, I have had lessons in pessisism and wasting talent on trivial issues here.

There are things which are far more exciting and satisfying than finishing an assignment on make -sentences in your post graduation. I often wonder, what was that ass of a professor smoking when he gave us an assignment on make sentences and other frivolous topics. No, seriously, somebody tell me this is a bad, bad dream.

I compare my current situation to the weekend which just went by:

I had my very first Lindt Dark Chocolate in Chilli Flavour, spent an entire day with Dad.
Before having my very first chilli chocolate, I had woken up from my deep sleep from the previous night.

Before going to sleep for the day, I had my first major accident. Luckily, we managed to escape unhurt.

Before having my first brush with a major accident, I was roaming with my bestest girlfriends in CP, late till night. I realised photosessions with girl friends are fun, and so is flirting with random, cute guys and chocolate truffle pastries taste best when shared.

Before spending time with my friends, I was with my best pal, sitting in comfortable silence, savouring chinese food.

Before having Chinese food, I was wandering aimlessly around Delhi, soaking in the beauty of a cold but snug winter afternoon in my City.

Before going out to roam in Delhi, I was working on assignments, articles, friend's work and what not.

And so, my life keeps on going backwards becuase it's more interesting to me that way rather than looking forward to the whole week ahead, major part of what will be wasted in this stupid classroom where I regret to say, but haven't managed to learn anything.

P.S. - Oh, btw, I saw this really beautiful vodka bottle in the supermart yesterday in wine section. The vodka was pink in colour and beared the slogan, "The world's most beautiful vodka". (Yup, such a category does exists). Guess what was the name of this imported spirit? It was PINKY. yayyy. .............(another reason for me to love my fav poison and my kiddish nickname). ;))

Smile, for tomorrow will be worse. ~ Author Anonymous

How many clones do you have of yourself?

2010-01-03T16:10:00.001+05:30

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. I can safely say I was not the pessimist this year.

Gotta admit, The year which just went by was one of the most eventful and learning periods of my life. I traveled a lot (and I loved it). I went to Goa, Mumbai, almost to Chennai, Bangalore, Shimla, Chandigarh, Bhopal and obviously roamed around in Delhi like a wanderer left loose.

Considering that I love travelling, this was one of the best periods of life. The best part is that when 2009 arrived, I had no clue that I'm going to travel so much. I didn't had the faintest idea that this year is akin to sitting in a class which imparted me the best learning experience in a subject called "Life".

If only you had known me when I was still out of school, fresh into my graduation. I was so sure about everything, about how anything I did was going to come out perfect and absolutely nothing could go wrong. The truth is that most of the things I did, never really turned out the way I wanted them to be. But the grass is always greener on the other side, right?

This year, I learned a lot. I changed a lot. I look back at the time when I would desperately try to fit among a group of nasty girls in grad college, only to be made fun of. I look back at the time when not reaching home by 6pm in the evening would scare the shit out of me. When having a good time with true friends was never experienced in my life. When even after all the slogging, my grades remained average and S never came into my life.

And then came 2009.

I traveled extensively. Realized I love visiting new places. It opened up my mind and heart to new people and places.
I learned to say "no".
I finally got over my inferiority complex. S made me realize what I am and why I should start giving respect to myself.
I realized I stay happier when I'm away from humans - the most complex lot. I'm happy when I shut out people with negative vibes, even if it means being rude.
I learned the trick to deal with people. I genuinely care for them and listen to them if I like them. No questions asked. And they become my friends. Simple.
Started investing more in relationships than my wardrobe. It paid off.
I had my first night out (and many more) with friends, finally learnt to let my hair down for a while, partied like crazy, had my share of embarrassing moments when sloshed, took major risks. I do not regret any of these. I'm glad I finally lived my age and did all of it.
I just hope that I remain the same/improve in the coming year and keep following the mantra of work hard/party harder. **wink wink**

It's like I have too many clones of myself now. And every time I look back, I can see all of them smiling at me for finally I'm happy with myself.

A clone of mine which was in high school - overweight, greasy hair, pimples, yearning for S and struggling with accounts and maths.

A clone of mine which was in college - slightly improved, motivated, hard working, happy-go-lucky, still struggling with skin and heart issues

A clone of mine which was in office - drowned in inferiority complex, fed up of bitching, worrying over her weight issues, crying badly for S.

A person that I'm today - Happily lost in herself, confident, carefree and working hard (only when required).

I know there are many more changes to come in my life in every two-three years and many more clones to follow. I'm just hoping they are better versions than the current one. One might wonder why the hell am I remembering my past right now? Everybody goes through these changes, ain't it?

Actually, I'm not remembering. I'm thanking my stars that I went through all those phases. I'm thanking my past versions (geez, I almost sound like a video game with too many versions :p). My clones remind me of what I don't want to be like anymore. This is what they whisper to me:

Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would, I'd never leave. ~A.A. Milne

So much for resolute resolutions and more....

2010-01-03T15:30:00.000+05:30

First of all, I'd like to wish all the lovely people whose blogs I read or who have stumbled on this page, A very Happy new year.

Phew, a new year has dawned in and so much has changed. Bhopal Trip was over. Long Ago. Good learning experience. Ok, enough of that place.

I really don't know how many people make resolutions. I don't. I really don't understand why do people have to wait till 1 January to incorporate some good changes in their life. Why can't you get on that treadmill today if you want to? Or why would you wait to switch your job till some specific date (1 jan, that is) if you can do it now?

You know you need to/want to make some changes in your lifestyle. Then, do it. But please don't procrastinate it, saying that you're waiting for new year. After all, how many of us really stick to our resolutions? It's better not to make them at all rather than breaking them later, only to feel discouraged.

New Year's Day...now is the accepted time to make your regular, annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual ~ Mark Twain

Learn to clean up your mess

2009-12-14T12:39:00.000+05:30

Note - My little cousin sister of three years recently learned to say sorry when she does something wrong. The next thing my masi (aunt) is teaching her is to clean up the mess she makes after playing with her toys. Okay, now, go ahead, read the post.

....................................................................................................

As a part of my journalism course, I've got a chance to visit Bhopal and see the place where the world's biggest ever industrial tragedy took place in 1982. Frankly speaking, it's a trip. And I would have preferred to visit some beach or go camping to hills as a part of my trip. But the discovery of some very disturbing facts made me convince that I should not miss the trip to this not-so-happening place. A lot has happened there which we need to be aware of.

For people who don't know, Union Carbide Factory, a franchise of a US company came to India with the intention of setting up a fertilizer factory in Bhopal.

The Indian government was happy. They were happy that foreign investment and revenue was coming in. They were happy that good quality fertilizers would be available to our farmers. What they did not expect to receive in the bargain was a seething loss of millions of lives.

Twenty-five years have passed since that night of terror and death in Bhopal, which saw a cloud of deadly gases explode out of a faulty tank in the pesticide factory and silently spread into the homes of sleeping people. It was a night which has never ended.

Interestingly, the tragedy occurred because of a very, very minor fault, i.e. of a gas leakage. The gas stored in the tank was supposed to be stored at a temp of minus five degrees or less, for which proper refrigeration was provided. Till one fine day, the then-CEO of company, Warren Andrews decided to turn off the refrigeration valve in June 1984 as the maintenance costs were crossing their budget.

Although several safety warnings were issued to the factory, no heed was paid to them. And then, on the night of December 3, 1984 when all the workers had returned to their homes, the gas valve started leaking around 12 am. At that point of time, it had 45,000 kg of poisonous gas which was unleashed on the sleeping city of Bhopal. The temperature in the valve had reached a good 45 degree celsius.

I do not need to get into all the details, as I believe that my informed readers do have an idea about this tragedy. It will be suffice to say that people were choked to death in their sleep, pregnant women suffered sudden miscarriages, lung cancer, burning sensation in eyes, breathlessness et al.

It was India's very own Hiroshima and Nagasaki. People born in that area of Bhopal still suffer from deadly breathing diseases, lung cancers and women still end up losing their child while it's still in their womb.

On that fateful night, the CEO was arrested, released on bail and flied to Delhi via a State-owned plane from where he was secretly departed to US, never to return again. The factory is today owned by Dow Jones, one of the biggest players in world economy. The current CEO still lives lavishly in sub urban New York and is indifferent to the tragedy.

The company was asked to pay damages to the victims. After 12 years of long legal battle, the company shelled out 12,000 to the kins of deceased. Rs 12,000 each, was the price paid for millions of innocent lives lost.

Interestingly, the govt today does not hesitate to announce compensation of Rs 1 lakh to Rs 5 lakh even in some minor rail accident. And the world's biggest industrial tragedy got weighed at 12,000 grands wonly.

I wonder if a similar incident would have taken place in US in some Indian owned company. Would it's Indian CEO be able to escape in the same manner? Bah, we all know the answer too well. Don't we?

Headlines like "Brown-skinned Indian held for murdering several first world citizens in their sleep" would probably do the rounds of USA Today and New York Times. (Man, i really need to stop imagining now).

My little sister knows how to clean up her mess, I wonder when will the CEO of the biggest company in the world will learn to do that!

Shave India

2009-11-30T15:03:00.001+05:30

Disclosure: Since I've run out of all sensible things to write and I'm really not in the mood to comment on Obama's security breach or Real Estate in Dubai crumbling down, I'm writing about a really mindless topic right now. If you are annoyed after reading this post, please don't tell it to me coz I'll say, You were warned!

There are very few things which fascinate me as much as my cluttered desktop or my sister's overflowing cupboard (with most of what is my stuff in them). Men with beard are one of them. Think about it. Not so long ago, Ruk Ruk Khan and Tick Tick Motion with their chiseled bodies and chikna faces were all the rage among the girls and young aunties alike.

Then, came the likes of goonda-looking Abhishek Bachpan who boldly stated that keeping a stubble is "in". I'll simply say he is too lazy to shave his beard off. Others like, Neil Nitin Mukesh, Johnny Depp and Collin Farrell followed. They redefined cuteness, fusing it well with the hairs on their face.

Cut to the present, where all the boys around me seemed to have taken a pledge that they will let their neighborhood barbers die of hunger but will not go in for a trimming or much better, a shave. No, they will not let the poor barber earn a penny or few.

My younger brother has a beard thicker than amazon forest within two hours of getting shaved. And yes, all he has to do to irritate me is to stand near me and pretend to scratch his beard. Gross. GrOsS. GROSS.

S looks cuter than a koala bear whenever he shaves. The sad part is he makes it a point to meet me only when he is looking like a complete terrorist with his beard, moustache and all. The cherry on the cake is the recent survey I came across where Gillette is launching a movement called "Shave India".

I was casually surfing through channels when I came across this ad. At first, I thought, maybe it's some similar political campaign like "Lead India" or "India Shining". But two minutes into the ad and I came to knew that the ad was launched in response to a survey which revealed that 90% of the Indian women would like to kiss a guy who is well shaved.

My reaction was like "Hadh hai wella hone ki bhi. Kisi dhang ke topic pe hi survey kar lete. Common sense ke bhi survey hote hain kya?"

But the fact that I've dedicated an entire post to this bearded topic does prove that I did gave the issue an afterthought. Most of my male friends prefer to keep a stubble, a goatee, a barely -there mustache or the most common one - trimmed but not shaven look.

I'm yet to come across a guy who prefers to shave. Regularly. Now, come on, would you guys really like it if all the females stopped waxing? No, right? So, there!

Strange Stranger Meeting

2009-11-12T12:03:00.001+05:30

For people who do not know already or have visited this page for the first time, let me tell you guys that I travel a lot, like four hours everyday within the city.

Considering I'm always using the public transport, I happen to meet a lot of people. Keep bumping into the same people all the time who happen to be in the metro/bus same time as me every day. And I've got reasons to believe that this must be quite a common phenomenon with most of us.

I've also got reasons to believe that all the girls reading this post must have their own story of a boy who was a stranger but still remains memorable. Like boy in the coffee shop. Boy in the bus. Boy in the mall. Well, so this is my story about the boy on the metro.

FYI, I'm usually at my defensive best when travelling alone. I deliberately put up that expression which screams don't-ya-dare-mess-with-me for people who can't help themselves but pass lewd comments or follow young, pretty things for no reason. Ain't I modest? **chuckle**

I'm usually the kind of girl who would be walking unusually fast, almost running (coz I'm always late), carrying a REALLY big bag, looking serious or talking to myself as I walk. Not the perfect mental picture for a "pretty young thing". Ain't it. It was already dark when I left college yesterday and it was still 5.30 pm in the evening. Winters, I tell you. So, I once again assumed that fierce, strong-girl exterior and headed to the metro station.

By the time, I reached upstairs, the metro was already stationed there with it's doors about to be closed. And hell, I was still on the escalator slowly approaching the platform. I dashed towards the metro, frantically running on the escalators and managed to squeeze in the metro, with the doors closing just behind me.

I smiled and congratulated myself. Doesn't matter, that half of the compartment filled with most of whom what seemed like "middle-aged people" returning from office were already looking at me. I thought what they must be thinking, "Oh, these youngsters who do not have enough patience to wait for five minutes till the next metro but will obstruct the closing of doors" and other shit.

I chuckled at the thought and looked searchingly in the compartment for a seat. Seriously, with all the running, I could use some space to sit. God Bless the person who invented "Seats reserved for Ladies". I saw a young boy sitting there....and again I went "Oh boy, that's my seat, get off it" in my mind.

So, I simply went and stood in front of him. Clever boy, He understood the hint, looked back and saw the sticker behind him which said, "Only for Ladies" and politely got up, offering me his seat which I gladly accepted.

That is, when at the next station, I saw him. I saw him standing on the platform even before he got in and thought to myself "Aw,, that guy is HOT". The train stopped, and he got in my compartment. "Great", i thought.

