Uncomplicating Life

I've been up and away for quite some time now and had my own reasons to do so apart from the usual, of course - being lazy. The last two months have been crazy - filled with all sorts of emotions possible, boredom, speculation, anxiety, dejection, self-realization, ditching, being ditched, joy and what not!
My last post reads about how I was getting to know the "real" society we live in closely and here I am now, comfortably away from it. Having chosen to become a part of the mere periphery  of this society. For the sake of a comfortable career, I distanced myself from all the drama, dejection and drudgery (if you may call it).
Two months ago, I was a journalist. Today, I am rubbing shoulders with corporate big-wigs, unlearning the art of being sensitive and training my mind to become as snobbishly professional as possible. But then, there are moments of course, special moments where I wonder if all this change was worth it, if I have done the right thing and most importantly, will I ever be able to make friends again. Luckily, I really dont have any reasons to regret and I'm quite loving this challenge to fit in here.

Three weeks into this new corporate world taught me one thing (apart from million other corporate jargon ) - that once you're out of school/college, dont expect to find friends in aloof colleagues, being sensitive doesnt help and people will deceive you in order to get ahead! I guess, I'm still getting used to this hard fact.

I miss the people I befriended during my college days. At work, I wish I could just simply get away from the laptop, chuck those heels and formals and meet up with them in jeans and chappals. And I know I will have to keep bumping into them to keep my sanity alive.

Too much of update about me. On second thoughts, I wonder how many of us forget to live for the sake of earning a living. How many of us cancel our meet-up plans with old friends for the sake of catching up on sleep, finishing pending work etctera. How many of us yearn to find genuine, smiling, trustowrthy friends/mate while leading a workoholics life but are not able to come across many or at times, even one? I've realized there are many such people like me! Pretending to be insensitive coz of the cold vibes they get from others but who cherish their old friends like gold. 

Thus, there are a few changes I've decided to incorporate in my life which I think are more essential than getting a nice job, a fat salary and a successful career. And yes, I speak from experience.
  • Give a polite smile to strangers if I happen to make an eye-contact with them. (There is nothing more reassuring than to bump into a stranger, even for a minute, and realise that they like to see you as you are)
  • Not to make assumptions about anyone. (Because I really dont know what their journey has been all about)
  • Forgive but not forget. (because If I forget, I'm bound to repeat the mistake again)
  • Respect people and their choices in life, no matter how terribly different they might be from yours. (Because one would hate to be in a world where everyone was alike, duh, what about surprises?)
  • Try to be a lil more calmer, happier and make peace with what I've got in life. (Do I really need to explain this one?  ;))
  • Keep my friends, my loved one close and ignore the male and female bitches and the negative energy they bring along with them. (That is my tried and tested mantra for happiness.)
So, what is it that motivates you to be happy or seems like a way to become a better person?
Would love to know.

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be ~ Marcel Pagnol

Gay me some love!

Alright, was just reading another blog here and realized that I haven't updated this page in two whole months. gasp gasp....that has to be the longest time that I stayed away from this page ever since I made it. Anyhow, I'm back and how!
Update on life, love and fate...here goes:
  • Life - Still continuing with the very exhausting internship.....social life is finished, friends have graduated, got married, got lost and I'm still here, slogging. But on second thoughts, won't crib about it anymore coz nobody really wants to read how pathetic someone else's life is. Gotta say, that is the only lesson I've learnt about working for page 3. People would always want to read about  how exciting and happening other's lives are, not otherwise.
  • Love - Hmm, as peter puts it aptly, no love lost, no love found! :((
  • Fate - has somehow entered into a secret liaison with all my enemies (wondering if I have any) and is currently being loyal to them. All their imaginary banes are proving effective now.
Ahem, now that the cribbing part is over. Lets get back to some serious blogging. At times, when I'm not working and my mind is realllly empty (yes, that happens too), I wonder how many gay friends one can possibly have or even how many gay people one know of. Before coming to page 3, I knew of only one gay friend. He was my best friend way back in high school and at that point of time, I even refused to acknowledge the fact that he was a homo. I just took him as my best girlfriend in the garb of a guy. But today, I can name at least 30 gay people I know even in my sleep. They are like everywhere....designers, stylists, businessmen, actors, sportsmen. Initially, my reaction would be like..."whoa, is he gay? I never knew that" and pat would come the reply, "Really? Didn't knew? What, were you sleeping all this while"?

