A date with childhood....

She was sitting on the shore....It was almost 3 in the night....The sea was not calm and serene as it is made out to be in picture perfect movie scenes. In fact, the waves were rising high, only to crash down again against the unresponsive shares. It was a full moon night. The best one she had ever witnessed. It was calm and tranquil there on the shore.
But sitting there at the beach, she could hear certain voices. Voices of her friends and people partying in the shacks behind her. And here she was, sitting with a bottle of beer, thinking, letting her soul free on the sea shore. Somebody told her it was not safe to venture out alone so late in the night. But did she care?
While sitting there, letting her long tresses loose and cool breeze brush past her face, she was calm. But just like the rising and subsequently falling waves, her mind was buzzing with thoughts.

For the first time in her enitre life, she could remember her childhood so vividly. It was strange. Only when you are away from people whom you have known all your life, you realise their actual importance in your life.
She remembered:

• Her grandfather dropping her to bus stop everyday, when she was in kindergarten till second grade. The endless and innocent list of questions she would ask him everyday while going to school.
  
• How her grandpa would try to answer every query of hers, making her a little more intelligent and aware every time.
  
• How badly she had cried when her grandpa expired this year
• How she had first fallen in love
• How hard she used to work hard for boards, inter school competitions and the fire in her to prove herself everywhere.
• She wondered what had caused that fire to diminish in her. She feared it would extinguish someday.
  
• But was relieved to realise instantly that her "self" is too strong to allow that to happen.
  
• She remembered how cheerful and happy she would get upon getting wet in rain, being allowed to play till 8pm, eating kismi bars and melody toffees.
• How she had felt fearfully female upon being eve teased for the first time while growing up and how she had learnt to behave "properly" in public places in order to protect her diginity.
  
• How happy she was upon receiving her first barbie doll, her first wrist watch, her first mobile phone, her first scholarship, her first merit certificate ....all gifts from her father or her hard work. Either way, she realised all of these still hold a special place in her heart.
• She wondered how and why did she allowed her innocence to slip away?

Suddenly, her friend came along with another pint of beer, inviting her for a round of dance at the party. "I'm coming", is all she screamed back.
And then, started heading towards the maddening trance music being played, headed to lose herself again in the crowd...leaving behind the footprints of her self and soul into the sand....only to be washed down by another round of unrepressible waves.

Sibling Rivalry

Ever wondered why does god give one siblings? I mean, elder or younger, brothers or sisters, Why does god give one siblings???

Personally speaking, I guess I have been a bit too (un)lucky in this aspect. We are a bunch of four siblings and I can only pity my parents sometimes at the harrowing time we give them. I know that one can choose their friends but not family....but man, four siblings???
Life's just not fair.

Or so I feel.....

I'm more of a reserved and introvert person and love my private space. The sad part is that my sibs make sure that I do not get any. They really tend to get on my nerves at times. Making me go mad, frustrated, angry and plain agitated. I love bunking college on weekdays and staying at home. Coz that's the only time when they are not here. They are busy attending school, college or office or watever (I couldn't care less)

My family is an interesting bunch too. We all have been spoiled badly (yes, i admit) by our father. Poor mother just keeps running after all of us for food or other things. Now, coming back to my devil of siblings. This is what makes me despise them...

• My elder sister - University topper, MBA, intelligent. The sad part is she stinks. All the time. I wonder if she even bathes properly. Loves to bully me. Will probably die the day she stops getting juicy updates about me (which she uses to her advantage). What makes matters worse is that she's got this oh-some dressing sense. Will go to a mall, spend thousand of bucks, come back with disappointing stuff and still have the balls to show it off around the house. However, when the time comes to go out, she suddenly finds her new clothes aren't THAT good. And then, she attacks my (poor man's but filled with nice stuff) wardrobe.That too, without even telling me. All that i'm left doing is wonder where did my clothes go?? Sharing is a word which does not exist in her dictionary. She simply picks up my stuff and gets mad even if I go near her almirah. I wish god would grant her a better dressing or shopping sense, coz I never get to wear clothes she purchases. :( On second thoughts, her clothes aren't worth wearing either. Personal experience, touche.