As I was contemplating why I had been fixating on this stranger, I realized he had sat down next to me.

In the empty seat that had cleared out.

For the woman who had gotten on at the last stop.

The woman was still standing there.

WHY DID YOU NOT SIT DOWN???? I mentally screamed at her.

Ok, this is not good. The boy I had nearly drooled over was SITTING NEXT TO ME.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

What now? Stay calm. Stay. Calm. Caaaaalm.

I tried not to look uncomfortable and just to play it safe, started looking in the other direction. But I could almost feel his shoulders touching mine and I was freaking out. And sweating. In Winters. Weird.

I hope he doesn’t notice. I snuck a look at him out of the corner of my eye. He seemed completely oblivious to my existence. Well, he’s probably too cocky to even consider me to be in the same league as him. Although I usually don’t care much about appearances, my pride was slightly hurt at the thought of this. I mean, I know I don’t look like a model, but I can look decent when I want to. And today, I looked fairly decent - at least, I thought so. I mean, I was wearing purple, and I only wear purple on days when I actually colour-coordinate my outfit. So there. I was looking decent today, and yet I was totally invisible to him.

Argh, stop it pink. I’m sure he’s used to girls tripping over themselves to get his attention and I am NOT going to be one of them. I REFUSE to be a silly giddy girly-girl who swoons over pretty boys!

Wait.I am a silly girl. I am just not a girly girl and I definitely, DEFINITELY do NOT SWOON OVER BOYS. And he would definitely, DEFINITELY not be interested in a girl like me. His girlfriend is probably tall and skinny, with long tanned legs and wavy, dark brown hair, and big eyes with long eyelashes…

Before I knew it, I was picturing his supermodel girlfriend.

No, he probably has more than one supermodel girlfriend. A guy like him definitely has someone on the side. Probably two. Or three. Or four.

Then, suddenly he threw something, trying to be incognito but I noticed..

What?! Did he just litter INSIDE THE METRO?

Ok, now I am not a freak about littering or anything, but I don’t throw garbage out of moving vehicles either. I was not impressed. So I snuck a (what I hoped to be distasteful) look at him. But before I could deliver the full distaste-look, something in his lap caught my eye.

A pack of cigarettes.

Oh great.

Now we have a litterer and a smoker. And a (possibly) major player. This just keeps getting better and better.

I turned away and looked out the window. I am so over this guy, I thought, which made me smile because I had fallen for the guy in less than a second, then gotten over him before the metro ride was even over. I am SO good at this “swearing off boys” stuff.

See pink, this is good, this is what you want. Boys like him make you feel insecure and disappointed and not good enough. Without the baggage of swooning over every pretty boy that walks by and wondering if your hair is in place, you’re so much freer and you can smile stupidly and not care who’s looking at you strangely or whether that’s a flattering look for you.

I was proud of myself.

We ended up getting off at the same stop and I almost skipped off , feeling extraordinarily rah-rah power-to-the-women / who-cares-if-I-don’t-look-like-a-supermodel-I’m-still-beautiful-on-the-inside. But I allowed myself a glance at him as I walked away, because I wanted to see, from the perspective of my girl-power self, whether I would still swoon like I did when I first saw him getting in the metro.

And, maybe the heat had gotten to my brain and was making me see things, but when I glanced over at him, I caught him looking at me as we parted ways. And I grinned.

Good things happen when you meet strangers. ~ Yo Yo Ma

An year older, A lil more wiser.

2009-11-11T11:39:00.000+05:30

So, it was my 21st birthday last week. (Yup, I don't think that I'm already old enough to be lying about my age, so there!) It was definitely not one of my best birthdays ever to say the least.

However, I'm here on my personal space, not to discuss how good or bad my day went. Over the years, I have realized that age is not just a number. Your birthday might pass in a matter of few hours, but it leaves a permanent mark behind, where the realization dawns that okay, you are a lil more older and hopefully, wiser.

Your birthday is just another day which comes in a year. It might be special for you, but for the rest of the world your special day is just like any other day. They get up,. go to work, keep sleeping, get drunk, get laid., fight with their boss, laze around...to each his own.

It might sound strange but It's like a pattern. Every year, around two to three weeks before my birthday, I suddenly realize that something has changed. Changed about me. It's kind of funny, you know. It's this deja vu kinda feeling where while getting dressed in front of my mirror, I suddenly have this realization...."wow, pink, you have changed" .The awareness of how my perspective on things has changed. I wouldn't do things now which I would gladly do two years ago. And the next feeling is "Arre, didn't I felt the same thing last year as well"?

I admit I have changed a lot with time. It is in moments like these, when you are only with yourself, that thoughts filled with inexplicable wisdom hit you for a split second and leave you feeling a lil more wiser. So, what did I learn from myself this year?

I realized that my mad rush for a dream career, top scores isn't what matters most.

Contrary to what I believed, shopping does not make me happy. Maybe for a few hours, but then it's not worth spending pots of money on things I'll hardly use, all for momentary happiness.

I now prefer watching funny videos on Youtube, talk to people who are good or simply go for a walk when I want to feel happy.

On my last birthday, almost all of mine office and college friends, called me at midnight, to wish me. This year, I doubt if they even remembered it since I'm no longer in the office or same college. No birthday calls and very few text messages indicated what I'd missed out on. I'd missed out on investing in true friends, people who stay with you even when you change your workplace.

I always thought I disliked boys and can never fall in love with any other man than my bf. I'm forced to reconsider my thoughts now.

Do not expect. The less you expect, the more happy you will be with what you get.

I'm a lil more interested in boys now which was perceived as an "improvement in me" by my BFF.

I want to spend a little more time meeting people who are mature, intelligent and can think. I've had my fair share of fellas who are too busy acting immature, updating their playlists or scoring over girls over internet chats, girls shopping aimlessly and ooh'oohing over their new fuck-me heels every time somebody talks to them.

I wonder why and how do girls, my age, manage to shout to prove their point. I almost feel like telling them, " there is nothing sexy about shouting. So, please shut the F up". Raising your volume cannot compensate for your lack of logic or common sense.

Also, I want to be surrounded by people who do not scream "Oh fuck" or " ^%$^&%^ in Hindi everytime their pen drops down. Seriously, save your curses for something more worthwhile.

I love people who are funny, unassuming and who do not get tooooo serious about life without losing their focus. I wonder where are all of them?

Your friends aren’t perfect either. Being the first to forgive and forget can go a long way.

Holding a grudge just isn’t worth it.

Don’t take everything too seriously, you’re too young for that.

Nobody can love you like your parents can. But it's still fun to search for that special someone.

Too much of self-introspection for now. Morale of the story is that I need to loosen up and be a bit more easy going this year. And yes, not to take things or people too seriously who do not matter.

P.S.....m breaking my rule...not including a picture this time....coz m not in the mood to put one. period.

I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself. I will be rich by myself, and not by borrowing. ~Michel de Montaigne

Are you ready to do it?

2009-10-06T13:34:00.000+05:30

There are certain things I never talk about on my blog.......Sex is one of them. For some strange reason, I believe I have never really felt the need to write a post on it. There is too much of it around us already. Internet is brimming with it. Films portray it. English songs are literally pregnant with suggestive lyrics, People have it (in their minds). But there is one thing which has left me wondering pretty much and I can't help myself but write about it.

I came across this article in a prominent fashion magazine about what is the right time to do it? I was intrigued by the title and thus, gave it a read. Initially, I thought Why does one need to write an article on it? It's a damn personal decision. To each, his own.
It was only that I finished reading it that I was left bemused, astounded and left thinking. The statistics in the article said that according to a survey, Indians stand last in line when it comes to losing their virginity. Most Indians generally do it when they are 19-24 age as compared to Americans where standard age is 13-18 and Europeans who get their cherries popped latest by 17.

Truly, India in 21st century is America of the 60's where talking about sex is still taboo. We, Indians are quite an hypocritical lot too. If a man does it before marriage, he's a stud while a woman is branded a whore. Needless to say, Indian women are forced to adopt a hypocritical approach to the issue of sex altogether. Mothers teach their daughters to abstain from it till marriage because if a guy is getting the milk for free, why would he bother buying the cow?

The scenario in few metropolitan cities might be a bit different and liberated but I'm discussing about the state of affairs in India (with all its villages and small towns included). To quote the massive difference between the thinking of two genders, Here is a snippet of confessions I read in the magazine.

An Urban guy who was interviewed - I can't wait to relieve myself of this burden of virginity. The maximum I can wait is till 22 years old. The sooner I lose it, the better. (truth be told, this is the viewpoint of most of my male friends too. no exaggerations).

An urban female - No, I think I'll like to wait till I get married. There are other important things like career, education bla bla bla. But reasons for staying a virgin by this certain 24 year old , unmarried girl really impressed me. When asked didn't she felt that she was losing out on something by remaining a virgin while all her friends are doing it? She answered "Oh sure, would you like to know what all am I losing out on?

I'm missing out on worrying every month if I'm pregnant
I'm missing out on lying to my parents and leading a double life.
I'm missing out on getting up morning after and worry if my bf would dump me or if he would marry me at all and when?

What really shocked me was when this male friend of mine confessed that he won't wait till marriage to lose his virginity. However, when asked if he would like to marry a non-virgin, he flatly refused! And said that no man would accept a girl if she had had serious flings before. Wow!!!!. I wondered whom did he intend to lose his virginity to? To a pros? coz every other respectable girl would lose her chances of getting married by helping him to "relieve him of his burden".

One of the popular reality show on Star plus projected a 30 year old man saying he preferred to marry a 21 year old contestant as compared to other older girls as her chances of being chaste were far more. Woohoo.

Priyanka Chopra is seen admitting losing her heart and virginity to a neighbor who later dumped her in a film, What's your Rashee. Why did she said that? Was it really that important? Did she really think that her future NRI husband was a Mr. goody two shoes with no sexual past???

Young girls are always taught that Virginity is dignity. I wonder then why the hell are Adolescent Indian boys and young men are so eager to lose their dignity.
Frankly, I still believe in the traditional concept. It is better to wait for the right person or till you get married before you indulge in the never-to-be repeated act. And do not end up regretting it. Like I earlier said, To each, his own. Some say that these worries are only in mind while sex is a purely natural and physical act. But isn't sex all in the mind? Alas.

F for ????

2009-09-23T11:13:00.000+05:30

I'm so damn hungry , I think I could even eat a horse right now. Well, now you don't need to take everything that I say, quite literally. :p

I'm sitting in the class and there is some old bugger standing in front of me, lecturing away to glory on god-knows-what. Most of the people around me are trying to "study" on social networking sites. Some others are busy scanning their laptops...tsk tsk.

And yours truly has been surfing on the net. For food. Good, delicious, tempting food.

I came across this blog while some random surfing and the blog is all about food, adventure, surfing and more delicious food. Aah, some people do have perfect lives. And I can't help feeling all the more hungry with every passing second. Gotta admit, this is one of those moments when all my worries to maintain my weight and having to stay in shape go out of the window.

All I can think about is:

Chicken (its Navratras, starving sucks)
Chocolate desserts
Tortilla Chips
Smoothies
Frozen Yogurt in Mint Choco chip flavor

I'm beginning to wonder why the hell don't they offer frozen yogurt sundaes in India? I'm so tempted right now. Just the thought of having something sinfully sweet and delicious and still healthy ( yes, it is completely fat free) is so damn tempting.

It's almost 11.30am and I still haven't had my breakfast. Maybe that's why I'm blogging about food because frankly, that's all I can think about right now. I want to eat a frozen yogurt or a chocolate dessert or roasted chicken. Even gulab jamun will do. Yes, you get my drift. All I can care about right now is food. Good food, that is.

Man, they were right when they said

"Stay hungry, Stay foolish". :((

I'll hit this space back to post something more sensible, perhaps when I have had my fill.

I came, I saw, I wandered......

2009-09-09T12:50:00.000+05:30

My life is moving too fast...I'm too busy attending classes, finishing assignments, remain perennially nerved up. The best part is that I can't convince myself that I'm learning anything. About Journalism at least (coz that's what the subject for my majors is).

Life is hectic. I wake up, make assignments early morning, get ready while my mom keeps shouting in the background how my life is so disorganized.....how I've made a wreck of my health....How I'm always in a bad mood....how guys would reject me for marriage proposals.....(god, like I really need to know that first thing in the morning! ). Mothers, I tell you.

I usually grab my stuff and rush out of the home, mentally preparing myself for the two hour long delhi-darshan trip to my college. Now, my college is near Chandni Chowk in Old Delhi (very far from my home). I take a bus, then change the metro twice and finally take a rickshaw in order to reach my college.
I would have never really discovered this place had it not been for the location of my college. My emotions usually go for a flip whenever I reach Chandni Chowk metro station. I automatically transform from a Spoilt-urban girl to a more thoughtful, compassionate person.

The exit of the metro station is marked by same beggars who greet me everyday, sitting in their exact place, calling out the same blessings. These are the deformed, small children, their mother is selling some random stuff nearby, their younger siblings lying in the shade of trees, busy playing with rags. My heart goes out to them. I'm not much of a charitable person by the way. But I surprised myself the other day when I bought some corn (bhutta) for an old beggar lady who was looking at them with longing eyes. She didn't even realize that I was giving it to her for free, she just took it and went away limping, without caring to throw a second glance. I paid the hawker. "This girl is nuts", he must have thought. He gave a slightly mischievous smile and took the money. Now, it's a habit with me. I buy stuff for these people, when I'm forced to, by my instincts.