Not that I have anything against them. I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant. In fact, most of them are really nice. They are far more in touch with their sensitive side, are genuinely friendly or someone with whom you could have the most pleasant conversations ever. But the handpicked few who are snooty, I mentally scream at them, "Beyond you, BITCH". But then, those much-famous "straight" celebs could give them a run for their money in terms being snooty too.
It's the prejudice that other straight men have against them that disturbs me. Not that I'm really fond of the much famous MCP mentality that guys in Delhi have...but every time that someone passes a snide remark on someones sexual orientation, I feel like going ahead and reprimanding them (though I never do it). Why does it bother you if someone chooses to sleep with a guy or a girl or Why on earth are you getting so uncomfortable if the person concerned is comfortable in his own skin? Wasn't Section 377 decriminalised more than a year ago?

It's not that they have committed some serious crime or something. If they finally have the guts to come out of the closet, why can't these narrow minded people come out of their obnoxiousness and hypocritical standards. Seriously, beyond me!

I've met very few dumb gay guys. It takes some intelligence and insight to figure out you're gay and then a tremendous amount of balls to live it and live it proudly. ~Jason Bateman

It's back in my life .....

I know I have blogged about it here before. But seriously, loneliness is a dangerous situation to be in. An extended siesta with this feeling can leave you feeling robbed of all the positiveness and happiness inside and around you.  I admit, I'm a chronic victim to loneliness. I've been lonely. A lot. I still am.

Let's just say I live in one of the most populated cities in the world. I am surrounded by a lot of people at work and at parties which I have to attend. And yet, I'm lonely. So lonely that I tend to break down while working, while walking on the road. It's this awful feeling where you realize everybody around you is there only because they want something from you. What about friends, you say?
Friends eventually found other friends, I say. People whom my friends found out to be more fun-loving and more available than I ever could be. Yes, I feel bad that my friends forgot me when I didn't ever gave them a chance to ignore me. But it's alright. They don't care much. I used to keep everything on hold for them, postpone my meetings and work just to spend enough time with them. And they didn't care enough. 

Life is funny. When I was younger, say in college, I always wanted to be at all the happening places with all my friends. They did used to go out but never invited me along. Now, I'm there at all the page 3 parties and major gigs in town, attending the most premier events. Just that I have nobody to hang out with there. It's only I and my work. I go for shopping alone, eat at restaurants alone and have even watched movie shows all alone now. Simply because nobody was interested in accompanying me. 

I try not to feel sorry about myself but then if anybody else would be in my position, I obviously would feel bad for them. Then whom am I fooling? 

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy ~ Dante

And they call me WEIRD!

"How weird are you?"
I fail to understand why most of the people keep bombarding me with this same question. Eccentric, Yes, I could be. Weird? Definitely not! On the hindsight, I find most of the people equally weird around me. So, I tend to mentally forgive them if they fail to understand me. I'm not any better at understanding fellow human beings.

My life is slowly becoming a walking contradiction. A life where I swtich personalities depending upon my geological location. When I'm working as a Page 3 journalist, I get to meet some of the most high-profile celebrities and socialites. I get special entries and reserved seats at big do's where I address social big-wigs not as Sir or Mam but with their first name, chatting up with them as if I was one of them. Of course, all this is but a farce. I've realised how fake smiles are, how pretentious personalities can be. They talk to me only so that I might give them some good press. Once you are out of the event, you are the normal, middle-class girl again who is struggling to make a mark in her career.

I'm at a loss when at home, usually because I'm too tired when I return. I don't give crap and don't take any from my siblings who are way too busy in their lives. Mostly, home is just a pit-stop before I embark for work again.

