Bheja Fry

I had often heard that each and every relationship comes with an expiry date. No matter how much you want to retain that bond, one day it will fade away.

There is so much happening in my life right now......sometimes, i never even get the time to sit back and realise if this is what i always wanted.........
I was looking back at my high school pics a few days back with a friend.....though he could only notice the drastic makeover I have undergone (i was a typical bespectacled nerd during my school days). I realised one more thing......I was smiling then. In each of the pics. It was a genuine, carefree smile. Not the fake, forced smile which i reserve especially for occasions, now, whenever someone screams on my face "SAY CHEESE".

One of my friend asked me today, Prianca, do you know yourself?
I didnt knew what to say. because very frankly speaking, i dont know whether i know myself or not.
I'll ask you, the one who is reading this blog,do you know yourself?
You might say Yes or No.
But what if you are forced to undergo this mental metamorphsis. Assume an identity in public, you know you cannot identify with. Then, would you be able to say as confidently that you know yourself?

I no longer try to fit in a group. Coz i never had a group as such. I am what I am. Just trying to be at peace with myself.
I always thought it would be terribly lonely to stay alone. The sheer thought of having no one close to talk to, to share your ups and downs freaks me out. literally.
As my luck would have it, some of the most cherished, precious people in my life are the ones who love staying alone.
Or simly put it in other words, dont feel the need to communicate with me as frequently as i do. Nevertheless, the emotional fool that i am, i know they will always be the most important people in my life.

I used to be a chatterbox once.....notoriously famous for my unending talking sprees. Then, as my friends gradually moved away, i started talking to myself. While travelling alone, while sitting idle, anywhere, anytime.
I talk a lot even today. Though its only in my mind now. It never finds a way out. Apart from these occasional blog posts. And my talks arent as chirpy, lively and optimistic. They are mostly dejected and depressed. As if this blog belongs to some 90 yr old grandma who has been through the prime of her life.

WHat the hell! iI am not even 20 yet.
This will have to change. Coz I hate the way things are right now.
The catch is I dont know how?

i just wonder whether the relationship which one shares with oneself comes with an expiry date too?
coz if it does, i have almost reached it
damn, a middle finger to this fucker feeling.

6 comments:

Charnita | September 12, 2008 at 7:00 PM

the answer to ur last question is "No"..the relationship wid self does not* come with an expiry date.
...
..loneliness..helps us grow in an amazing way.."he/she who stands alone is the strongest of all."
..the most important thing in life is to be happy...after all what is the use of any relationship..any 'metamorphosis' if u end u becumin a staight-faced lost individual..

hopin to see ur face lit up wid warm-broad-natural smiles...in d future pics of urs!

prianca | September 12, 2008 at 8:00 PM

thank you dear
yeah, this post was written on an impulse.
and thankfully, i have realised dat i aint ending my romance wid myself. teehee.;)

so, you will see me smiling more often now. hopefully.
coz i hv realised i am surrounded by some wonderful ppl like you. whose sheer presence, or a simple smile can enliven my day.
thanks. for everything

Prachi | September 20, 2008 at 12:14 AM
This comment has been removed by the author.
Prachi | September 20, 2008 at 2:35 AM

When someone asks the question-do you know who are you or rather say what are you or say why are you here for? Don't you think these are the most repeated questions that we keep asking ourselves whole day long. If i say whole day long, that means i mean every single word I'm penning down.. see.. given a whole 24 hours to us and with nothing else to do , you will definitely end up in asking such rhetoric to yourself. This is a natural human tendency. and girl , the fact is that none other than us knows who we are and what we are. The answer is always with us... as the question came out of our own depths.. so we have the answer as well in the same depth but hidden in many folds.. you just need to dive little more inside and there you have it.. breathing hard and getting frustrated at the sight of you holding it.. there is an adage-: "the answer of every riddle is in the middle.." life is a vicious circle.. it ends where it begins.. so similarly, answer is also within the folds of question that' been asked. who else other than you know what you are.. we humans are such a self conscious beings that we even know what we have done unintentionally, but this ego helds us from accepting the fact to such an extent that we feel " ohh!! this, this is done in oblivion... i didn't know i could end up this way.. it's just by mistake.." no! nothing is done by mistake.. everything in the human world is so intentional..
I say 'm enigma to myself.. this doesn't mean 'm the mysterious girl who is so unawares of her own self.. no.. never one can be unaware of one self.. you know what you are and who you are.. And, if you don't know.. and if you think this way, you will lose yourself in such an anonymity that it would be difficult to get hold of senses.... to be alive to the essence of life.. don't lose your "SELF" by delving into such rhetoric that i don't know what i am.. Otherwise you will be a mirror with many reflections but none yours.. empty space....a void.. you are life in its full fledged form.. a still river in which any wayfarer will drop a pebble to disturb the tranquility..don't let this happen... you are a woman.. female.. the essence that embodies the meaning of whole genesis..origination...

Every second .. even a fraction of second in life undergoes a metamorphosis... humans are actually chameleons.. out of restraint.. so changeable is their countenance.. with every second their moods fluctuates and expressions differs..

I never sort out things and even do not have such inclinations.. i love open ends...

Prianca | September 22, 2008 at 8:06 PM

@ prachi
i have just two words to say to you

THANK YOU
for everything
(okhay, dat makes it four..:), but i mean them, truly)

sammy | October 18, 2008 at 2:06 AM

well i actually dont thnk i need to say nethn as two gud frens of ur said as i knw u urself knw wot to do or wot nt to........ well after meetin u after a long span of 2 yrs or sumthn even i had tht same ques in maah mind tht "hey r u the same?".but nw after readin this blog of urs i may say u r the same well u always were gud nd just b the way u r...........