I move out of the metro station, take a rickshaw and watch people still sleeping on the pavements, outside Sheeshganj gurudwara. Some of them look doped, maybe they are. Some of them are simply sleeping there for lack of other options. Do they even realize that day has dawned, that traffic is rushing past them, that foreign tourists who are out here to "explore the real Delhi" are clicking them? I guess not. These are the anonymous stars of Real India. Perfect stuff for some documentary on Discovery channel, but someone whom you would not like near you in any other circumstances.

The rickshaw takes a turn, and the majestic Red Fort and Jama Masjid come in view. Interestingly, this bare stretch of one kilometer has a famous gurudwara, Jama Masjid, the beautiful Jain temple and a church. And they say, secularism is a thing of the past.

I reach college and forget all about it. And it happens everyday. I somehow find it strange. I give stuff to beggars, act compassionate because somehow I still believe I'm a very cruel, uncompassionate person who does not visit temples, does not even pray, swears like a sailor and has almost no real friends around. And helping them apart from giving me immense happiness and satisfaction, also gives me some peace of mind. It helps me to reinstate faith in me, it helps me to believe that I'm not a very bad person. Only a bit maybe.

Memories

2009-09-02T13:34:00.000+05:30

Have you ever just looked around and thought: "This is all just a memory" ? I have, and multiple times. For what we are looking at right now, living at this very moment, is going to be a memory in a matter of minutes, and boy do we have a lot of memories.. from the good, to the bad, to the down right "I wish I couldn't remember that!" But I do, and with extreme detail, as if those things happened yesterday. But whatever, that's life.. right? It must be terrible to not remember anything. Memories are what keep you entertained when you're bored waiting at the doctor's office or on a long car ride. What do you think about then, when you have no memories to relive over and over?

I've come across people who often confused deja vu with memory? Deja vu is a feeling when you instinctively feel as if the entire situation, the surroundings, the people, the entire scene is being repeated in your life. As if it has happened before, even if it hasn't.

But I've had instances where I feel as if the moment I'm living right now, is soon going to be just a memory in the chapters of my life.

So what do YOU think about?
Can you believe I was asked that once? What do I think about.. Hmm.. I can't just say ONE thing, cause I think about a lot of random things, they just pop up in my head randomly. I relive a lot of moments over and over, I think a lot about the "what if's", I daydream about situations that are never going to happen, I play a song over and over in my head, I wonder what other people have lived, I imagine how it would be like to be someone else, I fantasize about unbelievable things, I just look out the window and think... Am I ever going to live that moment again?

Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember. ~Seneca

Thinking of another.......

2009-08-22T23:52:00.000+05:30

"You, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection!!!"

This was a SMS i received three years ago. From a random, middle aged stranger and I still haven't been able to fathom it.
You must be wondering why did a stranger message me? And how on earth did he got my number?
Well, it was a warm December morning. I had bunked my college to be with my best friend at Connaught Place (Delhi). We were sitting in the central park when suddenly this middle aged man came up from nowhere telling us that he was new to the city and kinda lost in CP. He was looking for his driver and requested if he could use our cellphone to call his driver up. Gullible, as I was, I promptly gave him my cell thinking he deserved to be helped.
After calling up his driver, he struck up a chat with me and my friend. Told us he was a theater director from Mumbai and was in Delhi to visit a show at IHC. I will not deny the fact that the man seemed genuine, well-read and intelligent. We chatted with him comfortably, thinking of him as a man of our father's age...(somebody who definitely wouldn't flirt with a first year college student, that's me).

Later, that evening, I got a call from a Mumbai number. Apparently, it was the same middle aged guy inviting me to attend his play at IHC. I politely refused. And, since then, rudely ignored all his calls and messages.

After a month, I got this message and somehow it sticks with me. I don't know if it was an insult or suggestion.Maybe it was his way of getting back at me, of not reciprocating to his calls and invitations. I don't know why I keep it. I've never heard from that old man again. But it has been there in my inbox since the last three years. Will delete it the day I understand it.

But today, there was something more I learned about love and affection. And won't rest till I've blurted it all out. I've learned that it's weird being in a long distance relationship It's that sometimes I forget that there's actually two people and not just one pair. I forget that there is this one person who has willingly made a choice to

call me up everyday, no matter how tired he is!
to listen to my random ramblings, pacify the bitch in me when I go mad without losing his cool (all this over the phone, being quite a few hundred kilometers away)
to bear up with me!
I forget that this person here with me is making the choice to stay with me every aching minute of every day, never mind that his physical presence is not felt;
that this person is not obligated to be here, but that he simply wants to because he cares about me and loves me that much.

But then there's days I remember that this other person is not an extension of me, that he sometimes makes decisions I wouldn't make, and do things that I wouldn't do. So when something like that sets us apart, it feels weird, that one of us is not in the same page as the other, sometimes not even in the same sentence. It might be upsetting and even infuriating, but at the end of the day you realize that what's important in a relationship is just being able to work together to make it a team again and not a competition.

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. ~Henry Brooks Adams, The Education of Henry Adams, 1907

She is still calling you....

2009-08-07T15:07:00.000+05:30

So, this is it guys. I haven't been very active on blogsville of late, courtesy my new college. The admission hysteria and the mad rush for assignments, projects and what not has been taking up all of my time. I haven't even had the time to jog or go for my morning walks. This college forces me to leave home by 6 am. Yes, it's that early.

But, but, but, I'm not regretting my decision to come to this place. Not even for a second. Pursuing a master's in journalism at Times of India is akin to learning the tricks of the trade from the horse's mouth. I couldn't have asked for anything else. Right from interviewing random people on the streets, making documentaries, visiting news channel studios, et al. I'm in the process of doing it all. And it's fun. Since the last few days, I had been too submerged in assignments. One of them was rather interesting. It was on autobiography of a female foetus. My work got appreicated, mainly because this is one topic i could relate to. I'm posting a short snippet of my long assignment here.

An Aborted Female Baby's Call

It’s me, mom
It’s me, dad
It’s me, granny
Your baby speaking from the waste bin
your female baby
that you murdered
last night
with the help of
that doctor and her staff
I cried
I screamed
I begged
but nobody
heard my screams
then I went dead
after the poison was instilled
into the womb
where I was growing
and
you, mom
you, dad
you, granny
made all the arrangements
for my murder
after sonography
you were in so much of the hurry
to get rid of me
that you did not even
discussed the matter
I began shivering in dark
in uterus
when I felt the decision of
your eyes
your heart
your mind
to detach my soul
from my growing body
and send me to the world unknown
heaven or hell
you were not bothered about
you all felt peaceful
after I was
withdrawn dead
into pieces
everyone confirmed my body
to be of a female
which was then thrown into the waste bin
I am still lying in the bin
waiting for the van
that collects the bio-medical waste
and carries it up to the incinerator
Kindly convey my heartiest thanks
to the driver who carries the van
to the people who are working on incinerator
for performing my last rites
Mom, I am gone now
Dad, I am gone now
Granny, I am gone now
I know
I do not belong to you, now
but
of course, you still belong to me
until my body parts perish
so I request you to fulfill my last desire
be there at the incinerator
until my cremation
so that I may travel peacefully
to God's place
and make him understand
please don't send female babies
in the womb of those moms or the families
for whom
they are unwanted
please don't
subject your babies
to the pain of murder
only because they are females
please understand, God
It is easier for them
to murder
their daughters
than to
murder the social evils
evil traditions
that make the girl child
unwanted
EVERYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO WISH MY DEPARTED SOUL TO REST IN PEACE is invited at the incinerator that disposes off bio-medical waste.
message by: ABORTED FEMALE FOETUS
place: WASTEBIN

All about Agony (causing) Aunts

2009-07-01T01:02:00.000+05:30

How many times has an aunty looked at you and said, "Haw beta, you have grown so much?!" or "Haaw, kitni kamzor ho gayi hai"!
For long I have despised aunties who have asked me, “Beta, what do you want to do when you grow up?” Useless aunties who have got nothing better to do in their lives than to ask me what I want to do with mine. I want to make this very clear for all constant career-enquiring aunties. I HAVE GOT NO BLOODY CLUE. So Dont Ask, I will lie.

First of all, I have already grown up. I don't really see how much more up I'm going to grow. Secondly, I am not kamzor. I have happily shed my extra flab by exercising. I'm fit, not "kamzor" as they put it. Thus, I'm assuming whatever I'm doing now is pretty much whatever I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. Don't pester me constantly by asking which college am I targetting? Like do you see a rifle in my hand? How can I tell you which college am I "targetting"?

After my college ended, this annoying aunty one day caught hold of me, ready with her killer question.

Annoying Aunty: So, what college are you targeting?
I: That one.
Annoying Aunty: Which one?
I: You don't know?
Annoying Aunty: Which one?
I: That one only.

I can't tell you the glares which my mom gave me for trying to take that aunty for a ride while she was silently ordering me to shut up via her angry glares. But trust me, it was worth it. I still have a good laugh about it whenever the incident crosses my mind. :p

I have a theory to explain why aunties constantly ask only career questions. All aunties are made in this Infosys Bangalore campus where they have a common code fed into each of their heads. They are programmed only to ask career or academic related questions. Have you ever seen any aunty ask you any other question except ones related to studies? Has a single aunty ever asked you which part of American Pie series is your favourite or Which beer is better? Foster or Budweiser? Tell, tell. My point exactly.

I wonder what would happen if I ever asked an Aunty what she wanted to do when she grew up. The circuits in her brain would spark and fuse and blow up. And then she would probably go around in circles saying "Itni badtameez hai inki ladki" in the entire society till the time I get more infamous than Britney Spears.
You know what Sachin Tendulkar would say if an Aunty asked him what he wanted to do when he grew up? He would say, “Aila”. See? That's what the successful people are doing to their aunties.

How many such aunties have you encountered? 2? 6? 16? Temme soon! Comments main duh! :)

P.S. - The image incorporated in my post is for reference purpose only. No impersonation intended. Hope this will keep copyright enforcers at bay. Like I care! :)

Life...as I know it

2009-06-26T22:41:00.000+05:30

Have you ever felt like sitting back and watching your life go past you? In a rushing speed? No, it wont stop to take note of you. Life is so short to stop for anyone, you know. I feel like typing gibberish today. No, i wont blame it on the writer's block.

It's my wish. Alas.....
I'm confused. It's evident.

Life is simple. We know it. It's we who make it complex. You know how?
By interacting with other people. I remember reading it somewhere that out of all the living creatures, humans are the most difficult to deal with. No, I'm not trying to overstate or misintepret the facts. It's scientifically proved. Humans are the most difficult species to deal with. Because every indvidual is different. Unique in their own way. Then there are individual details, such as ego, temperaments, jealousy, competition, bonding et al.
Aint it surprising that we deal with so many humans (look around yourself, duh) and still we are the happiest only when we have their company?

Enough of my philosophical thoughts here.
I need to update my blogger friends here of a few recent happenings in my life. Here goes:

Post my last rant post, I headed to the hills. Sans family. I needed it after all. My first single trip was great. Like a backpacking, no budget, adventurous trip. Away from the humdrum of city. Returned last night. Will post pictures soon.
I finally got through Times School of Journalism in Delhi itself. I received the news in midst of my trip. Like I needed it.
I also cracked the job interview which pays awesomely well. Considering I'm just a graduate whose final results are not out yet. The deal is not too bad.
Now, I'm at crossroads again. Parents want me to take up the job. I want to pursue further studies. Trouble, I tell you.

Coming back to the topic of humans, I've realised certain things about myself while on the trip.
I realised

I try too hard to please everyone around me.
I try to be polite even when I don't want to/don't need to. This is going to stop, I tell you.
I have everything in my reach, I simply need to go out and demand what is mine.
I need to be more assertive.
I need to understand people without judging them. I need to discern who is right and who is not. Learn to look beyond the masks they wear.

There are also certain things which might not sound too pleasant to you readers, But I'm glad I have made these changes.

I do not hesitate now to call a spade a spade. Felt bad? Not my problem.
I'm considerate towards whom I need to or should be. Rest aren't even noticed by me.
I express my feelings instantly. Happiness, gratitude, joy, anger. All of them. F@#k those who fake their feelings.
I do not keep my feelings bottled up now. I vent my anger by smashing things, whatever comes in my way. My parents aren't too happy about this recent development though.
I've finally turned into a full blown rebel. I always was one. But it is only now that this facet of my personality has manifested itself so prominently.

I'm finally not complaining. I'm sitting back watching my life rush with all the humdrum. Awesome feeling, I tell you.

F for Failure

2009-06-14T23:16:00.000+05:30

There is only one thing I was ever afraid of in my life. The thing was/is Failure.

How does it feel to know you haven't suceeded for an endeavor you tried so hard for?
I always used to wonder how does one face themselves again?

For the record, I've never failed in my life. Like till now. I was the girl who got straight A's in high school, managed to get through a decent college in the best university of the country and cracked job interviews like anything.

However, there is a first time for everything. For failure too.
Before writing this post, I was going through my last post where I was apprehensive about my post grad entrances.
As the previous post mentions, I had cleared three major colleges for journalism in India while the result for fourth one was awaited.
Thank you for all the supportive comments which my fellow bloggers left for me but I'm afraid I've let down all of them.

I left for Mumbai last Sunday for my Xaviers interview.
The interview was great, they said they liked my portfolio and all that jazz. People around me were confident that I would crack it.
I returned Delhi the very next day. Went online to check the result. My name wasn't there. I cross checked it thrice. It still wasn't there. As if mine checking the result again and again would make my name appear there.

I went down to tell my mum who was still unpacking. It would be an understatement to say that she was disappointed. I, on my part, was shattered. Went numb. I couldn't cry. Couldn't sleep. It was so suffocating.
Parents announced they had cancelled my tickets for chennai. Reason? Did you ask?
They claimed that I wasn't worthy enough to go all the way to Chennai, for another interview only to fail again. Wow!