And then, comes my favourite part. Despite having saved enough to own a sedan now, I'm still travelling by metro. Because this is where I meet most interesting people. People who are far more interesting than those socialities whom I interview. At the risk of being called a pervert (realises her "about me" already mentions that, anyhow who cares), I've started peeping into other's lives, while travelling in the metro.
It all happened by chance. A girl sitting next to me, dressed as a complete wannabe (the kinds you can easily find in a metro) was busy texting on her phone. I tried to overlook but it isn't exactly my fault if the text size on her screen was too big. I happened to read her msgs, which went like:

Girl - Nahi, pehle aap apna naam batao
Sender- Mera naam toh Raj (how fake!) hai.
Girl - Acha, naam chodo, aapko  mera no. kahan se mila? Aapne kabhi dekha hai mujhe?
Sender - Haan, aapke college ke bahar.
My keen observation skills told me that she was going to give her correspondence exams. The book in her lap said "King's Champion, Open"

Wow! The girl was supposedly texting a random guy who happened to get her no. by chance and was simply trying his luck! I was amused. But then consciously stopped peeping because it was so stupid and my inherent social skills seemed to be cringing within.

The very next day, I was sitting next to a lady who could be as old as my mother. Grey hairs and all, she seeemd to be headed towards her office when she got a text and replied.

Sender: No dear, I'm only 35. (I mentally screamed, ONLY???? 35 IS A LOT OF AGE MAN)
The lady passed a hand through her hairs blushed and started replying.
Lady - Ok. I am 35 too but don't look like one. I look younger. ( I again mentally screamed,,  YEAH, RIGHT!)
Sender - I'm waiting to see you in person dear. Let's meet up.

Ok, this one was seriously funny. I've realised its not only socialites who want the spotlight on them. Normal people won't mind some attention too. Nevermind the fact that it is from some random despo who has got nothing more than a free msg scheme in his phone and horniness on his mind.
And they call ME weird. Of all people!!! Didn't I say, life is funny!

It's better to watch things than to do them ~ Homer Simpson

The Age of Innocence

The thought, rather a memory, occured to me yesterday. I doubt if any one of you remembers the television serial "Just Mohabbat" that used to be aired years ago on Sony. I recalled a scene (all of a sudden) where the protagonist, Jai (grown up version) is crying. His imaginary friend, whose name now escapes my memory walks up to him and asks why is he crying

Jai - I'm crying because I have lost my innocence.

Imaginary friend - What's that? Where did you lose it? Did you drop it somewhere?
And there, his friend begins searching for innocence among the dusty ground, as if it was a misplaced ball, lost while playing gully cricket.

I smiled to myself when I thought of this scene. Weird scenes, which pop up from the deepest layers of memory and tell you what have you been missing all this while. Maybe, it's criminal to be innocent now. I, see my ten year old cousin sister who has got far more attitude than what a bitchy babe in any of the chick flicks could ever have. Yet, my younger sis is innocent and admirable in her own way and I, do not say this simply because she is my sister. I say this because I know that she is yet unaware of the world and how it works. She tends to act smart only about things she can understand. Her smartness often gives way to innocent questions and remarks which leave me feeling amused.

And with this thought comes the knowledge that no matter how hard I try, I cannot be my innocent self again. I want to unlearn the art of ignoring random men who tend to check me out when I travel. I want to unlearn the fact that people judge other people on the basis of which car they drive and what have they accomplished in life. I want to unlearn those fake smiles. I want to kill this spirit of cut throat competition, revenge,professionalism and probably lose a bit of attitude too.

 I want to smile a smile which is reflected in my eyes....even if it happens once in a blue moon. I want to paint with water colours, smear glue on my hands and desk and wait so that I can peel it off. I want to dance on the tunes of mowgli and ride my bicycle again all around my colony. I want to believe in fairy tales where pumpkins were coaches, mice would turn into horses and the world was a beautiful place during the day, but scary by night. I want to be a child again!

The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but Time ~ William Butler Yeats

Changes are Good

It's been a long and probably well deserved break for me. I'm back, rather, I'm supposed to be back at work. This is what I keep telling my mind all the time. But taking commands is not something I'm quite used to, neither is my mind.

This year kickstarted with a lot of changes. Everyday a new change unfolds itself, forcing me to throw away my comfort zones, my comfortable, complacent self whom I knew so well into a spiral of anonymity. No, I've not doped. I've had my share of sleep and saying I'm stressed wouldn't be true either. It's just that I'm taking my time to soak it all in. I'm taking my time to get used to the constant changes unfolding in front of me.

Change #1 - Bespectacled to Boho Chic
I finally got my surgery done. I'm still taking my time to get used to the fact that I do not need to wear my  red rimmed specs anymore. I don't need to undergo the hassle of wearing lenses every morning. I can see well with my naked eyes. Too bad, my different colored lenses are a waste now. Moreoveer, the doc asked me to stay away from eye makeup for another one month. Result? I look dead without kajal...as a person at work commented today morning. Too bad, she is right.

