My tears refuse to dry.....And there is nothing that seems to make sense to me now.
I don't know where you are or if you can see what we all are going through here. I miss you. I miss you so much.
The event of that night keep flashing in front of my eyes, till the time I'm choked with an unrelenting sense of sadness.

They tell me to be strong. I'm trying but I know I'm failing miserably. This world does not make sense to my any more. I wish you were here.

There is no one to make us laugh any more after a tiring day at work. There is no one to fight over chocolates with. There is no one who would ever care to drop me home like you did, no one who would ever care how I felt about things. No one who would make fun of my choices, no one who would get me huge bouquets on my birthday. No one whom I can buy that Blackberry for, no one who would force me to listen to Punjabi songs. No one to take care of papa, like you did. No one who would pester me at midnight for dinner, no one who would pull pranks at me, scare me or make us laugh till our stomachs hurt. no one comes to me now asking for tips on colour combinations and clothes, no one who can provide that feeling of being safe and being protected, being looked after. I miss you so much.

This world is cruel. There is no one with us here, no one who came forward to support or even offer an explanation. No one owned it up.  They came and they went away. It's this emptiness that's left. Why did you have to leave us alone? I am mad. Mad as hell at that wretch of a god who snatched you away. They tell me he loved you more than we did. I hope he is taking good care of you up there. I really, really hope you are happy wherever you are.
If not, believe me, I'm going to smack this god when I meet him.

I know my childhood is behind me. Our room, the things you would get us, that tape recorder you were making fun of, your stuff, your car.....its all here. It all reminds me of you. Each of it breaks my heart. Your stuff will remain here just as it was, just as you would have wanted. I am not going to let anyone touch any of it.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what either of us are going to do. But believe me, I'm trying my best. All of us are trying our best. We will do whatever we can to take care of mummy and papa just as you would have. And yes, I am going to get all that stuff you would ask for, do all the things that you wanted. You've went away and taken away a part of us. My words have failed me.

I hope you are happy wherever you are. I hope you get a much, much better life than you had here. And I hope you will come back into our lives one day.

I miss you so much.


I'd withheld not writing any of it here for the longest time now.And after years, I'm using my words just to pour my heart out hoping it will lessen the ache.  I am closing the comments on this one for the very same reason.  

Quoting a Quote

If any of you reading this post has cared to visit this site before, you would know that I love quotes. I heart them and more often than not, sign off most of my posts with a quote that inspired me.

Two of my favorite quotes go along the lines of Speak only if you can improve the silence.
and Some people speak coz they have something to say, others speak coz they just have to say something. (sic)

In my case I haven't written anything here recently simply because there was nothing that seemed worth sharing. A lot has been happening but it wasn't something that I wanted to chronicle.....yet.

Anyhow, I was reading and came across this beautiful quote by Robert Fleming, High Fidelity.

"What came first—the music or the misery? Did I listen to music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to music? Do all those records turn you into a melancholy person? … The unhappiest people I know, romantically speaking, are the ones who like pop music the most; and I don’t know whether pop music has caused this unhappiness, but I do know that they’ve been listening to the sad songs longer than they’ve been living the unhappy lives."

It struck a chord. It's so true.

P.S - I've heard they have a movie based on this novel. Have to, have to check it out. 

Looking Back.....

We live in excess. We have just too many people around us, just too many things to do, just too many issues to tackle and just too many emotions that we feel. Just too many choices to make and too many moments in future wait for us to contemplate on the what-if's.

And amidst all these excesses, we don't really value anything or anyone till it's gone or is temporarily unavailable. Taking something for granted is always easier than acknowledging, right? 

I am 23 now and kill me for saying it, but I already miss all the good moments I had in my past, wondering if they ever will come back. Yeah, optimism has never been my strong point.
I remember living like crazy when the days were numbered, feeling obligated to rejoice all the good moments cause soon there would be none. Spending all that I had, living in the moment,  not being politically correct and being prone too. Prone to being hurt, be happy, be open to any kind of emotions basically.

I don't do that anymore. Don't get hurt too easily, don't get happy too easily.. 

I have absolutely no clue when and where did those people go from my life. Actually, I do. And it seemed like the most sane and logical thing to happen back then. Looking back, it seems letting them go was the most stupid decision I made. And don't tell me that people are replaceable or shit like, every one has a role to play in someone else's life and then they leave when their part is over.

You might find lots of more people (it's not hard to find more people to interact with), but you can never replace the ones who helped you form your most memorable moments.
Best part? Those very same people seem like completely different individuals now. Time, you are one big manipulative bitch and yet, your bitchiness commands absolute respect.


There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationships. ~Iris Murdoch