Shake it like a man!


Throughout history, men have made the world proud with their achievements, be it the wheel or something more recent but equally important, like nose-hair trimmers. However, there are times when the male species ends up looking really stupid. The invasion of Iraq is one such instance, especially when Bush learnt that it wasn't pronounced 'EYE-Raq' after all.

Of course, you needn't visit 'Incredible Iraq!' to witness displays of male stupidity. Just walk into the nearest club or discotheque, and you'll know what I mean. On one hand, there will be a few (or many, depending on your luck) beautiful women, moving their lithe, sensuous bodies to the music. After slipping on a puddle of your own drool, your gaze will fall on the men. With their "Sunny-Deol-meets-Shakira-and-gets-shock therapy" moves, they're quite impossible to miss. And that, my friends, is the greatest folly of the male species.

Let's face it - all men are born with two left feet, with about thirteen toes on each foot. Unless of course, they're dragged on to the dance floor. After all, it's impossible to resist when a bevy of barely-clad beauties beseech you to boogie with them. Or so I've been told. These guys who, 4 pegs down, fancied themselves to be the love spawn of Michael Jackson and Prabhudeva (scary thought, that).

The male dance repertoire boasts of a number of snazzy moves, two of which are 'Crotch Adjustment: Align or Die!' and 'Reconnaissance: Are the Bitches Looking Yet?'. So that leaves us with these scintillating moves:

1. 'Joey's your daddy!':

Flash goofy grin on face, stretch arms out and trace out circles in the air, taking care to keep your butt jutting away from your body like an iceberg out of the ocean. Ok that may sound like a weird analogy, but watch 5 drunken men do this and you'll know what I mean. Not that the Joey dance transforms them into playboys, but as Chandler would say, 'Could it BE any more fun?'.

2. 'O Mummy Where Art Thou':

More popularly known as the 'Walk Like An Egyptian' step, it involves running around pyramids with Rachel Wiesz. No wait, that's just how Brendan Fraser does it. The rest of us run to the bar and back, and when we're tired of running, we put one hand to our foreheads, the other protruding like a tail, and bob our heads like a bad Bharatnatyam dancer. If you didn't get that, never mind - it degenerates into pelvic thrusts anyway. Horny mofos, those Egyptians were.

3. 'Naked Nagin':

Ok the 'naked' in the title is just a cheap tactic to catch your eye (it worked, didn't it?). Of course, when it comes to grabbing eyeballs, the Nagin step is second only to wearing a 'Just Do It' T-shirt at an HIV-prevention seminar. Made famous by the Sridevi blockbuster Nagin, it thankfully does not involve getting anywhere close to a man named Boney.('Boney'? What were his parents thinking? Maybe he was an exceptionally happy child). No, the Nagin step requires you to raise your arms over your head like a hood and jiggle your man-breasts violently, leaving the ladies breathless. Breathless with laughter, that is.

There are some other steps that men manage, like the Bhangra, which involves yelling " Hoe hoe hoe! Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! " at regular intervals. There's also the 'I-have-loose-motions-and-will-not-move-too-much', wherein you sway gently, trying to not upset your delicate digestive balance.

I'd love to elaborate more on the men who bastardize their brethren's reputation with their repugnant attempts at dance, but I must stop here. It's time for my salsa class you see.:)))

P.S - This post is meant strictly in good humour :) So, all My male readers ( of my blog, you pervert) are requested not to take it personally. plisssh. I feel extreme joy in announcing the author's (yup, dats me) complete disregard in case any "man" feels offended at this innocent, all meant in good humour post. hic. Aint I nice?? :)))

17 comments:

Creation | April 11, 2009 at 1:03 PM

ROFL!

Thouroughly humerous!
Yep! You're quite right in pointing out that almost all men (with a few exceptions, of course) are born with two left feet (although, I shouldn't really be saying this considering I was born with two left and some seven right feet myself :-P).

My favourit- the Nagin step! Wonderfully elucidated,
Kudos!