Change #2 - Classroom to Cubicles
I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm done with my fair share of studying. At least for the time being. I get out of my home everyday. Only to go to an office rather than college. Studies over, slogging is about to commence. I'm somewhere in the middle. Still an intern.

Change #3 - Dreams to Dread
As I type this, I'm sitting in the Times of India ka office. This is a place where I'd always wanted to be. The place is HUGE. The facilities are endless. The work as an intern is almost next to none. This place is way better than my college. Anyhow, the fact that it's an office makes my stomach churn. Logically speaking, this is my fifth work place in the last four years (I was always working, even through college) and though it is by far, the most beautiful, biggest, sexiest office where I've worked till now, I'm not liking it here.
I'm afraid I'm bored of offices already. Alright, I want to work. But I really don't want to spend the majority of my life, sitting in a cubicle, murdering my lil bit of social life too. Guess you can't have your cake and eat it too!

Change #4 - Kadki to K-Ching
Yeah, this is the only change that I 'm really happy about. I'm no longer broke. I will be paid for my internship in the months to come. Besides the freelance projects keep my hands full. All the time. I can finally spend as much as I want to. On whatever I want to. Yes, I feel empowered. Considering the shopholic I am, I ought to. I mean, come on, I just got myself a new phone, bought shitty expensive stuff which I'm still wondering if I'll wear or not and still managed to save quite a few grands. I likes!

Change # 5 - Chaotic to Calm
I'm finally at peace...or shall we say, this is the highest stage that I've reached so far in this game called "Chuck Chaos, Catch Calmness". :p
I screamed at my sis only twice in the last week, threw tantrums in front of bf and dad/mom hardly three times and didn't feel like slapping anyone. Wow. I'm improving.

Change # 6 - Frustrated to Free
Yes, I'm free now. No, not with that fattening pack of chips. I'm free as in I'm no longer burdened with work. In fact, there is hardly any work to do. So much so, that I even manage to finish all my freelance projects in the office itself. Just that I'm not free to go out and roam around. But the work stress is definitely gone.
Yes, you can send in your sweater to be knitted. Seriously, I'm that velli. Might as well do it here. Charges? Only Rs 100 per minute. :P

P.S - I never slap anyone. Never have. Never will. It's just that urge which I have mastered to control.

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine ~ Robert C. Gallagher

I have my fingers crossed....

There is a lot of stuff about me which even the closest of my pals don't know about. Random stuff, such as I keep imagining how would my sister react when I run away for a world trip from home (which is never going to happen *wink*). Everybody has some random details which are not worth telling to others. I had one such random detail, hmm, online secret, should we say, about me. I loved this particular blog...

I can't recall how I came across this blog for the first time. But I'd been hooked ever since. I never marked it in the following list or blog roll and all that jazz. And still I used to visit it everyday, hoping for a new post. So much so, that the name of her blog became the password for my lappy. There are things which tend to stick with you. Her words were one of them. The reason why I loved this blog so much was precisely because the author of the blog was exactly my age. Blogging for her seemed to be a refuge from the world around her. She was from  Constitución, i suppose. She never posted anything very specific about her life, just random ponderings and thoughts. Her thoughts were exactly like mine. Only that she cared enough to post them. I didn't. It was fun going to someone else's blog and reading your own thoughts. A frequent blogger she is.

Sadly enough, she has not posted in a long time now. And I'm scared. I have this stupid, stupid premonition that she is not well or something. She lived in the town which suffered the maximum damage in the recent earthquake to have hit 53 countries. While working, while studying, I keep wondering what she would be doing right now. Is she all right? If she is, why isn't she posting something? I can't comment or get in touch since she'd always disabled comments on her blog. She might wouldn't even know that I exist on other side of the globe. And she hasn't posted anything since the quake. 

I know I think way too much. I know I should better worry about thousand other things in my life which are not right. I know she might be plain busy or not in a mood to post anything. But it's been quite some time now and it's strange because she used to post everyday. E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y

I'm not selfish or waiting for her post to kill my boredom. I just hope she is alright. 

We have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic ~ Susan Jeffers 

Learning to stick...