Btw, that Chennai interview was supposed to be today. And I was sitting here in Delhi, sulking.

I was rejected in Mumbai interview.
Managed to miss out on Chennai interview simply coz my parents thought it made no sense to bear more travelling expenses on a failure child like me.
Delhi result is still awaited.

I saw my mother telling everyone that I was not going to Mumbai coz I didn't like the place. She chose not to tell others that her daughter was not selected. I felt so insulted. I screamed back at her why did she lie? Why didn't she tell others that I was rejected? I felt so stupid. She was embarassed to admit my rejection.

It was not until I met my best friend that the final catharsis came around. I broke down in front of her. Badly. Had kept myself locked in a room since the time my result was announced. She told me just one thing. That I was feeling so bad for failing in an interview simply because I had never faced failure before. She was right.

I pondered on what all I had lost. Sure, I've missed a year. And my chance to become a good journalist. At least for another one year.
But the good thing is that age is on my side. I'm only 20. So, its ok.

Insults have become a part of life now.
Almost everyday I'm rebuked by my mother for failing. I'm compared to my successful MBA topper, MNC-working elder sister and how I'm utterly worthless in front of her. She forgets that my sister spend a whopping amount on her MBA. They forget that I'd cleared my entrance exams too for MBA, but had only changed my career option coz I was literally presuurised not to force them again to shell out copious amount of money on my MBA.

I forced myself to face my failure.
Why do we all love to brag about our success and achievments but recoil upon failures.
I did not feel like writing a post on this subject. But then If I would have written a post on any other topic apart from this right now, I would be lying to myself. How can I question my mother for lying about my result if I, myself, can't admit my failure?

I've decided just one thing in my life now i.e. NOT TO PLAN FOR ANYTHING. QUE SERA SERA.

I've run after enough entrances and jobs. I'm in no mood to join back a job soon, though I know I eventually will have to.
I've turned shameless.
I just keep sitting at home. Try to enjoy my holidays just like rest of my college mates have been doing since April.

I'll give my exams again next year. With probably more work experience and wisdom at hand.

Failure is the oppurtunity to begin again more intelligently. ~ Moshe Arens

When you get everything that you want....

2009-06-02T23:03:00.000+05:30

If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ~Oscar Wilde

I have always believed in the above mentioned saying whenever I'm unable to get something I really wanted. But life is funny. It throws unexpected questions at you. Questions, whose answers cannot be sought in the intellectual, age old quotations. These are the questions which make you think "Bhagwaan, Oscar Wilde iss situation pe quote karna kyun bhool gaya??" (Oh god, how did this situation escaped unquoted in Oscar Wilde's times?) :p

I had always been an above average student all my life.
Above average? Yes.
Smart? Yes
Frigging intelligent? NO.

There were times when I used to see students appearing in newspapers, topping CBSE, cracking IIT, IIM's and what not. I was happy being an ordinary girl who never scored too high or did exceptionally well to feature in such newspaper ads. I was contended simply by reading these articles and marvelling at their intellect. (yeah, go ahead, call me complacent, like i care)

College ended. Most of the students in my class entered d Rat race (MBA yaar). I was still contended doing nothing while they appeared for CAT, SNAP, XAT.......

Some of them decided to do MA. I was still happy not being in the centre of attention. (not doing anything, you see ;)

And then, I surprised myself. I don't know what struck me. I decided that I want to be a journalist since writing is what I like. I filled up forms only for some of the top colleges in India for a masters in Mass Communication. I knew it right from the start that I'm not going to make it becuase:

the competition in these colleges is extremely tough
I'm out of the loop when it comes to GK (a must have to crack them).
I've never really been those kurta-wearing, intellectual journo types.

I simply gave them with a dance pe chance maarle kinda feel, which also means I never tried to prepare for them. If I get through, fair enough. If I don't, i'll continue working.

And I seriously think that god visited my blog and read my rants in some of my previous posts like here.
I'm an atheist btw. But this sudden change of events has forced me to believe in the "maaya" of god. I only appeared for entrance test for four top colleges in India. Out of the four, I have qualified for three. The result for the fourth one is awaited.

I was happy when I was selected for St. Xaviers, Mumbai
I was contended when I cleared TCJ.
But when I actually managed to make it through ACJ, I shocked myself. Now, ACJ is one of the top most colleges whose entrance test asks you questions like

Who is the prime minister of Zimbabwe?
Which recession hit European nation elected a female as their new prime minister overnight? Name the country and its new Prime minister.
Why was Gaza Strip in news in February 2008?

mind you, these were the questions I actually faced. If anyone of you reading this blog knows their answers, I salute you becuase I obviously didn't. I left 70% of my paper blank and walked out of the examination hall in 30 minutes flat for a 3 hour exam. :p

And dude, I still got selected!!!.
They say they liked my English section in entrance exam. **pats herself on the back**

I know I should be happy but the catch is I have my interviews lined up.
On 9th June- 11th june, I'm supposed to be in Mumbai for Xaviers interview.
On 12th -14th june, I'm supposed to be in Chennai. Ironically, I need to be in Delhi on the same days as well for Times interview. Now, how will i commute from Delhi--Mumbai-Chennai/Delhi all in one go?

Moreover, I've still not been able to get tickets for Mumbai -Chennai. Summer hols rush, they say. Ab tickets ki wajah se interview miss kar dun?

Do I need to say I'm shit confused, frustrated, aghast?
How will I make it?
Moreover, My boss refuses to give me a leave from the office....damn.

I really wanted to get into these colleges. But now that I'm so close to it, I think Oscar Wilde was wrong.
If we dont get everything that we want, Life is a lot easy.
Simple.

Scattered thoughts .......

2009-05-22T12:49:00.000+05:30

People always come up to me and tell me that I think a lot. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. What leaves me thinking is that was it a compliment or a complaint?
Coz in my writing profession, ideally, it should be considered as an asset but the expression on people's faces around me suggest otherwise. Nevermind.

Once again, I'm standing at crossroads in my life. I don't know where will I be one month hence? Would I be studying somewhere? Would I still be working? Will I have to leave my hometown and move away??
questions, questions...they flog my mind. I'm restless. I'm tired and still there is so much more that is yet to be achieved.

I'm partly happy that I will be moving away. I always wanted to live alone. To experience freedom in its true spirit. To take charge of my own life and the added responsibilities. I'm sad at the thought of leaving my comfort zone. Of ditching all the luxuries I've always been so used to.

Ever since college has ended. Strangely, I feel I've matured overnight. I've had too many experiences, met too many people. There are people I would always treasure and people I wouldn't even like to recall about.

There is always this random wishlist which keeps going on in my mind. It might take a backseat when something more important comes up and demands immediate attention. However, the wishlist again comes buzzing back in my mind, reminding me of the things that I definitely want to achieve/do/say.

I once read somewhere that the world is like a book. And those who don't travel read only a page. I want to travel endlessly. Set out for an unknown destination and not return back. I guess I would love to be a travel writer one day. The idea of a journey exhilirates me.

I want to buy my own car, and a luxurious one. Mind you.

I want to be more assertive in my outlook. Not take bullshit from people who don't or are never going to matter in my life. I'm glad I'm already working towards it.

I always thought moving to a different city solves all your current problems by helping you start your life afresh. As the time for moving away nears, I wonder maybe it doesn't.

There have been a lot of people who came, stayed and move away from me in this journey called life. I can't even recall most of them today. For some, I wish that they would never have been there in the first place. These are the people who ditched me, deceived me, made me cry and finally, helped me to wisen up.

I always wish only if I could get a chance again to be face- to-face with those mean people. Only this time, I would let them know how much they suck. And what big, fat losers they are. But on the hindsight, I'm glad I'll never meet them again. I have no place for bitches in my life now.

And there is a really long list of people who came into my life only to make it more meaningful. I found a mirror soul in a dear friend, called Prachi. I allowed myself to become a woman who has for once loved selflessly, who has for once given his heart to a man and not regret it. Thanks mickey mouse.

Mickey says I have a problem with my life. I have a pretty luxurious life, btw. But still, I'm always slogging myself, testing myself, epxeriencing all the harsh realities which perhaps, I really didn't need to considering my comfortable upbringing. But then, that's life.

I think there is something baking in my oven..

2009-05-13T21:52:00.000+05:30

A random talk between two female friends:

Girl 1 - Hi, I think I forgot something

Girl 2 - Hey, what is it?

Girl 1 - I think there is something baking in my oven and I'm also afraid I might be pregnant.

Girl 2 - Oh my god!!!. Well, lets try rushing back to your home and switch off the oven because that's an immediate problem...what if it led to a short circuit?? bla bla bla

Girl 1 - No, turning off the oven in my home won't help.

Girl 2 - (confused) - But how? We can rush, turn off the oven at your home and then take you to a gynaec for a check up. What say?

Girl 1 - (agitated) - Duh, by something boiling in my oven i mean there is something boiling in my uterus. I forgot to take precaution last night and I'm afraid I might be pregnant!!!

Girl 2 - Ohhhhh......

Moral of the conversation? No, its not to use precaution. Ok, that as well but one more thing which surfaces out of this conversation is that we, women, the fairer sex, the empowered sex or whatever are actually quite confused regarding ourselves.

Yes, I, who has always been a staunch feminist said that. I just said that!
I am not particularly fond of men or their unhygienic habits/lifestyle. However, one cannot deny the fact that men, no matter how laid back they may be are seldom confused regarding what they need to do at a particular point of time. I am not saying they never are confused. Obviously, its a catch 22 situation for them when they are made to choose between Going out on a date with this hot, new chick on the block or watching a live match between Manchester United and Arsenal. :p

ok, i kid, i kid, i joke , i joke!!!

But I, Prianca who had made fun of men in soo many of my previous posts, like here and here , is eating her words today.

I was always very proud of the decisions that I take for myself. The guy I chose as my Bf, the college I went to, the course I graduated in, the career choices that I make for myself, my dressing sense.......Yes, I am/was proud of it all.

Until I realised that this is not all that I want.

I do not want a staple 9 to 5 job. Damn, my current job exceeds up to 6.30 pm (how I am hating it)
I do not want to let my arse have a gala time, bulgeoning away to glory while I remain seated on the same work station for long hours.
I've realised that I still want to be a writer. But being a fashion editor of some good magazine or fashion journalist wouldn't hurt. Right girlies?
I don't want to remain stuck in this job where all I do is review guy stuff like gadgets, play stations, navigation systems and give my animated opinions about them. The funny part is that the stuff I review and give my opinions in a " I -myself-have-been-using -this-product-for-such-a-long-time"tone, is completely alien to me. I might even not have seen this products in real life, let alone use them. THIS IS SO NOT HAPPENING.

But everything boils down to just one thing. I cannot complain to anybody because the decision to take up this job was taken by me. And damn, the decision to leave it, too, will be entirely mine. And pretty soon enough.

I've realised I'm not happy being out of college. In fact, I've applied in all the creme de la creme colleges of the country for a post graduation out of my sheer frustration. I sooooooo want to get back into campus life. Yeah, I'm contradicting myself. (refer to my previous post).
On certain days, I realise that I will never want to do a job altogether, sitting on the same chair in the same environment, watching the same faces everyday.
The lure of a fat pay package can no longer tempt me. I am going back to college, by hook or by crook.

Men, in my life, on the other hand have been pretty sorted out. I perceived them to be casual/not serious about their career. In the hindsight, I guess they always knew what they want to do and they are doing just that- enjoying themselves thoroughly. With no high aims, no slogging and no high expectations out of themselves, they are a relaxed and happy lot. Give them a mug of beer, a comfortable sofa and an exciting match to watch..and the most complacent smile will appear on their face in no time. The bottom line is they are satisfied with their life. I am not. Rings a bell?

I am not saying that men are better than us, women. They can be our equals but better? Naaaah.
However, they know what they want to do, what they dont want to do and how to live happily. Maybe that's why they make good drivers. Alas....

Happy = Me

2009-05-04T02:17:00.000+05:30

Hello People. Wow, I'm so very glad to be back at blogosphere finally. I'm so glad I'm finally done with my exams. Done with my final exams, done with my graduation. woohoo. Though the upcoming post grad entrances exams still seem like a bit of killjoy, but do I care? Like? ;)

Its only a weekend (that makes it exactly two days - saturday and sunday) that I had to celeberate my freedom. Tomorrow I go back to work. Yes, I'm finally joining a new office from tomorrow. Work calls me again. :(

Nevamind, knowing that I had only two days to enjoy, I tried to capitalise on them in the best way possible. Here's how it went:

Saturday - spent the entire day sleeping (Considering the sleepless nights my last exam gave me, I definitely deserved it). Woke up around midnight, loitered around the house, stufffed myself with food, went back to sleep again. zzzz
Sunday - Now lovelies, here comes my fav part. I loved this day. I shopped like crazy, went to my fav places, enjoyed myself thoroughly and returned home late night.psst, Its 3 am now. I should be sleeping by now, if I really want to make it to the office in time tomorrow. First day impressions, you know....But do I care? Like? ;)

Alright, enough of my itinerary here.
There are certain happy, lovey dovey things happening in my life right now that make me go like woohoo..... and yes, m being generous. I'm sharing them with you.

My sister is finally placed in some top notch MNC (No, this is not the good thing). The good thing is she will be moving to Mumbai for some work. And I get to rule the house. And our shared bed. And her wardrobe. heeheehaahaa.

I no longer have to study, sit through boring lectures, work for tutorials and other research assignments. However, it doesnt negate the fact that I'm going to miss my college days terribly. boohoo. mummyyyyy, I need a tissue...sob sob.

I'm finally earning. Yeah baby.

