- Give a polite smile to strangers if I happen to make an eye-contact with them. (There is nothing more reassuring than to bump into a stranger, even for a minute, and realise that they like to see you as you are)
- Not to make assumptions about anyone. (Because I really dont know what their journey has been all about)
- Forgive but not forget. (because If I forget, I'm bound to repeat the mistake again)
- Respect people and their choices in life, no matter how terribly different they might be from yours. (Because one would hate to be in a world where everyone was alike, duh, what about surprises?)
- Try to be a lil more calmer, happier and make peace with what I've got in life. (Do I really need to explain this one? ;))
- Keep my friends, my loved one close and ignore the male and female bitches and the negative energy they bring along with them. (That is my tried and tested mantra for happiness.)
Update on life, love and fate...here goes:
- Life - Still continuing with the very exhausting internship.....social life is finished, friends have graduated, got married, got lost and I'm still here, slogging. But on second thoughts, won't crib about it anymore coz nobody really wants to read how pathetic someone else's life is. Gotta say, that is the only lesson I've learnt about working for page 3. People would always want to read about how exciting and happening other's lives are, not otherwise.
- Love - Hmm, as peter puts it aptly, no love lost, no love found! :((
- Fate - has somehow entered into a secret liaison with all my enemies (wondering if I have any) and is currently being loyal to them. All their imaginary banes are proving effective now.
Not that I have anything against them. I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant. In fact, most of them are really nice. They are far more in touch with their sensitive side, are genuinely friendly or someone with whom you could have the most pleasant conversations ever. But the handpicked few who are snooty, I mentally scream at them, "Beyond you, BITCH". But then, those much-famous "straight" celebs could give them a run for their money in terms being snooty too.
It's the prejudice that other straight men have against them that disturbs me. Not that I'm really fond of the much famous MCP mentality that guys in Delhi have...but every time that someone passes a snide remark on someones sexual orientation, I feel like going ahead and reprimanding them (though I never do it). Why does it bother you if someone chooses to sleep with a guy or a girl or Why on earth are you getting so uncomfortable if the person concerned is comfortable in his own skin? Wasn't Section 377 decriminalised more than a year ago?
It's not that they have committed some serious crime or something. If they finally have the guts to come out of the closet, why can't these narrow minded people come out of their obnoxiousness and hypocritical standards. Seriously, beyond me!
I've met very few dumb gay guys. It takes some intelligence and insight to figure out you're gay and then a tremendous amount of balls to live it and live it proudly. ~Jason Bateman
I know I have blogged about it here before. But seriously, loneliness is a dangerous situation to be in. An extended siesta with this feeling can leave you feeling robbed of all the positiveness and happiness inside and around you. I admit, I'm a chronic victim to loneliness. I've been lonely. A lot. I still am.
Let's just say I live in one of the most populated cities in the world. I am surrounded by a lot of people at work and at parties which I have to attend. And yet, I'm lonely. So lonely that I tend to break down while working, while walking on the road. It's this awful feeling where you realize everybody around you is there only because they want something from you. What about friends, you say?
Friends eventually found other friends, I say. People whom my friends found out to be more fun-loving and more available than I ever could be. Yes, I feel bad that my friends forgot me when I didn't ever gave them a chance to ignore me. But it's alright. They don't care much. I used to keep everything on hold for them, postpone my meetings and work just to spend enough time with them. And they didn't care enough.
Life is funny. When I was younger, say in college, I always wanted to be at all the happening places with all my friends. They did used to go out but never invited me along. Now, I'm there at all the page 3 parties and major gigs in town, attending the most premier events. Just that I have nobody to hang out with there. It's only I and my work. I go for shopping alone, eat at restaurants alone and have even watched movie shows all alone now. Simply because nobody was interested in accompanying me.
The thought, rather a memory, occured to me yesterday. I doubt if any one of you remembers the television serial "Just Mohabbat" that used to be aired years ago on Sony. I recalled a scene (all of a sudden) where the protagonist, Jai (grown up version) is crying. His imaginary friend, whose name now escapes my memory walks up to him and asks why is he crying
Jai - I'm crying because I have lost my innocence.
Imaginary friend - What's that? Where did you lose it? Did you drop it somewhere?