By the way- you've been tagged.
Click here- http://kreation-soul.blogspot.com/2009/04/girl-like-that-musical-tag.html

Creation | April 11, 2009 at 1:04 PM

Thoroughly*

bharti | April 11, 2009 at 1:10 PM

only if u could see me.....
one and only one gesture can justify my feelings on this masterpiece...
""" STANDING OVATION""""!!!!!!!!!
:) :)
way to go girl.......!
really doubt if the celebrated-cum-slain species can actually even manage to go through the entire thing
ONCE!!! ;)
hope this piece of criticism helps them take " one step " at a time!! ;) ;)

peter | April 11, 2009 at 5:06 PM

That was quite a rant.. and wow I am the first male commenting on this ROFLsome post !

Btw, When I dance I look like Chandler, and believe me that's fun ;)

Charnita | April 11, 2009 at 9:23 PM

Fun read:)!

Prianca | April 11, 2009 at 9:35 PM

@ creation
thank you dear
yup, i aint a great dancer either and will not deny the fact that some guys can really pull those dance moves extremely well!!!
bt its d masses we r toking bout here ;)

Prianca | April 11, 2009 at 9:38 PM

@ bharti
aww, thank you thank you.:))
**bows down**

@ peter
yup, i do believe you. and considering d response to this post, i guess you r going to be d only guy who has commented on this post. :)
i appreciate!!
thank you

@ charnita
thank you buddy

rhealitycheck | April 13, 2009 at 2:18 PM

This is friggin hilarious....and really well observed.
Very well put...nice work.

PLP | April 13, 2009 at 11:09 PM

Lol, I like this post!

You take salsa classes? I'm thinking of starting after my exam which is around the same time as yours! Good luck!!!

The motions are to be fought against with the power of will, so fight :P

VagaBond | April 16, 2009 at 1:57 AM

i wonder what u think about my orkut's dp...Naari Mukhti adolan murdabaad!!:P
All my male bloggers rise up n rebel!!

Prianca | April 16, 2009 at 2:52 AM

@ rhea
ahh, a smart comment from a smart gAL. thank you dearie :)

Prianca | April 16, 2009 at 2:59 AM

@ PLP
thank you dear. yup,fight we will!!!

@ Vagabond
heehee haa haa hoo hoo. u know wat anant, i was waiting for ur reaction, nd dont wonder. ur current dp is actually very nice. I, myself am an awful dancer. refer to my other replies above. :)
nd
dis is NOT naari mukhti aandolan. we r already free. thank u. u may choose to call it nar vyangya aandolan, if u please. :)))

nd i repeat, this post is strictly meant for humour purpose. nd dont worry, u seem to dance really well from your pics.

Siya | April 21, 2009 at 11:29 AM

OMG!! ROFL. :D :D
Hehe..You're like super-funny!!
Nice post!! :D :D
Oh and I totally love your template!!! Can I have it...pretty pleeeaaasee???!!
Oh, and great blog!!:D
See ya around! :)

swati | April 21, 2009 at 11:49 PM

applaud applaud!!!!hilarious :)
wat a way to xpress yaar...i completely agree with each word written hear.. :P

PLP | April 23, 2009 at 5:14 PM

Prianca, you really have a gift for humorous expression! I'm back btw!!! My exam is done and over :) So I shall visit you often, blog more na!

Prachi Joshi | April 26, 2009 at 4:49 PM

Goodness... I was so exhausted studying my advertising paper so thought of chilling and hopped on this blog.. Aaha... I am visualizing all the god damned steps... the one in which men sway their hands in circle over their head and jutting out their bums as if some kind of explosion is about to take place.... whoaaa.... lolz!
Loose-motion step... hehehe i must second you when they stiffen their body and sway it ... it seems as if one jerk and they will be dashed off.. I can recall all jam sessions during my grads days.. why go pubs and discotheques... check out College fest too... all antique pieces are romping the ground in various styles..
Pappu can't dance saala!
slapstick... bawdy... in a way too subtle.. I liked it

Prianca | May 3, 2009 at 12:38 AM

@ siya
thank you for stopping around. this tempelat" to me by a dear frnd. i dont hv d code, still i'll try getting it back from her, provided she still has it. :))

@ swati
thanks pal

@ prachi
i olways expect the bestest comments from you and u never fail to disappoint me, either.
thank you.