I have my fingers crossed....

There is a lot of stuff about me which even the closest of my pals don't know about. Random stuff, such as I keep imagining how would my sister react when I run away for a world trip from home (which is never going to happen *wink*). Everybody has some random details which are not worth telling to others. I had one such random detail, hmm, online secret, should we say, about me. I loved this particular blog...

I can't recall how I came across this blog for the first time. But I'd been hooked ever since. I never marked it in the following list or blog roll and all that jazz. And still I used to visit it everyday, hoping for a new post. So much so, that the name of her blog became the password for my lappy. There are things which tend to stick with you. Her words were one of them. The reason why I loved this blog so much was precisely because the author of the blog was exactly my age. Blogging for her seemed to be a refuge from the world around her. She was from  Constitución, i suppose. She never posted anything very specific about her life, just random ponderings and thoughts. Her thoughts were exactly like mine. Only that she cared enough to post them. I didn't. It was fun going to someone else's blog and reading your own thoughts. A frequent blogger she is.

Sadly enough, she has not posted in a long time now. And I'm scared. I have this stupid, stupid premonition that she is not well or something. She lived in the town which suffered the maximum damage in the recent earthquake to have hit 53 countries. While working, while studying, I keep wondering what she would be doing right now. Is she all right? If she is, why isn't she posting something? I can't comment or get in touch since she'd always disabled comments on her blog. She might wouldn't even know that I exist on other side of the globe. And she hasn't posted anything since the quake. 

I know I think way too much. I know I should better worry about thousand other things in my life which are not right. I know she might be plain busy or not in a mood to post anything. But it's been quite some time now and it's strange because she used to post everyday. E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y

I'm not selfish or waiting for her post to kill my boredom. I just hope she is alright. 

We have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic ~ Susan Jeffers 

Learning to stick...

When I was young,young enough where my mind was uninfluenced, uninspired to be impressed upon and all that I was armed with was a rather naive understanding of the world.......Yes, that was the time when some of my most important character traits were born.Some of my most prominent character traits include my extreme anger, my belief in honesty and hard work and my aversion to guys.

Funny it is. I was deeply influenced by my dad to be honest in matters of money and merit. I never accepted something which was not duly earned by me. So much so, that I promptly asked my teacher to flunk me when I was in sixth grade...My Math teacher had given me 42/100 (I barely managed to pass...which was good as I'd been flunking in my last two terminals). Much to my dismay, I found out that there was a calculation mistake. My score was only 36/100. I counted and re-counted. It was still 36/100. My heart sank and still I went back to the teacher and asked her to rectify the mistake. She looked at me scornfully (obviously, your math teacher is not going to be very pleased by you, if you tell her that she has committed a calculation error). On second thoughts, she might as well have been thinking whether I was out of my mind! Anyhow, she promptly changed the 42 to 36 with a big red mark, FAIL written on my answer sheet. 

I was happy that day. I had managed to stay true to myself. It's an altogether different fact that the rest of the class was jeering at me, calling me a jerk to have done that! The scolding that I got from my family for failing again didn't make things any better either. 

The next semester I promptly passed, with a score of (hold your breath) 84/100. (thanks to my new math tutor). 

I remember I was crying when I got my answer sheet. I was happy, while the teacher kept glaring at me scornfully. (yes, she hated me for some unfathomable reason. My math teachers have never really liked me anyhow). 

That was years ago. Cut to the present. I'm grown up, still trying to stick to those ideals. People still make fun of me, all the time. And sadly enough, I get to know about it (hurts!). I see people around me , squandering their parent's wealth, flunking, getting fake degrees and they still call me a jerk for I don't drive a posh car ( what posh, I don't even drive a car or a bicycle for that matter), I don't hang out at the famous nightclubs, I'm always slogging, not living my life and  I'm not COOL enough ..whatever.

My most major struggle has been not to give in to sycophancy and believe me, I've been paying quite a heavy price for it for quite some time now. I know my life will be a hell lot easier only If I could tweak my rigid morals a bit here and there...But I am not going to do it. I respect myself. I want to continue respecting myself. 

Maybe I will drive a car one day, the one that is hard earned and I will have enough time to go clubbing and partying without having to worry about my assignments, my submissions, magazines and what not!

Till then, I'll try to be content with my life. I'll try to crib a little less. And make peace with myself because this is the life I chose for myself. 

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything ~ Alexander Hamilton

P. S - The pic included is ironical to the content but it pretty much sums up my mental state. It says what my words couldn't.

Men and their stupid inquisitiveness

Let me think of it this way. . . you are only as good as your last performance. A small sabbatical is enough to entitle people around you to point fingers at you and deem you not good enough. You cannot be lucky in every frigging department of your life. I believe I got my fair share of luck in the talent and love department.

And for all those suckers who can't help but stalk me regarding my personal life, this is for you man-bitches

• I'm very much entitled to my share of personal life. Don't you dare interfere in it unless you are looking forward to be thoroughly insulted. If I trusted you and cared for you enough, I would have kept you in the loop. So, please don't try to figure out the details of my personal life and jump to ridiculous conclusions.
  
• Yes, I do not believe in god and in the concept of marriages. You heard me right. So, don't ya dare raise your eyebrows at me and decide that I'm not good enough for you. Because, I'm anyhow way out of your league and I am never going to give you even the remotest illusion that I'm interested in you. Try to accept it.
• I've had enough of guys who try to lecture me on how I should behave responsibly or get my moral ethics straight. I know my limits very much, thank you. Now, get the fuck out of my zone.

I know that I sound like an arrogant bitch on PMS for what I stated above but truth be told, I'm not. I'm in the most sensible moods of mine when I post this. It's just that I've been too drowned in work and the last thing I could expect was unnecessary male attention. Let me set the record straight for once and all - I'm not interested in you guys, alright?

The irony of life is such.

Men who are nice, well read and have a good sense of humor have got better things to do than hit on me. (And I secretly appreciate them for this)

Men who have got no brains but are all brawl can't stop bothering me. ( And I do not respect you guys at all)

P.S. On second thoughts, I had the most wonderful surprises bestowed on me this Valentines by S. I'm glad some good things are always there. True love is like a pet who will still lick you and love you on your return, no matter how cranky a day you've had at work. Bliss!

Don't let a man put anything over you except an umbrella ~ Mae West