And there, his friend begins searching for innocence among the dusty ground, as if it was a misplaced ball, lost while playing gully cricket.
I smiled to myself when I thought of this scene. Weird scenes, which pop up from the deepest layers of memory and tell you what have you been missing all this while. Maybe, it's criminal to be innocent now. I, see my ten year old cousin sister who has got far more attitude than what a bitchy babe in any of the chick flicks could ever have. Yet, my younger sis is innocent and admirable in her own way and I, do not say this simply because she is my sister. I say this because I know that she is yet unaware of the world and how it works. She tends to act smart only about things she can understand. Her smartness often gives way to innocent questions and remarks which leave me feeling amused.
And with this thought comes the knowledge that no matter how hard I try, I cannot be my innocent self again. I want to unlearn the art of ignoring random men who tend to check me out when I travel. I want to unlearn the fact that people judge other people on the basis of which car they drive and what have they accomplished in life. I want to unlearn those fake smiles. I want to kill this spirit of cut throat competition, revenge,professionalism and probably lose a bit of attitude too.
I want to smile a smile which is reflected in my eyes....even if it happens once in a blue moon. I want to paint with water colours, smear glue on my hands and desk and wait so that I can peel it off. I want to dance on the tunes of mowgli and ride my bicycle again all around my colony. I want to believe in fairy tales where pumpkins were coaches, mice would turn into horses and the world was a beautiful place during the day, but scary by night. I want to be a child again!
The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but Time ~ William Butler Yeats
It's been a long and probably well deserved break for me. I'm back, rather, I'm supposed to be back at work. This is what I keep telling my mind all the time. But taking commands is not something I'm quite used to, neither is my mind.
This year kickstarted with a lot of changes. Everyday a new change unfolds itself, forcing me to throw away my comfort zones, my comfortable, complacent self whom I knew so well into a spiral of anonymity. No, I've not doped. I've had my share of sleep and saying I'm stressed wouldn't be true either. It's just that I'm taking my time to soak it all in. I'm taking my time to get used to the constant changes unfolding in front of me.
Change #1 - Bespectacled to Boho Chic
I finally got my surgery done. I'm still taking my time to get used to the fact that I do not need to wear my red rimmed specs anymore. I don't need to undergo the hassle of wearing lenses every morning. I can see well with my naked eyes. Too bad, my different colored lenses are a waste now. Moreoveer, the doc asked me to stay away from eye makeup for another one month. Result? I look dead without kajal...as a person at work commented today morning. Too bad, she is right.
Change #2 - Classroom to Cubicles
I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm done with my fair share of studying. At least for the time being. I get out of my home everyday. Only to go to an office rather than college. Studies over, slogging is about to commence. I'm somewhere in the middle. Still an intern.
Change #3 - Dreams to Dread
As I type this, I'm sitting in the Times of India ka office. This is a place where I'd always wanted to be. The place is HUGE. The facilities are endless. The work as an intern is almost next to none. This place is way better than my college. Anyhow, the fact that it's an office makes my stomach churn. Logically speaking, this is my fifth work place in the last four years (I was always working, even through college) and though it is by far, the most beautiful, biggest, sexiest office where I've worked till now, I'm not liking it here.
I'm afraid I'm bored of offices already. Alright, I want to work. But I really don't want to spend the majority of my life, sitting in a cubicle, murdering my lil bit of social life too. Guess you can't have your cake and eat it too!
Change #4 - Kadki to K-Ching
Yeah, this is the only change that I 'm really happy about. I'm no longer broke. I will be paid for my internship in the months to come. Besides the freelance projects keep my hands full. All the time. I can finally spend as much as I want to. On whatever I want to. Yes, I feel empowered. Considering the shopholic I am, I ought to. I mean, come on, I just got myself a new phone, bought shitty expensive stuff which I'm still wondering if I'll wear or not and still managed to save quite a few grands. I likes!
Change # 5 - Chaotic to Calm
I'm finally at peace...or shall we say, this is the highest stage that I've reached so far in this game called "Chuck Chaos, Catch Calmness". :p
I screamed at my sis only twice in the last week, threw tantrums in front of bf and dad/mom hardly three times and didn't feel like slapping anyone. Wow. I'm improving.
