I'm going to sleep with him again tonight.....


I don't know how to put it.....But i think being lonely is not fun anymore. I used to tell myself that I am my best friend, I should love myself, bla bla bla. The sad part is that I've been really lonely in the past few days. So much so, that it has begun to scare me.
Every evening when I walk back home, when I'm travelling alone, when I'm working, in class ...everywhere...I can sense it creeping up behind me. It does not say anything. It just sits besides me, smirking at me. It seems to say..."Hey babes, I'm back! did you miss me all this time?"

I hardly talk to anyone in class or at my workplace and that is not helping at all. In fact, I know it makes me feel all the more lonelier. It's as if this wretched feeling of loneliness hugged me once and then, forgot to move away.

Just yesterday, I was talking to a really sweet, fellow mate of mine (which is rare..both mine talking and my classmates being sweet to me) and we discussed what after studies? Further studies or job? It was out of chance that I told her that I'm working with a youth mag, writing content for online portals, managing content writers, attending college and attending various meetings which my work demands....I don't know why she was dumbstruck. She gaped at me and said "Look at you, you are only 21, you need to slow down" ........

Truth be told, I actually feel burdened all the time. Even in my sleep. But then this is the lifestyle I chose for myself. I like writing. So I take up any writing job which does not ask me to interact with people. Writing is a solitary profession after all. I've realized I have a very, very low tolerance for stupidity and girly behavior (no offence). No, to put it in better words, I avoid talking to people, who I know do not matter.

I know this is not the best thing to do. But the fact is I already have too much work and indulging in unnecessary bitching sessions, gossiping or talking about lame things just doesn't excite me anymore. Although I do take time out to have fun, very regularly.

I've been working overtime, compromising on my sleep and my reading hours just so that I can squeeze in some time to meet people I really wanted to meet in a long time..like my best friend, S, my college and school friends...
The sad part is ( its been a trend, mind you)...I work overtime to get free early...i take out time..get all dressed and excited about not having to work for a day..and then my friends don't show up! And its not as if they are too busy..they just cancel the plan at the last moment or they keep sleeping (Really, I'm not lying) while I keep waiting for them.

Having worked, being stressed of managing time, dressing up, getting excited...only to be left dejected again is not the best feeling in the world. It sucks actually. But I've stopped complaining to these people now. Because they're all that I've got. Today too, something similar happened and I'm not feeling too good about it. I tried to smile about it, I ended up crying in the loo.

It's night time again. I'm going back to my bed..will do the remaining work tomorrow because my weekend plans have been foiled too...So I've nothing to do but work this weekend.
I can see loneliness coming up again. It's climbing on my bed,...with shoes on. Its grinning at me. It goes and comfortably gets settled under my quilt. I know he is going to make me sleep with him again tonight. I just know.

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you ~ Richard Wilbur

14 comments:

peter | January 30, 2010 at 9:58 AM

I m one guy who cancels the plan a lot f times, but my friends leave me and carry on with what they have to :P

dun worry this is just a phase and it will be over soon and if your profession is what you enjoy then enjoy it to the fullest, else take a BREAK !
and if you want I can manufacture 'a kit for kat' specially for u :P

Abhinav | January 30, 2010 at 10:54 AM

Sometimes I feel awkward to comment on your posts. Like content writing, it helps when there is some content already present so from there you can get slight idea what others think of the post.

But anyways, considering myself original, we all need someone a friend, a book, the Internet and our family to be with us... Loneliness is okay for a small duration but it starts killing us from within if prolonged..

bottom line.. if you don't find anyone, ping me when you're online..

mehfil jamate hain kisi din! :P

I'll try 2 be truthful | January 30, 2010 at 12:03 PM

I kind of feel the same too.... well written. but sad :(

pb | January 30, 2010 at 9:46 PM

u nid 2 drink it ova n get some slip ...
but seriously...listen to akon
cheer up gal...

The Crystal Heart | January 30, 2010 at 9:49 PM

Respected Genius Angel Are you bored with life?
Then throw yourself into some work
you believe in with all your heart,
live for it, die for it,
and you will find happiness that
you had thought could never be yours.

Angel Dream is Not that what U See in Sleep,,
Dream is the thing which does not allow you to sleep.

Madam there are very few people who have golden heart with golden looks.. you
are one of them...
in ur face always wear a good smile and it is difficult to tell which
kadbury is more Beautiful Kadbury from inside or kadbury from outside...

If An Egg Breaks Due 2 OUTSIDE Force!
“Inside Life ENDs!”
But…
If it Breaks from inside! “Life Begins!”
“GREAT Things Always Begin from Inside!
So try to make your inside Strong, Good And With Positive Energy.