• My younger brother 1 - He is only a year and half younger to me, but looks much older. We have a lot in common; our preference for personal space, love for chocolates (he steals mine all the time), good music, love for fitness and our indifference towards each other. Yup, that's true. I somehow like him because he lets me breathe. Not like other brothers who keep a tab on each and everything their sisters do, check their phone records and all that jazz. He just hasn't got the time for it. He is too busy and happy in himself. ;) Yet, the moment he gangs up against me with my sister mentioned above, all hell breaks loose. However, he's got a pretty good sense of humour. So, i can stand him for like most of the times.

Picture this, he comes into the room. Finds me sleeping with a quilt on a chilly, winter morning. Turns on the AC and fan in the room and then, shouts - "Mummy, prianca AC main so rahi hai itni thand main" .....WOW!!!

• My younger brother 2 - Now, comes the main hero. The youngest and obviously most pampered one in the house. Spoiled to the point of no return (so my mom thinks). Is only in class tenth, but thinks he's got the experience and intelligence of James Bond in each and every thing. Does what little boys of his age do - show off, TRY to impress girls (fails every time), bully me and get bullied by the other brother mentioned above, fight with me all the time for my laptop. Got eyebrow piercings done in class tenth. He never fails to surprise (shock) me by his constant misadventures of being spoilt.
  

Now, you must be thinking that I'm some real devil who comepltely hates her family. Not really. But I aint a saint either. I prefer only talking to my parents in the house and I'm the best pass time for my siblings. They love to gang up against me and poke fun at me, all the time. They call me an outsider coz they beleive that I my school of thought is very different from them. I hate those bitching and ridiculing sessions. So, i always make it a point to treat them with stoic indifference. I wish I could go someplace else...any hostel, college in different state/country, anything but away from them.
Alas, it never helps. Because all I'm left doing is venting out my frustration here at the internet. Gotta go, my sister's arrived.

P.S. - Did I tell you I cleaned my Converse shoes today? With my sister's toothbrush? She doesnt know and I'm soo happy..:p (yeah, call me evil).

But its okay......

It was almost six years back. I was partly nervous and partly agitated ( at my mom). She had arranged math classes for me at some neighbouring coaching centre. It was the time of my tenth class boards.
Coaching centre!!! I mean, WTF. anything was acceptable to me at that time but not trying to study maths with a group of other lousy students together.
She charged into the room and said "You are supposed to join this XYZ coaching centre from tomorrow. I've talked to the sir there. Now go and study"

I still remember my first day at that tution centre when I saw him for the first time. As usual, I was late. Even on the first day. (so typically me). He turned back to look at me (as did the rest of the class). Man, entering late into a class calls for so much of unsolicited attention. Nevermind, all I saw was him. sizing me up and then, his eyes darted back to his books. And I was Struck!!!

Big Time.
Yes, that was my first crush. I hated to admit it. I hated the way my stomach would churn upon seeing him. I hated to acknolwedge the fact that he was the most smartest guys around, and i was the typical bespectacled, perenially irritated, fat and not exactly attractive, girl around. I used to ignore him deliberately. I never wanted to let him know. Never wanted to stroke his male ego.

Everybody told me its just a phase. Its just my first crush. There are many more to come, I will grow out of this phase and blah blah blah
I still haven't been able to come out of that phase. I still havent been able to find myself a second crush. Nobody matches up to him.
My first crush is my boyfriend today. (obviously first one I've ever had, and I know I wouldnt have settled for any other guy apart from him).

He asks me not to take him too seriously. Not to give so much importance to him and enjoy life. Maybe I do not hold a lot of importance in his life. But its okay.
It took almost six years before I could have what I yearned for. But its okay. Because I know I have one of the best gifts I could ever receive. The gift is he, himself.

I dont know whether I will ever grow out of this phase or not. I've grown up to understand him, his ways, his moods. And still I'm always as dazed upon seeing him as I was six years back.


I hate to admit this but he ( or his constant absence) helped me to realise certain things about myself in all these years. They are:

• I am a bit toooooooooooo sentimental.
• Destiny had its own cruel plan of making me ( a staunch feminist) fall for someone so badly that I even forget my own existence in front of him. Let alone feminism. But for all other guys, i'm still the same. Feminist and strongly fierce. So, beware!!!!
• No matter how hard I try, I cannot flirt with other guys.
• I think a lot.
• If my life was a novel, he would be one of the lead characters in my life. The worst part is I already know, I wouldnt figure out anywhere in his priority list in life.

But its okay.......