Change # 6 - Frustrated to Free
Yes, I'm free now. No, not with that fattening pack of chips. I'm free as in I'm no longer burdened with work. In fact, there is hardly any work to do. So much so, that I even manage to finish all my freelance projects in the office itself. Just that I'm not free to go out and roam around. But the work stress is definitely gone.
Yes, you can send in your sweater to be knitted. Seriously, I'm that velli. Might as well do it here. Charges? Only Rs 100 per minute. :P
P.S - I never slap anyone. Never have. Never will. It's just that urge which I have mastered to control.
Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine ~ Robert C. Gallagher
Let me think of it this way. . . you are only as good as your last performance. A small sabbatical is enough to entitle people around you to point fingers at you and deem you not good enough. You cannot be lucky in every frigging department of your life. I believe I got my fair share of luck in the talent and love department.
- I'm very much entitled to my share of personal life. Don't you dare interfere in it unless you are looking forward to be thoroughly insulted. If I trusted you and cared for you enough, I would have kept you in the loop. So, please don't try to figure out the details of my personal life and jump to ridiculous conclusions.
- Yes, I do not believe in god and in the concept of marriages. You heard me right. So, don't ya dare raise your eyebrows at me and decide that I'm not good enough for you. Because, I'm anyhow way out of your league and I am never going to give you even the remotest illusion that I'm interested in you. Try to accept it.
- I've had enough of guys who try to lecture me on how I should behave responsibly or get my moral ethics straight. I know my limits very much, thank you. Now, get the fuck out of my zone.
I don't know how to put it.....But i think being lonely is not fun anymore. I used to tell myself that I am my best friend, I should love myself, bla bla bla. The sad part is that I've been really lonely in the past few days. So much so, that it has begun to scare me.
I dare not to write...not because of lack of things to say, but because I'm afraid I would feel guilty for anything that I publish. All the things I've wanted to write on but somehow thought they weren't important enough....
- I had my very first Lindt Dark Chocolate in Chilli Flavour, spent an entire day with Dad.
- Before having my very first chilli chocolate, I had woken up from my deep sleep from the previous night.
- Before going to sleep for the day, I had my first major accident. Luckily, we managed to escape unhurt.
- Before having my first brush with a major accident, I was roaming with my bestest girlfriends in CP, late till night. I realised photosessions with girl friends are fun, and so is flirting with random, cute guys and chocolate truffle pastries taste best when shared.
- Before spending time with my friends, I was with my best pal, sitting in comfortable silence, savouring chinese food.
- Before having Chinese food, I was wandering aimlessly around Delhi, soaking in the beauty of a cold but snug winter afternoon in my City.
- Before going out to roam in Delhi, I was working on assignments, articles, friend's work and what not.
- And so, my life keeps on going backwards becuase it's more interesting to me that way rather than looking forward to the whole week ahead, major part of what will be wasted in this stupid classroom where I regret to say, but haven't managed to learn anything.
P.S. - Oh, btw, I saw this really beautiful vodka bottle in the supermart yesterday in wine section. The vodka was pink in colour and beared the slogan, "The world's most beautiful vodka". (Yup, such a category does exists). Guess what was the name of this imported spirit? It was PINKY. yayyy. .............(another reason for me to love my fav poison and my kiddish nickname). ;))
Smile, for tomorrow will be worse. ~ Author Anonymous
- I traveled extensively. Realized I love visiting new places. It opened up my mind and heart to new people and places.
- I learned to say "no".
- I finally got over my inferiority complex. S made me realize what I am and why I should start giving respect to myself.
- I realized I stay happier when I'm away from humans - the most complex lot. I'm happy when I shut out people with negative vibes, even if it means being rude.
- I learned the trick to deal with people. I genuinely care for them and listen to them if I like them. No questions asked. And they become my friends. Simple.
- Started investing more in relationships than my wardrobe. It paid off.
- I had my first night out (and many more) with friends, finally learnt to let my hair down for a while, partied like crazy, had my share of embarrassing moments when sloshed, took major risks. I do not regret any of these. I'm glad I finally lived my age and did all of it.
- I just hope that I remain the same/improve in the coming year and keep following the mantra of work hard/party harder. **wink wink**
First of all, I'd like to wish all the lovely people whose blogs I read or who have stumbled on this page, A very Happy new year.