It's back in my life .....

I know I have blogged about it here before. But seriously, loneliness is a dangerous situation to be in. An extended siesta with this feeling can leave you feeling robbed of all the positiveness and happiness inside and around you.  I admit, I'm a chronic victim to loneliness. I've been lonely. A lot. I still am.


Let's just say I live in one of the most populated cities in the world. I am surrounded by a lot of people at work and at parties which I have to attend. And yet, I'm lonely. So lonely that I tend to break down while working, while walking on the road. It's this awful feeling where you realize everybody around you is there only because they want something from you. What about friends, you say?
Friends eventually found other friends, I say. People whom my friends found out to be more fun-loving and more available than I ever could be. Yes, I feel bad that my friends forgot me when I didn't ever gave them a chance to ignore me. But it's alright. They don't care much. I used to keep everything on hold for them, postpone my meetings and work just to spend enough time with them. And they didn't care enough. 


Life is funny. When I was younger, say in college, I always wanted to be at all the happening places with all my friends. They did used to go out but never invited me along. Now, I'm there at all the page 3 parties and major gigs in town, attending the most premier events. Just that I have nobody to hang out with there. It's only I and my work. I go for shopping alone, eat at restaurants alone and have even watched movie shows all alone now. Simply because nobody was interested in accompanying me. 

I try not to feel sorry about myself but then if anybody else would be in my position, I obviously would feel bad for them. Then whom am I fooling? 

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy ~ Dante