Suits Me? Suits Me Not?

There is no such thing as a one-size-suits-all in certain aspects of our lives, I guess. In the last few months, I've figured out certain aspects where I would prefer a custom tailoring please.

I write. Or rather, let's just say I used to write. Of late, I don't write. Don't write what I would have preferred to write, scribble my thoughts on a paper, type them out and share them. No, no, I just don't do that anymore.
Am I happy? Hell, no!
Let's just put it like this. I'm 22 years old. Have always been writing. Started out my career early, as a writer and pretty well flourished in it. And then, Bam! One wrong decision and I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Or rather, I do know but I just dont have enough guts to go out and do it.

Now, this is more or less of what I write(endless number of times in a day, mind you)

Hello,
This is in reference to the job opening on XYZ job portal by you. I'm interested in applying for the position of Copywriter/Principal Correspondent/Editor/Sr. Content Developer and Corp Comm Manager post. Please find my resume attached. Available for discussion. Feel free to contact me at ***********.
Kind Regards
Prianca Arora

Well, yeah, that is more or less what I get to write nowadays. No, I'm not jobless. In fact, people tell me that I'd got myself quite a killer job (high pay, perks, stylish office, yada,yada,)
In fact, I work quite a lot. Enough to keep me busy and away from blogging. And that sucks!
There came a point when I was angry. Really angry. I was angry at all the people who forced me to go ahead and grab this opportunity with both hands. Could they not see what I was in for. I was angry at myself for being so naive.

Then, came a point of relentless damage control. Frantically applying everywhere to get out of my current situation. Seems life doesnt always work in our way. It was only after I got myself into a completely wrong job (for me) that I realised the importance of a right job and things which matter more than monetary incentives. But this time, jobs were hard to come by. A few did and they paid very handsomely too. The only glitch was that they wanted me to do boring, mechanical and completely technical work. Coming from an Arts background, I can't even begin to explain the  horrorful feeling when I realized that I'm surrounded by core-technical people, who might not have even a single creative bone in their body!
Okay, maybe I'm being a bit too harsh here but come on, like can't they see why I am looking for a change in the first place?

And now, it's all too funny to me now. I'm bored of being stressed, tired of applying. Plus, the negative factors at work just dont bother me anymore. It's like bing elevated to a higher state of calmness, from where you see things in a different light, from a new perspective that you'd never considered before.
I remember the old times. I had this huge list of things I wanted to buy when I would earn big bucks. Now, that I do have that kind of money, the desire to spend it is gone. Now, what do I do when I get my monthly paycheque? Nothing. I let it rot.

I have the option of moving out, leaving this job (and the big bucks) and simply go with the flow. Like take a break from work. Be vella. That would be a task for me now. Especially, with everyone around discouraging me. All they see is that paycheques would stop flowing in.
I feel that calmness and clarity might seep in my life once I get out. Honestly, I'm so used to working now that not working would demand some preserverance from me. On hindsight, I'm thankful I had this experience so early in my life. It's not until we find ourselves in completely unsuitable situations that we realize what suits us most, realize the importance of things  and people who matter but whom we took for granted earlier.

It's never too late to be what you might have been! ~ George Eliott