Coaching centre!!! I mean, WTF. anything was acceptable to me at that time but not trying to study maths with a group of other lousy students together.
She charged into the room and said "You are supposed to join this XYZ coaching centre from tomorrow. I've talked to the sir there. Now go and study"
I still remember my first day at that tution centre when I saw him for the first time. As usual, I was late. Even on the first day. (so typically me). He turned back to look at me (as did the rest of the class). Man, entering late into a class calls for so much of unsolicited attention. Nevermind, all I saw was him. sizing me up and then, his eyes darted back to his books. And I was Struck!!!
Yes, that was my first crush. I hated to admit it. I hated the way my stomach would churn upon seeing him. I hated to acknolwedge the fact that he was the most smartest guys around, and i was the typical bespectacled, perenially irritated, fat and not exactly attractive, girl around. I used to ignore him deliberately. I never wanted to let him know. Never wanted to stroke his male ego.
Everybody told me its just a phase. Its just my first crush. There are many more to come, I will grow out of this phase and blah blah blah
I still haven't been able to come out of that phase. I still havent been able to find myself a second crush. Nobody matches up to him.
My first crush is my boyfriend today. (obviously first one I've ever had, and I know I wouldnt have settled for any other guy apart from him).
He asks me not to take him too seriously. Not to give so much importance to him and enjoy life. Maybe I do not hold a lot of importance in his life. But its okay.
It took almost six years before I could have what I yearned for. But its okay. Because I know I have one of the best gifts I could ever receive. The gift is he, himself.
I dont know whether I will ever grow out of this phase or not. I've grown up to understand him, his ways, his moods. And still I'm always as dazed upon seeing him as I was six years back.
I hate to admit this but he ( or his constant absence) helped me to realise certain things about myself in all these years. They are:
- I am a bit toooooooooooo sentimental.
- Destiny had its own cruel plan of making me ( a staunch feminist) fall for someone so badly that I even forget my own existence in front of him. Let alone feminism. But for all other guys, i'm still the same. Feminist and strongly fierce. So, beware!!!!
- No matter how hard I try, I cannot flirt with other guys.
- I think a lot.
- If my life was a novel, he would be one of the lead characters in my life. The worst part is I already know, I wouldnt figure out anywhere in his priority list in life.