Not Giving Up!

Hello you shiny, happy, people. Been quite some time, eh?
Wish you guys a very, very Happy New Year! :)
Yeah, I know I'm a little late in the day but then, punctuality has never really been my style and no, I'm not proud of it. 
In fact, I've had a pretty hard time trying to tame myself, instill some self-discipline in me and keep doing things which I need to do. Getting out of discipline can be a terrible, terrible thing. So I learnt in the last four months when I allowed the monotony of my routine life take complete control over me.

It's kind of a phase when you get so embroiled in your day, doing the same task everyday that you forget whether you are living your life or is your life living you. It becomes more important to sit online in front of the office computer than to squeeze out an hour for taking a jog in the park or spending time with people who matter to you.

Moments before I started writing this blog, I was going through my last post (which was written ages ago it seems). I was surprised to read it. No, frankly, I sound so mature and sorted-about-life kinda girl in that post. Truth be told, I'm not that sorted in my life.  No one really is.
After reading it and wondering what was I smoking when I wrote it, I realised I was perfectly sane when I wrote it. Those thoughts are mine and I completely believe in them. Just that, I forget to follow it too often. See, that's what monotony does to you. It makes you drift away from what is important, what matters for you to stay happy.

My life has all been about being true to myself every day. It's one thing that I tell myself the moment I get up in the morning. I try to stay true to myself, do and speak what my conscience allows. The rest of the daily tasks automatically keep falling in place without me getting into any trouble. I have lost most of my friends in the last one year and haven't been very lucky in making new friends either. In office, I'm surrounded by people who are far older than me. These people discuss their daily affairs with me while I lend them a patient ear. Some speak about a pending divorce, then others can't stop gushing about their upcoming marriage and honeymoon plans. Some are contemplating over settling abroad then other are worried sick about their children's upcoming board exams.
Some consider having a baby while others think of retirement. Nobody really bitches about a PYT's current flame or the next night-out. It's a different world altogether where they give me a peek-a-boo of what kind of life lies ahead.

It's scary at times. And I've learnt it the hard way that I can no longer afford to be my usual, chirpy self here in office. These people are far beyond the phase of life that I'm currently in, thus, all my issues seem trivial to them. Which is okay. It just helps me to figure out that there are things which are more important than what troubles me right now.

It helps me to differentiate between my professional self  (where I try to focus on the more sincere and reliable part of my personality) and my usual, normal self (where I'm a complete brat for my friends and family). No, I won't stop being a brat. I won't stop saying what I really feel to my friends and family. I simply won't mature beyond my years and pretend to be some wise hoe all the time. It's just too much of unnecessary work. I do act wise when there is a need to be and I guess that's more than enough. Enough of defensiveness here....so I'll rest my case. Till next time. :)


Never underestimate your problems or your ability to deal with them ~ Robert H. Schuller