Bf is going to be in town soon. And that makes me all the more happy. Duh, I only get to see him like once in a month. Friggin LDR.

One of my really nice blogger friend just got through a uni of her choice. And surprisingly, I'm sooo very happy for her. Although we've never met. But its like we have connections. To my utter surprise, I still get upbeat whenever I think how happy she might be right now. You can choose to congratulate her here

I've just realised that I'm going bonkers about those cute zoozooVodafone ads being featured during IPL. For my dear fellas who are still out of the loop, you gotta see those super cute, funny ads here. Man, I'm already a fan of theirs on Fb and I still cant get enough of them. And did you know, all the cute creatures featured in these ads are actually petite South African women. You gotta watch it to believe it.

Strangely, I'm addicted to colour purple. Considering my pet name is pink, a lot of people think that it would be my fav colour too. But I've realised I'm getting too inclined towards purple. For instance today, I ended up purchasing three purple tops, purple ballerinas, a purple hanbag (nevermind the fact, I already had a neon pink supercute bag with me), purple accessories and purple capris. To top it all, as soon as I saw that supa nice purple evening dress, I went weak in the knees again. But my hard luck, Dad said I already had enough. :(((. I can bet even if anyone tries to sell me waste from their junkyard nicely wrapped in a purple packaging, I'll be game for it. Yes, that is the level of my craziness for this colour at the moment.

Another thing which makes me really happy is that I'm finally drinking more and more water. I feel good already.

Enough of my spillings here, how've been you guys doing? Drop back, I so need to get updated on you guys. I think I'' hit the nap sack now. Till then, I wish you guys stay happy too. Because we cant stay happy all the time. Its not possible, But when we actually are, its the best feeling in this world. You bet? ;)))

Shake it like a man!

2009-04-10T23:25:00.000+05:30

Throughout history, men have made the world proud with their achievements, be it the wheel or something more recent but equally important, like nose-hair trimmers. However, there are times when the male species ends up looking really stupid. The invasion of Iraq is one such instance, especially when Bush learnt that it wasn't pronounced 'EYE-Raq' after all.

Of course, you needn't visit 'Incredible Iraq!' to witness displays of male stupidity. Just walk into the nearest club or discotheque, and you'll know what I mean. On one hand, there will be a few (or many, depending on your luck) beautiful women, moving their lithe, sensuous bodies to the music. After slipping on a puddle of your own drool, your gaze will fall on the men. With their "Sunny-Deol-meets-Shakira-and-gets-shock therapy" moves, they're quite impossible to miss. And that, my friends, is the greatest folly of the male species.

Let's face it - all men are born with two left feet, with about thirteen toes on each foot. Unless of course, they're dragged on to the dance floor. After all, it's impossible to resist when a bevy of barely-clad beauties beseech you to boogie with them. Or so I've been told. These guys who, 4 pegs down, fancied themselves to be the love spawn of Michael Jackson and Prabhudeva (scary thought, that).

The male dance repertoire boasts of a number of snazzy moves, two of which are 'Crotch Adjustment: Align or Die!' and 'Reconnaissance: Are the Bitches Looking Yet?'. So that leaves us with these scintillating moves:

1. 'Joey's your daddy!':

Flash goofy grin on face, stretch arms out and trace out circles in the air, taking care to keep your butt jutting away from your body like an iceberg out of the ocean. Ok that may sound like a weird analogy, but watch 5 drunken men do this and you'll know what I mean. Not that the Joey dance transforms them into playboys, but as Chandler would say, 'Could it BE any more fun?'.

2. 'O Mummy Where Art Thou':

More popularly known as the 'Walk Like An Egyptian' step, it involves running around pyramids with Rachel Wiesz. No wait, that's just how Brendan Fraser does it. The rest of us run to the bar and back, and when we're tired of running, we put one hand to our foreheads, the other protruding like a tail, and bob our heads like a bad Bharatnatyam dancer. If you didn't get that, never mind - it degenerates into pelvic thrusts anyway. Horny mofos, those Egyptians were.

3. 'Naked Nagin':

Ok the 'naked' in the title is just a cheap tactic to catch your eye (it worked, didn't it?). Of course, when it comes to grabbing eyeballs, the Nagin step is second only to wearing a 'Just Do It' T-shirt at an HIV-prevention seminar. Made famous by the Sridevi blockbuster Nagin, it thankfully does not involve getting anywhere close to a man named Boney.('Boney'? What were his parents thinking? Maybe he was an exceptionally happy child). No, the Nagin step requires you to raise your arms over your head like a hood and jiggle your man-breasts violently, leaving the ladies breathless. Breathless with laughter, that is.

There are some other steps that men manage, like the Bhangra, which involves yelling " Hoe hoe hoe! Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! " at regular intervals. There's also the 'I-have-loose-motions-and-will-not-move-too-much', wherein you sway gently, trying to not upset your delicate digestive balance.

I'd love to elaborate more on the men who bastardize their brethren's reputation with their repugnant attempts at dance, but I must stop here. It's time for my salsa class you see.:)))

P.S - This post is meant strictly in good humour :) So, all My male readers ( of my blog, you pervert) are requested not to take it personally. plisssh. I feel extreme joy in announcing the author's (yup, dats me) complete disregard in case any "man" feels offended at this innocent, all meant in good humour post. hic. Aint I nice?? :)))

Liberal Arts Leftovers

2009-03-27T19:38:00.000+05:30

Yes, this is the most fantabulous (if that's a word) thing I've come across on the internet. I came across this site, basically a blog by this name. Frankly, the name intrigued me and hence, prompted me to click on the site. And guess, what I discovered?
A whole blog dedicated to students who have just graduated or are about to graduate in BA with English majors. Did someone talk about right timing??? :p

Now, what does the term Liberal Arts Leftovers basically mean?
The author of the blog, who apparently is a graduate in English majors put it like this:
A Liberal Arts Leftover is someone who has mastered the set of skills necessary for the college social environment only to graduate and find themselves a freshman in life–trying to figure out new social systems not to mention professional environments.*

Yes, we graduates in English majors are fed on the idea of liberalism for complete three years (four years in some countries). Only to be left completely clueless and Jobless (mind it) in a not so liberal professional world. Thus, we are the leftovers who can bullshit their way through anything and feel proud of their degrees (like I do) no matter what! Yes, we feel accomplished to be the Liberal Arts Leftovers.

Man, I couldnt agree more. While typing this post, I am reminded of the fact that there are probably twenty or thirty more Liberal Arts Leftovers like me with some sort of Humanities degrees in hands sitting in front of their own computers reading or writing a blog entry. Actually may be more than that considering the current economy.

I realised a lot of my blogs have been too self obsessed. While writing this post, I tried of thinking various things that people might be interested in reading. But apparently, I'm out of touch with rest of the world and IPL and politics (two current sensations) dont interest me much to write about. And lets face it, If you're just about to graduate from college and you're not married with kids, you've got to be thinking about yourself!!!

I'm selfish.

I've decided certain things that I want from my life now:

Take the CAT this year
Learn how to cook all the exotic dishes I always wanted to
Be impressive
Charge money for friendship (genuiness comes at a price)
Eat more vegetables (basically eat more stuff apart from chocolates)
Become a regular at jogging
Get the goddamned raise to my expected level on job front
Spend more of my salary on myself.
And, join some decent MBA coaching institute or if I'm very very lucky, a good mass communication insititute. Whatever happens first.

In other news, I've also somewhat figured out the meaning of life. And I'm not telling.

One of the main reasons why I'm writing this post is

2009-03-20T01:23:00.000+05:30

simply because I'm bored.

I've got loads of things to do but prefer procrastinating at blogville.
Another 33 days and I'd be a f******g graduate. Another addition to the other millions of jobless grads.
The good news is I already got a job today. So, I partly know where my life is headed immediately after my final exams get over. Yup, you guessed it right. Its office.

Darn, the mere thought freaks me out. Though the job is what I always wanted and salary is just about okay too. Just keeping my fingers crossed that I do get through a decent sa college for my post graduation in mass communication. Else, I'll have to drop a year, slog in the office and prepare again. yikes.

Three wild years of graduation made me realise certain things

I absolutely, perfectly, completely, with all my heart (nd liver, stomach, pancreas nd other anatomy stuff) HATE bitches. (Both male and female versions) ..if you know what I mean
I believe that karma rocks....I dont give any crap to others, neither do I take any.
Moral policing is downright irritating and stupid. (Got lots to tell about it, will need another post)
Curiousity is good. It makes us dig for success with renewed enthusiasm every day.
I finally realised that I do not have to give an effing shit to useless people around me who keep making life hell for others.
Its perfectly alright if half of the society you live in thinks that you're unapproachable, anti social and have got attitude.@ this so -called society :- Do others a favour, mind your own business.
You and only you are responsible for what you do with your life and for every action that you take. Dont try to place the blame on circumstances, family, friends.....That not the way it works. The sooner you realise this, the better.
I realised that your eyes will not see what your mind does not know.
Do not try to justify yourself everytime you are wronged. You will never owe a justification to people who are not going to believe you...(why bother!). Others will still love you and understand you without having to say any thing.
Letting yourself free every once in a while is great. Its fun.
There is nothing sexy about shouting. Neither about raising hands/fists on your loved ones. (domestic violence). It only shows how frustrated and coward you are.
On an ending note, live your life while you are still at it. Its the only chance, one life that you've got.

Me done. Will catch some sleep before I hit my books again. :((

Good-Riddance

2009-03-15T00:32:00.000+05:30

So, yesterday was my Farewell party. I'm finally going to be a graduate. yayy. The party was nice, though it could have been hosted in a much better manner. Nevermind.
The thing is that I'm finally going to be a graduate and rather than growing nostalgic or very sentimental about it, I'm partly looking forward to get out of the college. Not becuase my college sucks (or even if it does, I couldnt care less).

Its the college environment I want to get out of. Frankly speaking, I'm not much of a social person. So I never made any really nice friends in these three years. I guess I was a bit too busy trying to balance work, studies, my LDR wid bf and other important matters. No grudges though. ..*wink*

So, post the official farewell party, all the to-be-graduating seniors (me included) and some of our juniors played a game called Confessions -2. Now, every one of us was supposed to tell what they ACTUALLY felt about their other graduating friends and trust me, it was scandalously phun!!!.

The best part is I got to learn a lot about myself, from what others had to say about me. Now, in a lot of my previous posts I'd already mentioned that I was allergic to bitching and bitches. However, it was nice to know what some of my classmates (who fall in this category perfectly) had some not so nice things to say about me. It was a nice change you know. I was bored of listening how genuine/frank I am or how wonderful my hair, figure, handwriting and god know wat all is.

I guess I could already figure out some of those things during my college life. But the rest of them totally surprised me. And the best and strangest part is I did not feel offended at all. Because these people had nasty things to say only about those students who have done pretty well for themselves academically, regarding their careers or were pretty looking or smarter than these self assumed critics. :p
Moreover, though I was trying to accept all nice and some not so nice things about me. I realised how I'd changed during these three years. I'm definitely not going to miss these critics for sure, though I'm secretly happy that they are not or can never be at the position where I and some other students who were targets of their bitchy wrath are. ....**evil grin**
Serves them right, i guess

However when my turn came to confess it all, I only addressed such nasty critics in an extremely diplomatic way and told them, "I have nothing against you darling. You say what you feel. You feel what your (narrow) mind and (shallow) heart allows you to. You are essentially human. Stay that way"
I wish them luck for their future bitching endaevours though. Such people definitely add a lot of masala to the class man.

I'm happy I do not react publicly anymore. I'm happy I did not try to defend myself or avenge them by trying to wash their dirty linen in public coz that would have solved their purpose...it would have given them a chance to upset me again. I'm happy I'm more in control of my life and decide whom I need to give zero, little or loads of importance to. Because I know people who matter to me are going to stay in my life, no matter what. Rest can go and take a hike. ...*wink wink*

I formed some great memories there which will always stay with me. I learned a lot about life, myself and the way world works. I'm happy I was able to form my morals,values and discover some of them in me while my undergraduation. So, petty things like jealous classmates do not figure out in my agenda anymore.

I forgive them all. I feel like god. :p :p :p

A date with childhood....

2009-02-22T21:45:00.000+05:30

She was sitting on the shore....It was almost 3 in the night....The sea was not calm and serene as it is made out to be in picture perfect movie scenes. In fact, the waves were rising high, only to crash down again against the unresponsive shares. It was a full moon night. The best one she had ever witnessed. It was calm and tranquil there on the shore.
But sitting there at the beach, she could hear certain voices. Voices of her friends and people partying in the shacks behind her. And here she was, sitting with a bottle of beer, thinking, letting her soul free on the sea shore. Somebody told her it was not safe to venture out alone so late in the night. But did she care?
While sitting there, letting her long tresses loose and cool breeze brush past her face, she was calm. But just like the rising and subsequently falling waves, her mind was buzzing with thoughts.

For the first time in her enitre life, she could remember her childhood so vividly. It was strange. Only when you are away from people whom you have known all your life, you realise their actual importance in your life.
She remembered:

Her grandfather dropping her to bus stop everyday, when she was in kindergarten till second grade. The endless and innocent list of questions she would ask him everyday while going to school.
How her grandpa would try to answer every query of hers, making her a little more intelligent and aware every time.
How badly she had cried when her grandpa expired this year
How she had first fallen in love
How hard she used to work hard for boards, inter school competitions and the fire in her to prove herself everywhere.
She wondered what had caused that fire to diminish in her. She feared it would extinguish someday.
But was relieved to realise instantly that her "self" is too strong to allow that to happen.
She remembered how cheerful and happy she would get upon getting wet in rain, being allowed to play till 8pm, eating kismi bars and melody toffees.
How she had felt fearfully female upon being eve teased for the first time while growing up and how she had learnt to behave "properly" in public places in order to protect her diginity.
How happy she was upon receiving her first barbie doll, her first wrist watch, her first mobile phone, her first scholarship, her first merit certificate ....all gifts from her father or her hard work. Either way, she realised all of these still hold a special place in her heart.
She wondered how and why did she allowed her innocence to slip away?

