The thought, rather a memory, occured to me yesterday. I doubt if any one of you remembers the television serial "Just Mohabbat" that used to be aired years ago on Sony. I recalled a scene (all of a sudden) where the protagonist, Jai (grown up version) is crying. His imaginary friend, whose name now escapes my memory walks up to him and asks why is he crying
Jai - I'm crying because I have lost my innocence.
Imaginary friend - What's that? Where did you lose it? Did you drop it somewhere?
And there, his friend begins searching for innocence among the dusty ground, as if it was a misplaced ball, lost while playing gully cricket.
I smiled to myself when I thought of this scene. Weird scenes, which pop up from the deepest layers of memory and tell you what have you been missing all this while. Maybe, it's criminal to be innocent now. I, see my ten year old cousin sister who has got far more attitude than what a bitchy babe in any of the chick flicks could ever have. Yet, my younger sis is innocent and admirable in her own way and I, do not say this simply because she is my sister. I say this because I know that she is yet unaware of the world and how it works. She tends to act smart only about things she can understand. Her smartness often gives way to innocent questions and remarks which leave me feeling amused.
And with this thought comes the knowledge that no matter how hard I try, I cannot be my innocent self again. I want to unlearn the art of ignoring random men who tend to check me out when I travel. I want to unlearn the fact that people judge other people on the basis of which car they drive and what have they accomplished in life. I want to unlearn those fake smiles. I want to kill this spirit of cut throat competition, revenge,professionalism and probably lose a bit of attitude too.
I want to smile a smile which is reflected in my eyes....even if it happens once in a blue moon. I want to paint with water colours, smear glue on my hands and desk and wait so that I can peel it off. I want to dance on the tunes of mowgli and ride my bicycle again all around my colony. I want to believe in fairy tales where pumpkins were coaches, mice would turn into horses and the world was a beautiful place during the day, but scary by night. I want to be a child again!
The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but Time ~ William Butler Yeats