There is this statutory message in my office elevator. Something on the lines of:
"LIFT IS EQUIPPED WITH AUTOMATIC RESCUE DEVICE. IN CASE OF FAILURE, KINDLY DO NOT PANIC"
For a very weird/unknown reason, I always misread it as:
"LIFE IS EQUIPPED WITH AUTOMATIC RESCUE DEVICE. IN CASE OF FAILURE, KINDLY DO NOT PANIC"
Yes, you can call me weird, but it's happened with me at least ten times on different occasions. And for a strange reason, I always find my version of this statutory warning as a very comforting one. Like being offered hot cocoa on a chilly, winter day. That's the kind of fuzzy feeling I get every time I look at that message.
On certain days, I'm surprised how soon I've convinced myself that my life is never going to be the same. I go to the office, I pretend to laugh, have fun, socialize with other people, work, procrastinate, study, and basically do all the "normal" things.
However, scratch on the surface (which I often do), and voila, I'm a totally changed person. Though, I' afraid I'm not very proud of what I've become now.
There was this bubbling energy in me earlier, and that stupid habit of seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses. That is gone. Some simple pleasures are permanently ruined for me too (won't go around naming them here..would take forever).
However, I'm amazed at the inner strength that helped me cope through my personal tragedy. I shifted my focus to things that I needed to do (both tangible and intangible). Given my unmotivated self, I'm truly amazed at how these simple things have helped me overcome the most difficult situation in my life ever. To sum them up:
- started focusing on the have's rather than have not's.
- started driving
- joined a gym and started treating my body with a li'l more respect
- got my brother's tattoo
- did away with unnecessary people (relatives/cousins/so-called friends) and the drama they bring along
- value my family a LOT more (well, I always did but now, they are Les Supreme)
I set mini-goals for myself now and try to achieve them, one step at a time.
When I'd written my last blog entry, needless to say I was shattered. Not that I'm not anymore. But I've learnt to accept things that can't be undone, and shifted my focus on people around me who matter, things that I want to achieve for me, and provide them with.
I'm still getting over it. I guess healing is a long, slow process. Quite unlike the blow I was dealt out with. But I'm optimistic now. Because I know people who mattered to me are always with me and will be with me. Amen.
"It's not forgetting that heals. It's remembering." ~ Amy Greene, Bloodroot