Suddenly, her friend came along with another pint of beer, inviting her for a round of dance at the party. "I'm coming", is all she screamed back.
And then, started heading towards the maddening trance music being played, headed to lose herself again in the crowd...leaving behind the footprints of her self and soul into the sand....only to be washed down by another round of unrepressible waves.

Sibling Rivalry

2009-02-20T12:56:00.000+05:30

Ever wondered why does god give one siblings? I mean, elder or younger, brothers or sisters, Why does god give one siblings???

Personally speaking, I guess I have been a bit too (un)lucky in this aspect. We are a bunch of four siblings and I can only pity my parents sometimes at the harrowing time we give them. I know that one can choose their friends but not family....but man, four siblings???
Life's just not fair.

Or so I feel.....

I'm more of a reserved and introvert person and love my private space. The sad part is that my sibs make sure that I do not get any. They really tend to get on my nerves at times. Making me go mad, frustrated, angry and plain agitated. I love bunking college on weekdays and staying at home. Coz that's the only time when they are not here. They are busy attending school, college or office or watever (I couldn't care less)

My family is an interesting bunch too. We all have been spoiled badly (yes, i admit) by our father. Poor mother just keeps running after all of us for food or other things. Now, coming back to my devil of siblings. This is what makes me despise them...

My elder sister - University topper, MBA, intelligent. The sad part is she stinks. All the time. I wonder if she even bathes properly. Loves to bully me. Will probably die the day she stops getting juicy updates about me (which she uses to her advantage). What makes matters worse is that she's got this oh-some dressing sense. Will go to a mall, spend thousand of bucks, come back with disappointing stuff and still have the balls to show it off around the house. However, when the time comes to go out, she suddenly finds her new clothes aren't THAT good. And then, she attacks my (poor man's but filled with nice stuff) wardrobe.That too, without even telling me. All that i'm left doing is wonder where did my clothes go?? Sharing is a word which does not exist in her dictionary. She simply picks up my stuff and gets mad even if I go near her almirah. I wish god would grant her a better dressing or shopping sense, coz I never get to wear clothes she purchases. :( On second thoughts, her clothes aren't worth wearing either. Personal experience, touche.

My younger brother 1 - He is only a year and half younger to me, but looks much older. We have a lot in common; our preference for personal space, love for chocolates (he steals mine all the time), good music, love for fitness and our indifference towards each other. Yup, that's true. I somehow like him because he lets me breathe. Not like other brothers who keep a tab on each and everything their sisters do, check their phone records and all that jazz. He just hasn't got the time for it. He is too busy and happy in himself. ;) Yet, the moment he gangs up against me with my sister mentioned above, all hell breaks loose. However, he's got a pretty good sense of humour. So, i can stand him for like most of the times.

Picture this, he comes into the room. Finds me sleeping with a quilt on a chilly, winter morning. Turns on the AC and fan in the room and then, shouts - "Mummy, prianca AC main so rahi hai itni thand main" .....WOW!!!

My younger brother 2 - Now, comes the main hero. The youngest and obviously most pampered one in the house. Spoiled to the point of no return (so my mom thinks). Is only in class tenth, but thinks he's got the experience and intelligence of James Bond in each and every thing. Does what little boys of his age do - show off, TRY to impress girls (fails every time), bully me and get bullied by the other brother mentioned above, fight with me all the time for my laptop. Got eyebrow piercings done in class tenth. He never fails to surprise (shock) me by his constant misadventures of being spoilt.

Now, you must be thinking that I'm some real devil who comepltely hates her family. Not really. But I aint a saint either. I prefer only talking to my parents in the house and I'm the best pass time for my siblings. They love to gang up against me and poke fun at me, all the time. They call me an outsider coz they beleive that I my school of thought is very different from them. I hate those bitching and ridiculing sessions. So, i always make it a point to treat them with stoic indifference. I wish I could go someplace else...any hostel, college in different state/country, anything but away from them.
Alas, it never helps. Because all I'm left doing is venting out my frustration here at the internet. Gotta go, my sister's arrived.

P.S. - Did I tell you I cleaned my Converse shoes today? With my sister's toothbrush? She doesnt know and I'm soo happy..:p (yeah, call me evil).

But its okay......

2009-01-28T01:18:00.000+05:30

It was almost six years back. I was partly nervous and partly agitated ( at my mom). She had arranged math classes for me at some neighbouring coaching centre. It was the time of my tenth class boards.
Coaching centre!!! I mean, WTF. anything was acceptable to me at that time but not trying to study maths with a group of other lousy students together.
She charged into the room and said "You are supposed to join this XYZ coaching centre from tomorrow. I've talked to the sir there. Now go and study"

I still remember my first day at that tution centre when I saw him for the first time. As usual, I was late. Even on the first day. (so typically me). He turned back to look at me (as did the rest of the class). Man, entering late into a class calls for so much of unsolicited attention. Nevermind, all I saw was him. sizing me up and then, his eyes darted back to his books. And I was Struck!!!

Big Time.
Yes, that was my first crush. I hated to admit it. I hated the way my stomach would churn upon seeing him. I hated to acknolwedge the fact that he was the most smartest guys around, and i was the typical bespectacled, perenially irritated, fat and not exactly attractive, girl around. I used to ignore him deliberately. I never wanted to let him know. Never wanted to stroke his male ego.

Everybody told me its just a phase. Its just my first crush. There are many more to come, I will grow out of this phase and blah blah blah
I still haven't been able to come out of that phase. I still havent been able to find myself a second crush. Nobody matches up to him.
My first crush is my boyfriend today. (obviously first one I've ever had, and I know I wouldnt have settled for any other guy apart from him).

He asks me not to take him too seriously. Not to give so much importance to him and enjoy life. Maybe I do not hold a lot of importance in his life. But its okay.
It took almost six years before I could have what I yearned for. But its okay. Because I know I have one of the best gifts I could ever receive. The gift is he, himself.

I dont know whether I will ever grow out of this phase or not. I've grown up to understand him, his ways, his moods. And still I'm always as dazed upon seeing him as I was six years back.

I hate to admit this but he ( or his constant absence) helped me to realise certain things about myself in all these years. They are:

I am a bit toooooooooooo sentimental.
Destiny had its own cruel plan of making me ( a staunch feminist) fall for someone so badly that I even forget my own existence in front of him. Let alone feminism. But for all other guys, i'm still the same. Feminist and strongly fierce. So, beware!!!!
No matter how hard I try, I cannot flirt with other guys.
I think a lot.
If my life was a novel, he would be one of the lead characters in my life. The worst part is I already know, I wouldnt figure out anywhere in his priority list in life.

But its okay.......

I think I take thing too personally

2009-01-05T22:28:00.000+05:30

I was thinking the other day, as much as I try to have a sense of humour, I think I take things too personally. I tend to overreact. A lot. This usually ends up leaving me in not so pleasant situations. I've had incidents where I've stopped talking to people because of some stupid remark. Seriously, how could they NOT know their mean remarks were going to offend someone?

I've been bearing a lot of bullshit from a male friend in recent past. He loves to call me Dumbo. Anything which goes wrong, and pat the remark comes

"Oh, it was expected out of you. You're a dumb girl after all".

How chauvinistic!!!

I've been bearing all this, though my threshold to take bullshit is really low. Especially from guys.

And I've also had friends cross the line big time. Judging me and brandishing me publicly when they virtually don't know even an iota about me. Poking their snoopy nose into my personal matters, which have apparently got nothing to do with them. Even remotely. And then, trying to make me feel naked, guilty or plain wrong. There was an acquaintance who recently remarked, "Oh prianca, you can never adjust to struggle. You are too spoilt for luxury". Oh really? It seemed as if she had done an entire ph.d on my lifestyle. The irony is she was JUST a remote acquaintance. I'm sorry, that's just wrong. I may not say anything to them at that moment. But then, I'm also not saying anything to them now.
Why do people like crossing lines and testing our patience?

The most effective answer to an insult is silence ~ Author unknown

G Talk

2009-01-03T00:25:00.000+05:30

There's something about girly talks that I simply don't like at all. I don't participate in them, or at least try not to. Come together a bunch of close female friends and one thing which is inevitable is GOSSIP.
What is it about talking baselessly about other people, with great interest? I have often found myself in simliar situations. I keep sitting there, listen to everyone and leave. My friends think I am either not interested in their animated conversations (which i am so not) or do not have anything interesting to contribute.
Either ways, it's not a very positive sign as far as my so-called repo in front of my friends is concerned.

So what did I do today? I found myself at the hotbed of one such malicious rumour about a friend, where I knew the whole truth already!!!
Believe me when I say that sitting there and trying to listen to those bits of baseless allegations and assumptions (gossip, i mean) was quite a task. I was tempted quite a number of times to ask my friends to stop and tell them the real scene (which is not so pleasant either). And probably that's why I didnt want to tell them the unpleasant facts. bleh. Not quite a thing that I should be proud of........

It's nothing major though. Because I know at the end of the day, our friend whose love life was being gossiped about, isn't a saint either. And doesnt care. neither for me,, nor for other friends or the gossips being circulated about her.

Even if you simply listen to gossip, you are participating in it..............

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it. ~ Earl Wilson

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2008-12-27T20:20:00.000+05:30

While walking past a hoarding in underground metro the other day, I came across this advertisement for AOL chat groups. It said: People come and go, Friends stay.
As always, i was in a hurry. And i moved on. But this punch line remained there buzzing in my mind for a few days.

What is it about friends which is so overrated?
You have an almost different set of friends when you are in school. Get new friends if you happen to change school. Come graduation and you have a new lot of friends. Same happens with your post-grad or office environment when you move further ahead in life.
One would argue that this is what friends are all about. Friends make a sincere effort to stay in touch.

I wont say that I do not agree with this argument. Its true, friends are people who really care to stay in touch, to be there for you when you need it the most. They do not change even if they happen to meet you after a considerable period of time. The warmth is still there.

Then, why is it that some people turn a cold shoulder to you as soon as you move out of the institution which brought you together? It could be your school, dance classes, office et al. Once you move out of that place, they transform from being really good friends to mere acquaintances who would only give a hesistant, acknowledging smile if they happen to see you at some public place. Whatever happened to the warmth and all? At most, you guys would exchange greetings on social networking sites, plan to meet up once in a while but then, that's about it.
Such friends end up being a part of your social life. People whom you keep bumping into parties, invite them to parties but people who do not mean the world to you. Neither do you to them.
Are these friends?

I strongly believe that friends is a highly misused word. Just because I happen to attend the same academic batch as fifty other students or happen to travel together everyday in a cab doesnt qualify them to be my FRIENDS.
I prefer to call them acquaintances. My so-called friends are often hurt when I tell this to them bluntly. Yes, its true that they happen to know a lot about me. But that's because I am spending them a large amount of my time with them, for my office/college purpose.

And no, I am not actually in love with the idea of being called rude. There are people who claim to be your friends. Then for any reason, big or small, they fight with you, have arguments, insult you and move away. Tada. Friendship broken. Love's Labour lost.
And you called them Friends?
blah. didnt that Ad said "FRIENDS STAY".
yes, Friends stay. They apologise and make up. Learn to accept each other for what they are. And its not easy to find such people. So, please, do not condemn me if I refuse to call every Tom, Dick and Harry my F.R.I.E.N.D.

I read this somewhere and I guess it is applicable for every one of us. We tend to mentally divide our large number of friends into four categories and treat them accordingly. They are:

Best of friends.
Good friends
Friends with benefits
Just friends

Its been a while.....

2008-12-08T21:28:00.000+05:30

Alright, so its been a while since i scribbled something on this page. Had been pre-occupied with a lot of things which had been screaming for attention....studies, work, friends,family,"me"time et al. Well, all said and done, the thing is I want to scribble so much, pour out all those million things which are running in my head right now. And hell, this writer's block. I'm unable to write even a single thought in a lucid manner.

So, I'll be opting for the easy way out right now. M gonna play the tag game again.

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be? : Well, I'll ask him to fuck off. There is absolutely no valid excuse for cheating.

2. If you could have one dream come true which one would it be? : Hmm, I'll ask god to grant me another 100 dream come true's or something. :)

3. Whose butt would you like to kick? : Anyone who tries to mess with me does end up getting kicked (almost) . hehe. No, seriously, I would like to kick the hell out of people who are responsible for terrorism. And also those who are in power but take no steps to curb it.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars? : Ogle at it. Keep ogling to make myself believe it is actually mine. Spend it on roti, kapda, makaan nd caviar, designer clothes nd cars, a penthouse, diamonds, travel to extoic location nd oder basic needs. Rest will be kept in bank to earn more interest or invest it, i guess.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend? : Hain?????????????

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?: Being loved, for sure. feels blissed. coz love is all about sacrifices and I would prefer to be on the receiving end of this sacrificing business. .........**wink wink**

7. How long would you wait for someone you love?: Till the time the person is worth waiting for. Could be a day, could be a lifetime. You never know.

8. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do? : Try to get him Unhooked, asap. heeheehaahaa. evil grin.

9. If you could root for one social cause which one would it be?: Educating poor children and adults. This is the only social cause I soooo strongly feel for.

10. What takes you down the fastest?: Cramps. Hate 'em. :(

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years' time: Here itself. But with a sexy, growing career, my own sedan, a more sexier and definitely more happier me.