One Thing You Should alwayz be followed in Your life -

"THE RACE IS NOT OVER B’COZ I HAVE NOT WON"

Now You Behaving Like Real lil Princess..Angel When You Cried Then Some Miracle have Happened..Some Thing Like like like .... Your Diamond , Pearls TEARS Fallen on the ground And Some Flowers Grown On The Floor..Or Rain Started Falling..Or Sun Cannot Rise In The Morning Or Time Stopped For A Movement ..If Not..Then Why you Cried Angel...Juss Stay Khush...Always Smiling...Its Really Hurted Me Seriously..

It is better to cry than to be angry,
because anger hurts others while
tears flow silently thru the soul and
cleanses the heart

P.S :- When GOD drops needles and pins along ur path in LIFE, dont stay away, instead pick them up and collect them, they were designed to be STRONG!

The greatest mistake you can make in this life is
To be continually fearing that you will make one....

A Benevolent Sultan for Life | January 30, 2010 at 11:40 PM

http://xkcd.com/372/

BloggerMouth | January 31, 2010 at 8:11 PM

I like the honesty in your blog.

If you on't talk to your coworkers or classmates and still manage to have fun, you're smart enough if not "intelligent". What does that mean anyway? I know nothing about you so I will not say that this loneliness will go away but at least you have friends. Some people aren't so fortunate.

Great blog, great post.

Prianca | February 1, 2010 at 2:00 PM

@ peter
manufacture a Kit-kat, ahemm, now that's sweet.
but i dont think i'll need it, hopefully a break is on my list by next month. ;)

@ abhinav
lol, sure. i'll make it a point to catch you online next time.
thanks for being there!
u blogger buddies are great. thanks :)

Prianca | February 1, 2010 at 2:02 PM

@ i'll try to be truthful
thanku dear. i know its sad, becoz i was feeling terrible when i wrote this..

@pb
okkk, now that's one of the weirdest comments i've got
sorry buddy, but i aint into soft drinks, hope you remember
and i dont really like akon. anyhow, thanks for your concern.

Prianca | February 1, 2010 at 2:04 PM

@ the crystal heart
ok, i dont need to say this, but still your comments seem like an assortment of quotes, well -googled and all...
i know you care and i respect that. thanks


@ bloggermouth
thanks for appreciating. ;)

pb | February 3, 2010 at 3:00 PM

u gotta try "lonely " still ...i recommend ..esp wen u r
n i wsnt tokin bou soft drinkz eidr..;)

sAu | February 4, 2010 at 6:17 PM

wow !!! ...
so true, so close,
Yet depraved by the fate of callous fate...

Life is a game. God like the winner , loves the looser but hates the viewer. So be a player !!!

Keep playing ...
Cheeeeeeerssss

The Crystal Heart | February 5, 2010 at 1:47 AM

Respected Honorable Genius Angel Ji..You Said That All was Comments was Quote of Google...Actually that was my own words.I Also Hated Those People Copy & Paste Google Items.. .I hve also checked in google some motivational & inspirational Quotes..I m Shocked They r almost 100 % Same..That only God Magic...Now i m also thinking like a Famous writers....its was just a coincidence. ..You really a genius gal ..you know Me very well..juss like Jeweller only know the value of Diamond..you r Jeweller & i m uncut pure million dollar diamond lol...Any Doubt ?

Genius Angel may i say u 1 thing...Plz donot say Thanx to me..Its Really Hurts me.....You Should Only Thanx To your Family, God, Teachers, Principal, & Ur Mentors....I Cannot deserve dis So Much Heavy Words....

Genius Angel How Much Time You Will Take For Be Successful, Famous, And Popular....I Cannot Wait Whole Life.. Sooooooo Be Hurry I Am Waiting Desperately for dat day :-)


Angel If You hve some times plz lissen two my favorite songs..trust me you liked it...Donot worry i didnot sing or wrote that songs lol..Both are world best Singers...lol

1. November Rain - Guns & Roses

2. Crazy - Aerosmith

Angel You Always wrote some good writer line & quote in the end..now i m telling u my own words....

"You May Have My Body & My Soul, But You Will Never Touch My Pride"
"If I Live, I Will Kill You, If I Die, You Are Forgiven" Thats A Rule Of Honour. ~ The Crystal Heart

The warrior in me | February 6, 2010 at 9:58 PM

Hi. I just found your blog. It has been an interesting read, surely.

I'm wondering though- because it is so sad, in content- of course you're entitled to feel your emotions, but i guess if i were you, i'd start making plans solo instead of depending on friends (not meaning to say they aren't great)- i'd think you need to take a break, realize all the great stuff you do being you, know that your presence matters to the people whose lives you touch and know that you, in yourself, are unique.

Instead of feeling sad for yourself, wake up to all of what you've been fortunate enough to have been blessed with and contribute towards helping other people achieve the same status in their lives, in no matter how small a way possible.

Hope that hasn't been to blunt to offend you- completely not my intention.