When I was young,young enough where my mind was uninfluenced, uninspired to be impressed upon and all that I was armed with was a rather naive understanding of the world.......Yes, that was the time when some of my most important character traits were born.Some of my most prominent character traits include my extreme anger, my belief in honesty and hard work and my aversion to guys.

Funny it is. I was deeply influenced by my dad to be honest in matters of money and merit. I never accepted something which was not duly earned by me. So much so, that I promptly asked my teacher to flunk me when I was in sixth grade...My Math teacher had given me 42/100 (I barely managed to pass...which was good as I'd been flunking in my last two terminals). Much to my dismay, I found out that there was a calculation mistake. My score was only 36/100. I counted and re-counted. It was still 36/100. My heart sank and still I went back to the teacher and asked her to rectify the mistake. She looked at me scornfully (obviously, your math teacher is not going to be very pleased by you, if you tell her that she has committed a calculation error). On second thoughts, she might as well have been thinking whether I was out of my mind! Anyhow, she promptly changed the 42 to 36 with a big red mark, FAIL written on my answer sheet. 

I was happy that day. I had managed to stay true to myself. It's an altogether different fact that the rest of the class was jeering at me, calling me a jerk to have done that! The scolding that I got from my family for failing again didn't make things any better either. 

The next semester I promptly passed, with a score of (hold your breath) 84/100. (thanks to my new math tutor). 
I remember I was crying when I got my answer sheet. I was happy, while the teacher kept glaring at me scornfully. (yes, she hated me for some unfathomable reason. My math teachers have never really liked me anyhow). 

That was years ago. Cut to the present. I'm grown up, still trying to stick to those ideals. People still make fun of me, all the time. And sadly enough, I get to know about it (hurts!). I see people around me , squandering their parent's wealth, flunking, getting fake degrees and they still call me a jerk for I don't drive a posh car ( what posh, I don't even drive a car or a bicycle for that matter), I don't hang out at the famous nightclubs, I'm always slogging, not living my life and  I'm not COOL enough ..whatever.

My most major struggle has been not to give in to sycophancy and believe me, I've been paying quite a heavy price for it for quite some time now. I know my life will be a hell lot easier only If I could tweak my rigid morals a bit here and there...But I am not going to do it. I respect myself. I want to continue respecting myself. 
Maybe I will drive a car one day, the one that is hard earned and I will have enough time to go clubbing and partying without having to worry about my assignments, my submissions, magazines and what not!

Till then, I'll try to be content with my life. I'll try to crib a little less. And make peace with myself because this is the life I chose for myself. 

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything ~ Alexander Hamilton

P. S - The pic included is ironical to the content but it pretty much sums up my mental state. It says what my words couldn't.

Men and their stupid inquisitiveness

Let me think of it this way. . . you are only as good as your last performance. A small sabbatical is enough to entitle people around you to point fingers at you and deem you not good enough. You cannot be lucky in every frigging department of your life. I believe I got my fair share of luck in the talent and love department.
And for all those suckers who can't help but stalk me regarding my personal life, this is for you man-bitches
  • I'm very much entitled to my share of personal life. Don't you dare interfere in it unless you are looking forward to be thoroughly insulted. If I trusted you and cared for you enough, I would have kept you in the loop. So, please don't try to figure out the details of my personal life and jump to ridiculous conclusions.
  • Yes, I do not believe in god and in the concept of marriages. You heard me right. So, don't ya dare raise your eyebrows at me and decide that I'm not good enough for you. Because, I'm anyhow way out of your league and I am never going to give you even the remotest illusion that I'm interested in you. Try to accept it.
  • I've had enough of guys who try to lecture me on how I should behave responsibly or get my moral ethics straight. I know my limits very much, thank you. Now, get the fuck out of my zone.
I know that I sound like an arrogant bitch on PMS for what I stated above but truth be told, I'm not. I'm in the most sensible moods of mine when I post this. It's just that I've been too drowned in work and the last thing I could expect was unnecessary male attention. Let me set the record straight for once and all - I'm not interested in you guys, alright?
The irony of life is such.

Men who are nice, well read and have a good sense of humor have got better things to do than hit on me. (And I secretly appreciate them for this)
Men who have got no brains but are all brawl can't stop bothering me. ( And I do not respect you guys at all)

P.S. On second thoughts, I had the most wonderful surprises bestowed on me this Valentines by S. I'm glad some good things are always there. True love is like a pet who will still lick you and love you on your return, no matter how cranky a day you've had at work. Bliss!

