Learning to stick...

When I was young,young enough where my mind was uninfluenced, uninspired to be impressed upon and all that I was armed with was a rather naive understanding of the world.......Yes, that was the time when some of my most important character traits were born.Some of my most prominent character traits include my extreme anger, my belief in honesty and hard work and my aversion to guys.

Funny it is. I was deeply influenced by my dad to be honest in matters of money and merit. I never accepted something which was not duly earned by me. So much so, that I promptly asked my teacher to flunk me when I was in sixth grade...My Math teacher had given me 42/100 (I barely managed to pass...which was good as I'd been flunking in my last two terminals). Much to my dismay, I found out that there was a calculation mistake. My score was only 36/100. I counted and re-counted. It was still 36/100. My heart sank and still I went back to the teacher and asked her to rectify the mistake. She looked at me scornfully (obviously, your math teacher is not going to be very pleased by you, if you tell her that she has committed a calculation error). On second thoughts, she might as well have been thinking whether I was out of my mind! Anyhow, she promptly changed the 42 to 36 with a big red mark, FAIL written on my answer sheet. 

I was happy that day. I had managed to stay true to myself. It's an altogether different fact that the rest of the class was jeering at me, calling me a jerk to have done that! The scolding that I got from my family for failing again didn't make things any better either. 

The next semester I promptly passed, with a score of (hold your breath) 84/100. (thanks to my new math tutor). 
I remember I was crying when I got my answer sheet. I was happy, while the teacher kept glaring at me scornfully. (yes, she hated me for some unfathomable reason. My math teachers have never really liked me anyhow). 

That was years ago. Cut to the present. I'm grown up, still trying to stick to those ideals. People still make fun of me, all the time. And sadly enough, I get to know about it (hurts!). I see people around me , squandering their parent's wealth, flunking, getting fake degrees and they still call me a jerk for I don't drive a posh car ( what posh, I don't even drive a car or a bicycle for that matter), I don't hang out at the famous nightclubs, I'm always slogging, not living my life and  I'm not COOL enough ..whatever.

My most major struggle has been not to give in to sycophancy and believe me, I've been paying quite a heavy price for it for quite some time now. I know my life will be a hell lot easier only If I could tweak my rigid morals a bit here and there...But I am not going to do it. I respect myself. I want to continue respecting myself. 
Maybe I will drive a car one day, the one that is hard earned and I will have enough time to go clubbing and partying without having to worry about my assignments, my submissions, magazines and what not!

Till then, I'll try to be content with my life. I'll try to crib a little less. And make peace with myself because this is the life I chose for myself. 

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything ~ Alexander Hamilton

P. S - The pic included is ironical to the content but it pretty much sums up my mental state. It says what my words couldn't.


Abhinav | March 1, 2010 at 10:52 PM

hi5 for staying with the truth.. even if we don't succeed in the end, atleast we can die proudly..!!

Yes you will.. someday!

peter | March 2, 2010 at 3:05 PM

That was beautifully written :)

I follow truth but I fail at dare..i.e i am bad in confessing it. So congratulations Miss Prianca it looks like you are one step ahead ;)

And yes one suggestion don't postpone fun when you can have it right now, coz later you might have enough money to drive a Lex or a Benz and to party at the most happening places around the world but you may not have the reason to do the same. So enjoy as much as you can once in a while ...when these assignments and tasks start eating your brain up.

I liked the quote at the end :)

pb | March 2, 2010 at 3:07 PM

i knw how hard it is to be the honest jerk when everbody is busy cheating in the exam . i rem me losing some 15 marks ( which wernt mine at the first place ) in 4th standard similarly.
but what we call truth is mostly a falsy , a hypothetical concept created to avoid mayhem in society , i grew up to belive it dsnt exist .anything we do can only bring us closer to the adrenaline rush we feel when we do right ( which they call God )
woof .. u left me thinking ....hate it :P

aditi | April 5, 2010 at 10:28 PM

glad to hear that there are still some honest people around!!!!
Thought the world was devoid of them now........
I am a bit like you in this matter though I do not think I have the courage to implement it that strictly......still...i have my own set of ideals....and I try to stand by it as much as possible.......