12. What's your fear?: Failure. No, seriously, the only thing I really fear is meeting failure in life and face myself again.

13. What kind of person(s) do you think the person who tagged you is/are?: Nobody tagged me. I am playing this tag game myself. Height of wellapanti. ;)

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?: Married and filthy rich.

15. What is the first thing you do when you wake up? : Look at the alarm clock and fall asleep again.

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who would you pick?: The one who is more hawt, loving and rich.

17. Would you give all in a relationship? : I guess, no. No wait, maybe yes. Well, I dont know. would depend on the kind of relationship it is.

18. What's eating you now?: My extremely unhealthy habit of procrastination.

19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?: Another relationship question, and i'll end up slamming my lappy real hard. arggghhhh

20. Tag 6 people...
**Prachi
**Kirti
**Charnita
**Scribbler's Inc
**Jackwise
**AP- The Argumentative Indian

Guys, pls do complete the tag. Its fun.

Tring...Tring..goes my phone

2008-10-25T18:16:00.000+05:30

Or cell phone... well, either way, I don't think there's anyone with the traditional "ring" kind of.. ringing. (ringtones ka zamaana hai, even the himesh ones). sic. Whatever, someone is calling you, and it's me! I'm calling you! What a miracle, I'm not a big fan of the phone. I mean, it's cool, it's handy, it's useful, but there's something about it that I'm not 100% completely cool with. I really like to write letters, so I guess that would be my preferred choice for communicating with people, but alas, I'm the only one who likes to write letters, so I'm all alone in this weird world of letter writing. (or whatever you'd call it). Even emails would do in this tech buzzed world, but man, I need to communicate. Pour my heart out through my words.

Any way, where was I? Oh yeah, well, I'm calling you right now, ok? And the reason I'm calling you is because I"m bored. Is that a crime? Nope, not at all. People will call you only when they are free or have something urgent to discuss with you. Not when they are attending lectures, meetings, or may be nature's call. On the contrary, you have the luxury to read letters at your ease. Not like those pesky calls, leave everything at hand and run to attend the tring-ing phone. What, you want me to call when I'm entertained? Of course not. Because the reason for my calling in the first place is for you to entertain me! So, if anything, you should be grateful and lucky and thanking the heavens I thought about you and gave you call... or sent you a text message. Either way, you should be happy. Aint I modest. .........**chuckle**

What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters. You can't reread a phone call. ~Liz Carpenter

Men = Happy

2008-10-11T19:22:00.000+05:30

This was an email forward and I somehow found it too true not to share..........

Its true. Men are more happier than women. I mean, what else do you expect from such simple (and proud of it) creatures???
bcoz

Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier :p

The good old 90's

2008-09-29T19:44:00.000+05:30

Just the other day, when I was surfing through Facebook, I chanced to come across a group which listed all the things which one would remember if they had grown up during the 90's. Now, though the idea was pretty interesting, most of the things mentioned in thr group didnt suit Indian sensibilities. Coz most of us probably didn't grow up making fantasies/plans about our special prom night when we could barely crawl.

So, I decided to compile a list of all the things an average teenager/ twenty something indivdual can relate to. Though not all the things are mine (some of them are borrowed from the internet, but then, that's only because we all can remember the same things about the 90's).

So, here's my version:

YOU WERE AN INDIAN KID WHO GREW UP IN THE 90'S IF:

You know who Mogli from the Junglebook is coz you grew up singing the title track along with, while watching the show on Doordarshan.

You wrote an actual letter (or a letter in your head), which although never materialised to MTV's Most Wanted. yes, shehnaz seemed to be the best, cutest Vj of all times then.

You religiously turned on the TV on Sundays at noon to watch the Bournvita Quiz contest with Derek O'Brien. Yes, religiously. Its quite shocking to know that of all the people I know today, admit having fond memories with this show in their childhood.

"Made in India" by Alisha Chinai was one of your favourite songs and you secretly wished that one day, a bare bodied Milind Soman would sweep you off your feet.

Your first email address was the lamest one you ever had. Eg. coolhotchick@yahoo.com

You can still recount all the characters from Hum Paanch (the only somewhat ok show ever produced by crass queen, Ekta Kapoor)

You thought that having a birthday party at the newly opened Wimpy's or Pizza Corner would make you the most popular girl/boy in your school group.

You could sing along the Vicco turmeric ad.

You got ready in the morning for school while watching "Gi Joe" and the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on Star plus.

You hoped to collect the entire collection of then-overpriced Barbie dolls someday.

Your wardrobe was almost completely made up of clothes from Weekender kids

Tinkle and Champak along with Chahcha Chaudhary and Pinky were the first comic strips/magazines you ever read.

You though Nick Carter from Backstreet Boys was the cutest guy alive on earth (As 10-12 year olds, HOT wasnt yet a part of our vocabulary)

You managed to cover the entire one wall of your room with posters of Leonardo di Capario.

Speaking of which, your mom made you shut your eyes during the infamous "car" scene. Or worse still, they refused to take you to the theatre to watch this enormous hit flick deeming it inappropriate for your age.

You wished you had your very own robot sister, like "vicky" from Small Wonder

You traded your tazos for coloured Add gel pens.

You would have given your left eye for a game like Jumanji.

Dancing to "Saturday Night" and "Macarena" was given at any party. And singing along "Going to Ibiza" from Vengaboys made you the coolest among the lot.

You still remember that "Lays" was originally called "Ruffles".

You were hooked onto Cartoon Network and had to be surgically removed from in front of the TV.

You grew up to be a pretty awesome dude or chick.

Ok, i know words like Dude or Chick do not fall into the 90's category, but that's coz we had grown into the new millenium by then. And then, you seriously cannot deny the fact that we are a pretty awesome generation.

P.S - if you guys have more points to add, go ahead. M quite sure I have missed quite a few.

ATE.....

2008-09-11T01:13:00.000+05:30

Getting emotionally depressed for me is nothing new. You know, this "i -am- so-sad" phase comes in my life every now and then. The good part is that it never lasts for more than a day or two (thankfully).
And when i am feeling sad, down and out, I binge. To Hell with my week long diet plans, I attack on chocolates like Druggies do on dope after coming out of rehab!!! :p
But i was just wondering, what if i were to eat eight chocolate donuts and come back home, tell my mum "I ate eight donuts, so cant have more food". Man, i would love to see the reaction on her face.......how she would think again that she has been blessed with a daughter who would go to any lengths to prove how retard she is.

But this is not what I intend to write about. I have already cribbed a lot in my last post, so this one is only going discuss the 8 things in my life, in 2008 in various aspects. here it goes

8 THINGS I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT

*Money- both earning and spending (and saving, at times)
*Good Food- only eating :p
*Quality of life- has to be maintained in everything i do
*Knowledge- give me more, anytime
*Writing- man, my world is here
*Advertising/ Communication- is my call
*Hawt men- i know its like a kick in the balls for ol d ppl who think how staunch a feminist i am - i still am- but definitions differ
*Sleeping- ;)

8 THINGS I WANNA DO BEFORE I DIE

*Get myself the right job and become a CEO of some luxury brand or a fashion mag editor. haye, ishtyle
*Buy a sexy sedan and then find myself a man who would take me on long drives @ 1 in the night on the Ring Road in delhi. BLISS!
*Have a grand punjabi wedding, with this guy mentioned above. Chatwal ishtyle.
*Have a Hen paaardy before that wedding, with all the hawt men on earth!
*Travel around the world..a road trip..discover new places....and try out the chocolates everyewhere :p
*And this ones really important...enter a good mall, buy everything, i repeat, EVERYTHING, that i like. Do a "show this.....nice...pack it" kinda thaang, you know ;)
*Most importantly, earn enough money and study well to do all these
*Hmm, a bit senti, but I want my parents to take pride in me. Look at me and say..."Itni bhi jhalli nahi hai"

8 THINGS I SAY MOST

*Cool - universal adjective
*Oh Fuck- anything which pisses me off or goes wrong, prompts me to use this cuss word. Especially men
*Hmmm- everytime the other person goes on blabbering the shit i aint really interested in or cant understand a word of.
*Main ni khel rahi- everytime i want to exhibit my disapproval at anything. Yo babby, life's a game.;)
*Ba****d- This word is especially reserved for some special kind of guys who try to test my patience in public places by trying to act cool or hit on me.
*DASh DASH - everytime i feel like using explicit stuff in front of some respectable company, i resort to this. FILL IN THE BLANKS YOURSELF kinda thing. :P
*Yup yup- everytime i need to say Yes
*I am hungry- coz dats wat i am most of the times :p

8 BOOKS I LOVE
*Veronika decides to die- Paulo cohelo
*Blasphemy- Taseema Durrani
*One Night at a Call center- Chetan Bhagat
*Chicken Soup for the Soul (all versions)
*Angels and Demons
*The Shadow lines
*Loosing my Virginity- Richard Branson
*You Can Win -Shiv Khera

8 SONGS I COULD LISTEN TO OVER AND OVER AGAIN
*Thank you- Dido
*My Lover's Gone- Dido
*White Flag - Dido (yeah, i know, m a sucker for her songs)
*Yakeen- Atif Aslam
*Gal Ban Gayee- Sukhbir
*My Happy Ending- Avril Lavigne
*Coming Back To life- Pink floyd
*Way I Are- Timbaland

8 IMPORTANT ELEMENTS IN MY LIFE
*my best friend- goes on holidays without even bothering to gimme a call. wtf?
*my father- the most important man in my life, father, nurturer, pamperer,preacher, the best teacher of my life
*education- has made me what i am today. a dash.
*writing- saves my soul
*love- can never have enough of it
*other friends- will not call me in ages, then tell me that i have become too busy for them :/
*experience- I am olways learning from them
*happiness- isnt olways there. but when it is, that is the best feeling in the world.

Ppl I am tagging
*Prachi
*Kriti
*Charnita

Bheja Fry

2008-09-11T00:40:00.000+05:30

I had often heard that each and every relationship comes with an expiry date. No matter how much you want to retain that bond, one day it will fade away.

There is so much happening in my life right now......sometimes, i never even get the time to sit back and realise if this is what i always wanted.........
I was looking back at my high school pics a few days back with a friend.....though he could only notice the drastic makeover I have undergone (i was a typical bespectacled nerd during my school days). I realised one more thing......I was smiling then. In each of the pics. It was a genuine, carefree smile. Not the fake, forced smile which i reserve especially for occasions, now, whenever someone screams on my face "SAY CHEESE".

One of my friend asked me today, Prianca, do you know yourself?
I didnt knew what to say. because very frankly speaking, i dont know whether i know myself or not.
I'll ask you, the one who is reading this blog,do you know yourself?
You might say Yes or No.
But what if you are forced to undergo this mental metamorphsis. Assume an identity in public, you know you cannot identify with. Then, would you be able to say as confidently that you know yourself?

I no longer try to fit in a group. Coz i never had a group as such. I am what I am. Just trying to be at peace with myself.
I always thought it would be terribly lonely to stay alone. The sheer thought of having no one close to talk to, to share your ups and downs freaks me out. literally.
As my luck would have it, some of the most cherished, precious people in my life are the ones who love staying alone.
Or simly put it in other words, dont feel the need to communicate with me as frequently as i do. Nevertheless, the emotional fool that i am, i know they will always be the most important people in my life.

I used to be a chatterbox once.....notoriously famous for my unending talking sprees. Then, as my friends gradually moved away, i started talking to myself. While travelling alone, while sitting idle, anywhere, anytime.
I talk a lot even today. Though its only in my mind now. It never finds a way out. Apart from these occasional blog posts. And my talks arent as chirpy, lively and optimistic. They are mostly dejected and depressed. As if this blog belongs to some 90 yr old grandma who has been through the prime of her life.

WHat the hell! iI am not even 20 yet.
This will have to change. Coz I hate the way things are right now.
The catch is I dont know how?

i just wonder whether the relationship which one shares with oneself comes with an expiry date too?
coz if it does, i have almost reached it
damn, a middle finger to this fucker feeling.

Thank You

2008-08-29T13:48:00.000+05:30

Ever get so mad at someone that you run off to bitch to your friends and then they get this immensely skewed perception of the person. Of course, in your anger you also fail to mention the good aspects of the relationship. Sometimes, when you're REALLY pissed off, your mouth runs away with the momentum of your emotions and I'll start to blog negativelyabout your insiginificant others. Oops, did i say "I'll", i meant, "you will start to"........

But today, sitting here in my room, I dont have anything to complain about. I had waited all my teenage life for one thing. Finally got it. But as they say, good things come in small packages. Mine happiness comes bound by time. There is this specific day in every one or two months, when I am really happy. Though, the happiness doesnt last for more than a few hours. This is the time when i get to meet my close friend, who visits me only once in a month. Hardly for an hour. But, beggars cant be choosers, right.

My life is brilliant. My life is pure. And i want to thank that special person for making me grow as a person. Making me realise what patience is. And how endless and long waiting can be.
I am leaving you guys with this song lyrics from Dido's THANK YOU

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again
and even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the
day
and then you call me and it's not so bad
it's not so bad and

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and
through
then you handed me a towel and all I see is you
and even if my house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue
because you're near me and

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

ROCK IT, BLOG IT

2008-08-29T13:12:00.000+05:30

I have been known to rant, rave and this always lets my blog get the best of my emotions. Though it feels good to pour out emotions, I've had all sorts of people, dear pals come up to me and tell me that my blog reflects negatively on my life. As in, it only goes on to prove how miserable my life is. Some of them often mistake my genuine outpour of emotions as my aggression (which is defintely true some of the times :p). But then, ONLY SOME OF THE TIMES!!! period.
But in certain occasions, when I genuinely post something uplifting, something peppy on my posts, they will come up to me and ask "Was that you? Your recent post didnt reflect your personality"
I mean WHAT?
Do these homo sapiens have compeltely forgotten about the concept of creative freedom?
I will post what I am feeling. What i want to say. It need not always be spicy enough for a good read. For Christs sake, this is my life. Not a spicy dish served straight out of your roadside dhabas.

