'Tis a season of confessions

I'm gonna write this post in a single stream of consciousness, i.e. I will not go back to edit any of the stuff that I write here now. So, please don't complain if the post ends up sounding incoherent or weird...You Were Warned!


I started this blog way back in 2008. Read through some of my older posts and I went like, "jeez, I can't believe I wrote that, how could I even think that?".

I have grown up since then. My school of thought has undergone severe metamorphosis while I finished college, did odd jobs, graduated, tried some more jobs, lost friends I thought I never would,  found new friends, been surrounded with people, been alone, experimented with things I shouldn't have, did stuff which I should have.....

Nevertheless, I wouldn't change a thing about those posts or the way I used to think about then.I wouldn't change a thing about my past, because it helped me reach the stage in life where I am today ( and may I dare say, its not a bad phase at all).

I have chronicled a lot of important events in this blog, purged and shared experiences here. However, there are still a few which I never admitted to. Not even to myself.

One of it is about how I feel for others,  especially guys. (Yeah, we are talking about my non-existent love life here).
When I was 16, I had a crush on this guy, who was, to put it simply, way out of my league. It felt great initially and then it spiraled into endless bouts of disappointment and depression. The knowledge that that guy would never feel the same about me as I did about him wasn't very great. My grades suffered, so did my self-confidence.
And I ended up shifting my entire focus to my career to get out of that miserable feeling. In the next few years, I managed to do a decent job on the education/professional front and hardened myself to the fancy-shmancy world of dating, coz seriously, I didn't want my confidence to take another beating.

When this year started, I made a simple resolution - to stay true to myself in whatever I do.

I've been in denial for quite some time now. But I shall chronicle it here (again) and accept the fact that I did get a new crush after so many years. The only difference is that I'm not in school anymore, and having crushes at workplace isn't the best thing that can happen to you. To start with, your productivity just goes for a toss and you keep feeling miserable all day long. I realized I haven't changed/improved much in this aspect. I get positively tongue-tied every time I see him, let alone saying a feeble "hi" to him. So, I end up acting like either a total jerk or probably give off the impression of being "some bitch with an attitude problem" to him.
Sigh!

I still keep this guy-who-shall-not-be-named on a very high pedestal, thinking he is never going to take even a second look at me. (okay, who am I really kidding here, this guy wouldn't even care that I exist on the face of this earth)

But this time, I shall give this guy the  basic respect he deserves to get, and not try to deride him just for the sake of convincing myself that he is not worth my time or shit like that). If anything, he made me realize that I'm still normal, not emotionally-hardened and can still actually have crushes. (I had a strong self-doubt on the last one ;)

Just that I'm wise enough not to make a fool of myself again by hoping against the hopes that he would ever notice me. Which is okay, really. I'm sure I'm lucky in some other department of life, say career or family or friends. ;)
I'm more glad I at least accepted it.


And you still don't have the right look, and you don't have the right friends,
Nothing changes but the faces, the names and the trends,
High school never ends ~ Carl Reiner

Take Light

 "You said a lot of stuff last night".

"Really? Shit, I can't believe I ended up being so stupid. I was drunk. I didn't mean to say it all. I don't know how I ended up doing that. Was I really rude or harsh?"

"Well, you were okay. You said what you felt and yes, you were a bit rude. But how does that make a difference? The truth is out, alcohol does that to you."

Well, yeah. Alcohol does that to you. It makes you say things you wouldn't say otherwise. It makes you do things you wouldn't do otherwise. It makes you behave like the person you wouldn't normally behave like.

We all are two-faced. No, wait, three-faced maybe. One face is for the world. The other is for people whom we think, know us. And the third face is who looks back at us, when we try to view ourselves in the mirror. Most of us try to hide it.

Why? Did you ask?

Coz we all have our secrets. Little, big, irrelevant, deal-breakers, humbling, humiliating secrets. We all have them. Most of the times, its our opinion on something or feelings about someone that don't seem completely justified, and hence, end up being our "secrets". It would feel terrible to know that somebody else, who isn't familiar with our "third" face knows our secret. No?

Well, I'm gonna let in a little secret here - It is okay to share secrets. It is perfectly okay to share those tiny, insignificant ones which you know aren't going to get your world crashing down. It is okay to purge once in a while.
It is also okay to let out a big secret, however humiliating or hurtful, it might be, when the need arises. When the other person deserves to know. It is okay to unload our weight, shed off some excess baggage once in a while.