Don't let a man put anything over you except an umbrella ~ Mae West

I'm going to sleep with him again tonight.....

I don't know how to put it.....But i think being lonely is not fun anymore. I used to tell myself that I am my best friend, I should love myself, bla bla bla. The sad part is that I've been really lonely in the past few days. So much so, that it has begun to scare me.
Every evening when I walk back home, when I'm travelling alone, when I'm working, in class ...everywhere...I can sense it creeping up behind me. It does not say anything. It just sits besides me, smirking at me. It seems to say..."Hey babes, I'm back! did you miss me all this time?"

I hardly talk to anyone in class or at my workplace and that is not helping at all. In fact, I know it makes me feel all the more lonelier. It's as if this wretched feeling of loneliness hugged me once and then, forgot to move away.

Just yesterday, I was talking to a really sweet, fellow mate of mine (which is rare..both mine talking and my classmates being sweet to me) and we discussed what after studies? Further studies or job? It was out of chance that I told her that I'm working with a youth mag, writing content for online portals, managing content writers, attending college and attending various meetings which my work demands....I don't know why she was dumbstruck. She gaped at me and said "Look at you, you are only 21, you need to slow down" ........

Truth be told, I actually feel burdened all the time. Even in my sleep. But then this is the lifestyle I chose for myself. I like writing. So I take up any writing job which does not ask me to interact with people. Writing is a solitary profession after all. I've realized I have a very, very low tolerance for stupidity and girly behavior (no offence). No, to put it in better words, I avoid talking to people, who I know do not matter.

I know this is not the best thing to do. But the fact is I already have too much work and indulging in unnecessary bitching sessions, gossiping or talking about lame things just doesn't excite me anymore. Although I do take time out to have fun, very regularly.

I've been working overtime, compromising on my sleep and my reading hours just so that I can squeeze in some time to meet people I really wanted to meet in a long time..like my best friend, S, my college and school friends...
The sad part is ( its been a trend, mind you)...I work overtime to get free early...i take out time..get all dressed and excited about not having to work for a day..and then my friends don't show up! And its not as if they are too busy..they just cancel the plan at the last moment or they keep sleeping (Really, I'm not lying) while I keep waiting for them.

Having worked, being stressed of managing time, dressing up, getting excited...only to be left dejected again is not the best feeling in the world. It sucks actually. But I've stopped complaining to these people now. Because they're all that I've got. Today too, something similar happened and I'm not feeling too good about it. I tried to smile about it, I ended up crying in the loo.

It's night time again. I'm going back to my bed..will do the remaining work tomorrow because my weekend plans have been foiled too...So I've nothing to do but work this weekend.
I can see loneliness coming up again. It's climbing on my bed,...with shoes on. Its grinning at me. It goes and comfortably gets settled under my quilt. I know he is going to make me sleep with him again tonight. I just know.

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you ~ Richard Wilbur

Dilli Toh Paagal Hai!

I dare not to write...not because of lack of things to say, but because I'm afraid I would feel guilty for anything that I publish. All the things I've wanted to write on but somehow thought they weren't important enough....

What is important enough to write?
Is your nagging professor/boss worthy enough to be written about on your personal space? Don't we already have enough of them in our workplaces already?

Is treating this blog as an online journal important?

Or is writing enough to garner more followers and comments important? Everything is bloody subjective. To each, his own.

Writer's block. That word played on me till the time I started playing with it. What is writer's block? Blocking your mind from letting creative thoughts pour in. That's it.

I write to relieve myself of all the emotional and mental blocks. It's therapeutic for me. I'll discuss a very minuscule thought here, something which has been forcing me to alter my "oh, i'm so liberal minded, urban city girl" thinking, of late.

I'm in Delhi. I have lived here all my life. I know this place like the back of my hand. Yes, I've visited other cities too, but none appealed to me like Delhi does. I study in a class where hardly ten students belong to Delhi. The rest of them are outstation students. They came from smaller towns to study here in hope of better opportunities. Fair enough.