Wow, There is definitely one thing this blog is helping me to. Control my aggression. And no, this post is not meant to hurt any of my dear friends. Their genuine, critical comments and opinions are always welcome.

Enough of my outpour here. I'll suggest you to go out and catch the latest flick, ROCK ON by farhan akhtar. rock music cult served in a platter of exquisiteness amidst the commercial hubbub of emotional melodrama typo movies. aye. And did i say, Farhan is looking kinda hot with his long haired, rockstar look ;). And man, he sings.
Though, I dont know how it will fare at the box office. But it seems promising. worth a try, wattsay? :)

Just wanaa end by saying no matter what happens in your life, come what may, ROCK ON.....
life aint that bad. :P

scribbles bout my life

2008-08-28T20:50:00.000+05:30

This is a typical mid week post for me. Its not that my stars have finally shown mercy on me and I am completely free free free (kiske saath, well, i would love to be free with a packet of chips :p)
just imagine, if you could purchase your friends time for free in a complimentary offer in supermarkets - like you get your friend for free (his/her time, i mean) along with a packet of eatables in the grocery shop.
lame thought, i know. but, expected outta me. aye.

So, without further digressing from the topic, no, I am not free. with anything. sigh.
in fact, I am busy. like really busy. or may be i am just TRYING to be busy. you know, when you know that the people around you dont really have time for you, then, what do you do?
sit down and sulk?
naaahhhh
you try to engage yourself in something constructive or laze around. i chose the former one.
in fact, in this quest to try and act busy, i've realised i dont have time to laze around. man, i actually have got that kind of workload on my shoulders. (whoaa, i can alomst feel my shoulders drooping, teehee)
nevamind

This is my final year in the college. The frenzy that surrounds me in the campus, that rush to complete the notes, filling up forms for entrance tests and trying to meet the deadlines for assignments. i often wonder, am i the only one with such a laid back approach while all my classmates are in this mad rush running after deadlines, preparing for post grad entrance tests?
alright
It may sound absurd but i have this sinking feeling that maybe i am really missing out on something big by not giving the dreaded CAT in november. While most of my peers are gearing up for it.
Its like MBA is the only career option available after i graduate apart from MA. which i so detest. hmm
Its getting experimental for me. Somebody really dear to me had told me once that learn to take risks. And at a particular point of time, do just what your heart says.
Well, i have been doing just that. I know that CAT is not the end of the world. And all hell will not let loose on me if i miss out on the frequent paardying, bitch sessions, my 8.40 am classes (damn, m never on time for them) and several other things which my friends stress i should be doing. after all this is my last year na.
screw it man.
I will do what my heart says. give entrances for courses, I know I can be good at. not CAT. sleep all that i want. and work all that i want.
I know there is competition for me. and the only person i like to compete with is myself. I seriously, have never felt the need to compete with, to prove to any other person, that i am better than them. ( no, m not anti-social, its just that i believe, its only i who can challenge myself to strive for better). And in a way, its good. It prevents me from treating my dear ol pals as competition.

I am not complaining here. I am not even criticising the way things are shaping up in my life right now. In fact, i am simply loving it.
This is me.....thinking, comtemplating, questioning, working, lazing around and enjoying my life...the way it is.

Unfair...........

2008-08-14T17:34:00.000+05:30

On certain days, when i am feeling like arggghhh, the only thing that my agitated mind can say is "what the hell, why is my life so unfair??"
But on second thoughts, i defintely feel that may be i am unfair to life. Now, i know i dont fall into the category of girls who are goody-goody, sweet, take-home-to-your-mom types. But then, what the hell. i ain't that bad, either.

i dont smoke, drink, dope or any other of those things which losers do.
i've never been scolded by my teachers (yo, babyyy)
i perform like fairy well, in whatever endeavor i set my heart on (barring my undegraduate course :p)
i have never shop-lifted ;)
never been into brawls and all that jazz
i am at home well in time, before my curfew (7 pm dat is)
i dont eve tease the guys in my colony (heehee hawhaaww)

But the point is not about how good or bad i am, the thing is how unfair my life is to me!!!
The worst thing about guys and career options is that there are always too many good ones to choose from, and the one which appeal to us the most are generally the ones which are least attractive to our parents. And yet, the rebel that i am, i will be going out for the things which appeal to me most. Be it an unconventional career option or a friend circle and follow what my heart says.

To everything else, all that my heart (and mind) says is "Chadd yaar, mitti paa" ;)

If only........

2008-08-14T16:58:00.000+05:30

I often wonder just how wonderful it would be, if we could simply delete certain people from our lives as easily as we can delete them from our email, orkut,facebook (or watever social networking site) lists.
But some recent experiences ( m thanking my stars i had them) were sufficient enough to tell me that in real life, its always a little messy. You've got to watch out for things like tears and emotions and even flying objects hurled at your head.(though, m not d violent ones. i am generally the ones who will run to great lengths just in order to avoid an obnoxious, probably violent situation). In certain cases, deadly words hurled at your face can leave you scarred like no wound possibly can. With some people, there is no use being try to reason out or being brutally honest - these are the ones you will realise, in hindsight, you never should have invited in your life in the first place.

I've been reading this book Your Big Break by Johanna Edwards. The fictional characters in the story work for a break up service. They will probably do anything from making the protagonist quit her job job to dump her boyfriend to resotore the calmness and peace of mind again in her life. I was just wondering, why the hell don't these characters or so-called break up service exist in real life??
So, you dont like your nosy college friend? A simple click on the delete button by this break up service is enough.
Tired of the endless nagging by that obnoxious professor? yeah, baby, you get deleted too. As simple as it gets. The mantra is to identify the negative influences in your life and press the delete button on their face. BEEP. And its done.

But hell, if only letting go of all these so-called negative influences was so easy. Sometimes, in the bargain, you even end up losing your loved ones. After all, who knows, they might press the delete button on YOUR face. tit for tat.
I recently lost one of my closest friend ever in the similar fashion. In a way, she dumped me on my face (now dont get your grey cells thinking too much. i am very much straight. thank you). But then, its not only your lover who can dump you, right?
I've seen people getting dumped by their friends, their luck, their familes et al.
And for sure, losing her (lets call her miss S. ) stung. It stung so much. Partly because i am a real miser when it comes to making new friends. And losing the loved ones i already had was like bad. really bad. Even though i knew that it was me who was entirely at fault.
i used to keep crying hoping she will come back. (although in my heart, i already knew she wont)
But now, i've got used to it. And i have realised just one thing.
Its not a matter of hope, its just a matter of time.

Life goes on..........

so, what do women actually want?

2008-08-11T17:06:00.000+05:30

There could hardly be a young person who probably hasn’t heard of the phrase, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, MEN ARE FROM MARS. Apart from the anatomy part, there are several things which set us apart from the opposite sex. Its not that I am in a mood to set out on a mission to help the distressed and needy. But yes, I am definitely going to lend out a sane piece of advice to some of the most distressed species on the world- MEN about some of the most incomprehensible section of society – WOMEN. So, what do women actually want? Some men might say loads of money and (chocolates), luxurious lifestyle and a guy who can pamper them every night and day. But I want you to read this story first and then draw conclusions about the fairer sex.

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and ironed.. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!" Totally shocked with the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door” Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes and shoes off, you said LADY, LEAVE ME ALONE. I AM MARRIED!"

So, all you guys who think that their girls need loads of money, a six packed sex bomb and loads of romantic dinners and be showered with praises all the time. Surprise, surprise, you are so very wrong. The fact is she has probably checked you for all these things already and that’s primarily the reason why she is with you. All that you seriously need to give to her is an honest commitment. And everything else falls into place automatically. Like pieces in a puzzle.

If you are the kind of guy who agrees with me, I just have to say, your girl is lucky dude!!
But, if you are the kind of guy who thinks it is like impossible to give, then……..”kaake, aish kar…………par thodi kam”

Oh, Fuck you Bitch

2008-06-15T18:07:00.001+05:30

They say, to err is human. And consequently I fall in the same category too. I will err. And err again. But every time, that I commit an error, a new lesson will be learnt by my sub-conscious mind. Though its not that life hasn’t taught my any lessons till now. After serving a long stint as an official nerd during my high school days, I am finally living up to the reputation of being a snob, a girl who couldn’t care less about her higher education and stuff. Needless to say, campus life teaches you a lot. It did to me as well. I am finally learning the complexities of being a bitch. The intricacies and importance of acting like a bitch. Like those girls who hop around in the choicest of clothes, their vocab updated with multi-lingual slang, can impress and date any damn guy in a jiffy and throw away attitude (so what, if half of the sane crowd ignores them? ). They still manage to draw the attention of a large amount of people who are popular and matter in the youth cult. Sigh! So, it’s decided. From now on, I’ll be bringing up my latest mini and Abercrombie racer-back. Will be acting as a mean “miss know-it-all”. I would poke fun at any and every girl whose dress is oh-so-last season. I’ll also build up a gang comprising of super-cool girls who can dress to impress (it doesn’t matter if they have nothing left in their upper levels, brains, I mean). But then, on second thoughts, what will be the difference left between me and them. I believe that I, like everyone else in the world, is completely unique. And no one can take my place, no matter what. I am happy being me, doesn’t matter if I remain at home every other Saturday night and don’t get frequent invitations for late-night partying. I at least have the sense to adjudge what’s wrong and what’s right? So, be it. I am happy being myself. The bitch business was never made out for me in the first place. So, why bother? Bring up those pajamas, tie up the hair in a bun, and nestle in the coziest spot of the room with a novel. Oh yes, I am happy being this. Could not and would not care two hoots about the snob gentry who love to dismiss the intellectual class as nerdy, un-happening and boring. Frankly, sweethearts, we couldn’t care less And, believe me, it feels like heaven when I address them in four simple words Oh, Fuck You Bitch

The complexities of desire

2008-06-15T18:05:00.000+05:30

It’s funny to note that just at a time when you get what all you had ever desired for, that desire, the need for that "certain something" gradually fades away. I guess its human nature to desire, look up to things they know they can’t have at the moment. Yet the moment you have it, it no longer seems important. The struggle, the earnest wishes and prayers which you had made for it suddenly start seeming transcending and almost fleeting. As if those moments never happened in the first place. Strange but true.

Strip your soul away

2008-06-15T18:02:00.000+05:30

Strip away vanity
Just as you consume me
Broken smile, starless sky
Save it all, Say goodbye."

"You wake to suffer through the day
Trade a dream for the pay
Well here's the fact, I hope it sticks
You're just alive out of habit."

The Excess of Everything

2008-06-15T18:01:00.001+05:30

I had often heard the phrase that the grass is always greener on the other side. And needless to say, its pretty true as well. No matter how much we have, how many facilities we are endowed with, we will always feel that it would have been much better if we were even half as blessed as the person in front of us.
Alright, i know m being a bit philosphical here but like, we, as humans, are we ever satisfied with what we have?
the answer is NO.
here is a simple thought which i came across somewhere, which stirred me completely. The simplicity with which it expressed human nature yet commented on the insatiable human greed was hard-hitting.
heres how it goes

we have bigger houses, but smaller families
more conveniences, but less time
we have more knowledge, but less judgements
more experts but more problems
more medicines but less health
we have been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour
we build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication
we have become long on quantity, but short on quality
these are times of fast foods but less digestion
tall men but short character
steep profits but shallow relationships
IT is a time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room!!!

just a usual day in my life

2008-06-15T17:56:00.000+05:30

umm, so here i am writing out my first blog. Though the idea of creating a blog and pouring my heart out over the good, ol internet was in my mind since a long time now, but then the first thought which always came to my mind was that posting a blog, subject to public view was somewhat similar to your thoughts being announced over a loudspeaker where everyone could hear them, judge them and condemn them.
but then, screw it.
until and unles, i can muster up the courage to voice my thoughts, whats the use of having them in the first place? right?

since the start of my summer vacations, i have been on this unending spree of working endlessly, back to back on target basis while at my summer job. but today is a special day. because i finally managed to get a day off. considering that even my sundays are not free, this is a pretty big deal for me. yeah, dats wat i said, BIG DEAL. but who cares? like? :p

i can proudly say that i utilized my day to the best of my capabilities (oh yes, i am the one who values time a lot, hehe). i slept away to glory for something like the entire day? ahhm, yeah, i slept through the day. i mean, in such heat and sticky temperature, there is nothing much that you can do, right?

i got up by eight pm to the sounds of usual prime time television shows which were being played over the television set at a blaring volume (oh, i hate you mom for this, grrrr)
yeah, my mom is an another interesting part of my life i can talk endlessly about. interestingly, she would be least concerned if i have managed to win a prize in a competition i was preparing for so long or whether i am able to secure admission in a college of my choice. but yes, she is concerned (read extremely concerned) whether i have managed to purchase the special, imported brocolli from the food mart nearby while on my way back home from office. :/ she will call me incessantly, until i answer her call and assure her that her coveted brocolli has been purchased. phew. like does she really need to care that i was driving and shouldnt have answered her call? i think that traffic policeman did notice my car number. damn

well, on second thoughts, she aint dat bad. she is MY mom after all. i can manage her tantrums on most of the days. on other occasions, i simply igonre her while she keeps shouting around the house why cant i be a bit more responsible and help her around the house? yeah, like i care

name: prianca
Status: bored of sleeping, thus blogging
Book i am currently reading: Veronica decides to die by Paulo Cohelo