Though, most of the times, share it with people who know you. Who have seen your "second face" and whom you can count on to understand you. Your life will be incredibly light and more relieved.
Share secrets. Live light. ;)


Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it a secret, then tell him the truth ~ Old Proverb

A History of Violence

I've never faced a riot in my life. Considering the fact, that I happen to live in a country which is considered the fourth most unsafe country to live in (yup, that's true as per a recent survey), I count myself lucky.

Living in a developing nation which is prone to terror attacks, rapes, daylight murders and mugging, I often used to think that may be things are better when it comes to other much developed nations of the world. Turns out, it is not.

London has been burning for the fifth day in row now. In fact, the entire Great Britain has been burning. I fail to understand what is so great about Great Britain? It's a nation which predominantly seemed to have the most powerful currency after dollar. The fate of most European trading union could be vastly affected by this single nation till the time its president decided to scoot off to Italy to make the most out of his summer vacation while the entire world waited. Waited for their government to come back in form and announce if they were taking any steps to salvage their reputation.

Agreed that it was a melting pot for various cultures and the "minorities" residing here exceeded the white Britons by leaps and bounds. Agreed that their police forces were considered the most tolerant and their royal family was as regal as regal could be.

Turns out, the various ethnic minorities living here were nursing a grudge, a deep-seated grudge of being treated unfairly by their government, their police forces were not as aggressive in the need of the hour and the decadent royal family.....the lesser said about them, the better.

Hooligans have been torching cars, killing people, looting showrooms and mugging people. Most of these "hooligans" are no older than 20-somethings, wearing hooded clothes to hide their identity and belong to one or the other minority group. What started as a peaceful protest against the illegitimate killing of a civilian has now taken the form of a national epidemic.
At first, the world thought that maybe they are reacting to the unequal treatment meted out to the minority groups. Then it was believed that the masses were revolting against the oppressive government rule and major cuts in public funding that the British government announced to mitigate its debt. It was only after millions of dollars (pounds?) of resources were destroyed in these riots, that the British govt. finally acknowledged it as insurgency.

Just because they had social media at their disposal, opportunity to plunder and feed their insatiable desire for consumerism, these people took advantage of the weak policing and wreaked havoc citing reasons as lame as rebellion against spending cuts.

I just have one question in my mind. What are these people rebelling against? That their nation is faced with the similar recession problem that the rest of the world is battling with?What were they thinking when torching showrooms and mugging people? What sort of rebellion is this?

Maybe, this sums its up - Note that from all reports we know, these rioters come from very different races–including native English people–varying age-groups, different jobs, and includes men as well as women. Among those found looting shops were people in their 30s as well as kids as young as 11. Many of them were seen laughing and having a grand ol’ time as they ransacked liquor shops and stashed up on cigarettes and whiskey and beer bottles.
 These rioters are rudderless, mindless, collectivist drones.
And therein lies the clue to their behavior. Ask yourself, how does one become a rudderless, mindless, collectivist drone? One answer is when you are never confronted with the necessity to use your own independent mind.
The United Kingdom of Great Britain–one of the largest welfare states in the world–has been nurturing and breeding a mind-numbed cadre of youngsters who are living on dole-outs, whose life, survival, and sustenance are someone else’s responsibility.
These are people who are not demanded to think and confront the fragility of their own survival. These are Britons who are not demanded to be productive. These are citizens who are shielded from the bitter sting of starvation; from the panic of creeping death and the urgency of survival, much hundreds of other less fortunate nations in the world.
What we see now is the logical consequence of a mighty, paternalistic welfare state breeding a class of moochers who simply find no urgency in using their own mind to think–to reason–and therefore, believes that they simply cannot find their own way out of marginalization.
Indeed, this underclass of citizens has been so dis-empowered–not by any remnants of a capitalist structure in English society–but by the very bloated welfare government that was allegedly meant to “empower” them that they no longer believe it possible to them to get out of their miserable conditions.


It's a sad situation and maybe, just maybe, once Britain is done dealing with this terrible episode, world media will hail it again for its fierce and quick response or hail the indomitable spirit of Britons who have been bravely facing riots in its hisotry. (Mumbai terror attacks, anyone).


Instead of a quote, I'm gonna leave you with a link shared by my friend, Rachit which reveals the true picture of this macabre event.