What disturbs me though is the attitude of these fellow people...They call us "dilliwaale toh hote hi aise hain". Acha? Please tell us too? how are we really? THey say, "Yeh DU ka attitude yahaan nahi chalega"....What is this DU ka attitude? I'm sorry, But yes, I do come from one of the best univ of India. If you've got a problem with it, go suck komado dragon balls, but don't you dare discriminate against us in our very own city.

Just a thought please, just because you are from some other city, working to get a job, aren't Delhi students doing the same? Not all of them are Tata's and birla's here. They too are working equally hard.

Just in case, any of you is thinking that I'm going to start a Shiv Sena for Delhi as soon as I finish writing this post...NO, I'M SO NOT!!!
One Thackrey is more than enough.
I've always been at my jovial best with most of people around me. Or at least, i've tried to. I used to think that this stupid, stupid regionalism only exists in the mind of narrow minded old men. Surprise, surprise..it obscenely has made its way everywhere.

I recall when this fellow classmate of mine said, in a mocking tone on my face - "I'm glad sir does not like this Delhi kids. They already have too many privileges that they take everything for granted. I so hate Delhi"

I was standing there...shocked..obviously they knew I'm from Delhi and I cant recall any such "privileges" that I have. It's an altogether different fact that this fellow classmate too, had been residing in Delhi since few years now. I asked , "Why don't you go back to your hometown then"?

"Arrey, wahaan itna infrastructure nahi hai.No job opportunities, nothing. People are really narrow minded, Delhi main rehne ke baad hometown nahi reh sakte"

To any of you who is reading this post, I ask you, Are people living in Bangalore, Delhi, Mumbai and Kolkata any different from people from other towns? Just because we were born in a metropolitan city, does not give you the right to insult us and call us bloody dilliwaala. If you really like your hometown so much, then go back. Create enough job opportunities there. Use your talent there. And then smirk at me all that you want. I would gladly accept it. Go make it another IT hub like Bangalore or fast paced like Mumbai. At least, another city would get developed in this country.

But I know nothing like that is going to happen anytime soon. Regionalism will stay in the mind of people. Just because they've had a few bad experience in a new city does not entitle them to brand entire metro city as "BAD".
And, FYI, we, cosmopolitans know the value of hard work. Because life isn't a bed roses for anyone. And yes, we know how to be hospitable.....Balance fun and work and all.....But at the end of the day...we will still be "Yeh dilliwaale toh hote hi aise hain".

P.S - In no sense is this post intended to make fun of people from other towns. The idea behind this post is not to appreciate metro cities, but to highlight regionalism as a problem.

Just because everything is different, doesn't mean that anything has changed ~ Irene Peter

Looking back....

I slept last night with an empty soul.....

And woke up this morning with an even emptier soul. Yes, I offically hate weekdays where I know I'm not going to anything productive. Thoughts delude me. And the place where I am right now is not exactly the place where I want to be/should be. This is my classroom, where I have learnt virtually nothing. Oh yes, I forgot, I have had lessons in pessisism and wasting talent on trivial issues here.
There are things which are far more exciting and satisfying than finishing an assignment on make -sentences in your post graduation. I often wonder, what was that ass of a professor smoking when he gave us an assignment on make sentences and other frivolous topics. No, seriously, somebody tell me this is a bad, bad dream.

I compare my current situation to the weekend which just went by:
  • I had my very first Lindt Dark Chocolate in Chilli Flavour, spent an entire day with Dad.
  • Before having my very first chilli chocolate, I had woken up from my deep sleep from the previous night.

  • Before going to sleep for the day, I had my first major accident. Luckily, we managed to escape unhurt.

  • Before having my first brush with a major accident, I was roaming with my bestest girlfriends in CP, late till night. I realised photosessions with girl friends are fun, and so is flirting with random, cute guys and chocolate truffle pastries taste best when shared.

  • Before spending time with my friends, I was with my best pal, sitting in comfortable silence, savouring chinese food.

  • Before having Chinese food, I was wandering aimlessly around Delhi, soaking in the beauty of a cold but snug winter afternoon in my City.

  • Before going out to roam in Delhi, I was working on assignments, articles, friend's work and what not.

  • And so, my life keeps on going backwards becuase it's more interesting to me that way rather than looking forward to the whole week ahead, major part of what will be wasted in this stupid classroom where I regret to say, but haven't managed to learn anything.

P.S. - Oh, btw, I saw this really beautiful vodka bottle in the supermart yesterday in wine section. The vodka was pink in colour and beared the slogan, "The world's most beautiful vodka". (Yup, such a category does exists). Guess what was the name of this imported spirit? It was PINKY. yayyy. .............(another reason for me to love my fav poison and my kiddish nickname). ;))

Smile, for tomorrow will be worse. ~ Author Anonymous

How many clones do you have of yourself?

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. I can safely say I was not the pessimist this year.

Gotta admit, The year which just went by was one of the most eventful and learning periods of my life. I traveled a lot (and I loved it). I went to Goa, Mumbai, almost to Chennai, Bangalore, Shimla, Chandigarh, Bhopal and obviously roamed around in Delhi like a wanderer left loose.
Considering that I love travelling, this was one of the best periods of life. The best part is that when 2009 arrived, I had no clue that I'm going to travel so much. I didn't had the faintest idea that this year is akin to sitting in a class which imparted me the best learning experience in a subject called "Life".

If only you had known me when I was still out of school, fresh into my graduation. I was so sure about everything, about how anything I did was going to come out perfect and absolutely nothing could go wrong. The truth is that most of the things I did, never really turned out the way I wanted them to be. But the grass is always greener on the other side, right?

This year, I learned a lot. I changed a lot. I look back at the time when I would desperately try to fit among a group of nasty girls in grad college, only to be made fun of. I look back at the time when not reaching home by 6pm in the evening would scare the shit out of me. When having a good time with true friends was never experienced in my life. When even after all the slogging, my grades remained average and S never came into my life.
And then came 2009.

  • I traveled extensively. Realized I love visiting new places. It opened up my mind and heart to new people and places.
  • I learned to say "no".
  • I finally got over my inferiority complex. S made me realize what I am and why I should start giving respect to myself.
  • I realized I stay happier when I'm away from humans - the most complex lot. I'm happy when I shut out people with negative vibes, even if it means being rude.
  • I learned the trick to deal with people. I genuinely care for them and listen to them if I like them. No questions asked. And they become my friends. Simple.
  • Started investing more in relationships than my wardrobe. It paid off.
  • I had my first night out (and many more) with friends, finally learnt to let my hair down for a while, partied like crazy, had my share of embarrassing moments when sloshed, took major risks. I do not regret any of these. I'm glad I finally lived my age and did all of it.
  • I just hope that I remain the same/improve in the coming year and keep following the mantra of work hard/party harder. **wink wink**
It's like I have too many clones of myself now. And every time I look back, I can see all of them smiling at me for finally I'm happy with myself.

A clone of mine which was in high school - overweight, greasy hair, pimples, yearning for S and struggling with accounts and maths.

A clone of mine which was in college - slightly improved, motivated, hard working, happy-go-lucky, still struggling with skin and heart issues

A clone of mine which was in office - drowned in inferiority complex, fed up of bitching, worrying over her weight issues, crying badly for S.

A person that I'm today - Happily lost in herself, confident, carefree and working hard (only when required).

I know there are many more changes to come in my life in every two-three years and many more clones to follow. I'm just hoping they are better versions than the current one. One might wonder why the hell am I remembering my past right now? Everybody goes through these changes, ain't it?

Actually, I'm not remembering. I'm thanking my stars that I went through all those phases. I'm thanking my past versions (geez, I almost sound like a video game with too many versions :p). My clones remind me of what I don't want to be like anymore. This is what they whisper to me:

Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would, I'd never leave. ~A.A. Milne

So much for resolute resolutions and more....

First of all, I'd like to wish all the lovely people whose blogs I read or who have stumbled on this page, A very Happy new year.

Phew, a new year has dawned in and so much has changed. Bhopal Trip was over. Long Ago. Good learning experience. Ok, enough of that place.

I really don't know how many people make resolutions. I don't. I really don't understand why do people have to wait till 1 January to incorporate some good changes in their life. Why can't you get on that treadmill today if you want to? Or why would you wait to switch your job till some specific date (1 jan, that is) if you can do it now?

You know you need to/want to make some changes in your lifestyle. Then, do it. But please don't procrastinate it, saying that you're waiting for new year. After all, how many of us really stick to our resolutions? It's better not to make them at all rather than breaking them later, only to feel discouraged.

New Year's Day...now is the accepted time to make your regular, annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual ~ Mark Twain