Scattered thoughts .......


People always come up to me and tell me that I think a lot. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. What leaves me thinking is that was it a compliment or a complaint?
Coz in my writing profession, ideally, it should be considered as an asset but the expression on people's faces around me suggest otherwise. Nevermind.

Once again, I'm standing at crossroads in my life. I don't know where will I be one month hence? Would I be studying somewhere? Would I still be working? Will I have to leave my hometown and move away??
questions, questions...they flog my mind. I'm restless. I'm tired and still there is so much more that is yet to be achieved.

I'm partly happy that I will be moving away. I always wanted to live alone. To experience freedom in its true spirit. To take charge of my own life and the added responsibilities. I'm sad at the thought of leaving my comfort zone. Of ditching all the luxuries I've always been so used to.

Ever since college has ended. Strangely, I feel I've matured overnight. I've had too many experiences, met too many people. There are people I would always treasure and people I wouldn't even like to recall about.

There is always this random wishlist which keeps going on in my mind. It might take a backseat when something more important comes up and demands immediate attention. However, the wishlist again comes buzzing back in my mind, reminding me of the things that I definitely want to achieve/do/say.

  • I once read somewhere that the world is like a book. And those who don't travel read only a page. I want to travel endlessly. Set out for an unknown destination and not return back. I guess I would love to be a travel writer one day. The idea of a journey exhilirates me.
  • I want to buy my own car, and a luxurious one. Mind you.
  • I want to be more assertive in my outlook. Not take bullshit from people who don't or are never going to matter in my life. I'm glad I'm already working towards it.
  • I always thought moving to a different city solves all your current problems by helping you start your life afresh. As the time for moving away nears, I wonder maybe it doesn't.
  • There have been a lot of people who came, stayed and move away from me in this journey called life. I can't even recall most of them today. For some, I wish that they would never have been there in the first place. These are the people who ditched me, deceived me, made me cry and finally, helped me to wisen up.
  • I always wish only if I could get a chance again to be face- to-face with those mean people. Only this time, I would let them know how much they suck. And what big, fat losers they are. But on the hindsight, I'm glad I'll never meet them again. I have no place for bitches in my life now.
  • And there is a really long list of people who came into my life only to make it more meaningful. I found a mirror soul in a dear friend, called Prachi. I allowed myself to become a woman who has for once loved selflessly, who has for once given his heart to a man and not regret it. Thanks mickey mouse.
Mickey says I have a problem with my life. I have a pretty luxurious life, btw. But still, I'm always slogging myself, testing myself, epxeriencing all the harsh realities which perhaps, I really didn't need to considering my comfortable upbringing. But then, that's life.

23 comments:

sush | May 23, 2009 at 3:45 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
sush | May 23, 2009 at 3:48 PM

Hey been a silent follower of your blog for quiet sometime ,not by choice though but due to some crazy work load , but finally breaking the silence lol (was searching google for some 90's shows 2m back and came across ur I love 90's and I am now hooked to your blog.)

Love each and every post of ur's very much and I coudn't agree more abt some of them like the
posts abt friends,G-talk,Trig Tring and many more.

Congratulations for the Job (even though u may be thinking of quitting to persue further studies )and for completing your graduation.

Well I can imagine how it feels to leave ur comfort zone .But its totally worth it I guess.What ever u do if you have your heart in it every thing gonna be fine.

Like your wish list, particularly the things you wish to say people loll .I have to master that.


And I like the last para suits me too .

Enough of my banter. Sorry if I scared u with my gate crashing.

looking forward to your posts.All the best for everything.
keep updating.Want to know about your new job.
Lots of love
Sushruta.

peter | May 23, 2009 at 5:01 PM

best of luck for ur new journey :)
But mind you running away from your problems will never help u, not even if u keep changing ur cities ..new problems will crop up so just start enjoying it..in the new town and since i dun want to sound like a gyaani baba anymore..i would shut now :P :P

Rahul | May 23, 2009 at 7:07 PM

Chill yaar...like u the way u r!

Biswajit | May 25, 2009 at 6:01 AM

hey...i dont know how i came across your profile and then to your blog...but whatever I saw I liked it...would visit your blog sometime again..although it does sound like a diary in tone but the stuff you have written is good..you write well...kee[ writing..cheers

Prianca | May 26, 2009 at 1:30 PM

@ sush
thank you so much sushruta.(hope m spelling it ryt:))
nd no u did not scare me, in fact it was a pleasant surprise to read ur comment.
thanks for all d appreciation.

Prianca | May 26, 2009 at 1:31 PM

@ peter
lol..yup, i know the probs do not end..so m slowly learning to embrace them and deal wid em.

@ rahul
thanks pal

Prianca | May 26, 2009 at 1:32 PM

@ biswajit
u're ryt..its more like my online diary..neways..thanks for d cheering words :)

WarmSunshine | May 26, 2009 at 7:25 PM

Thank you for dropping by. This is quite a girlish place, the kind i like :)

You're most welcome to drop by anytime you like :)

PLP | May 27, 2009 at 1:47 AM

Prianca, I love this post of yours...needless to say, I see my thoughts reflected in this. Reflected perfectly.

You and I seem to be standing at the same crossroads more or less and I know exactly how you feel. This post is beautifully written, I couldnt have written it so well myself! I wish you the best of luck. And you're right, I don't want to stick to one page either.

If I had a mickey, he'd say the same maybe!!

closing eyes | May 27, 2009 at 2:38 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
closing eyes | May 27, 2009 at 2:40 PM

Umm.. again a burglary. Chanced upon it. I must say you write neatly. There is a continuity of thoughts and they seem to roll down crisply.

Congratulations and advices are in order.

1) Congrats for your job.

2) I can understand the gravity of the situation you are in. Situation is a little swampy which demand that you make a correct decision. And that too at a drop of a hat. The whole course of life is so forked that it is imperative to be thinking, and even worrying. This is just a phase. With a little of resilience and assessment of the options, I think you would make a fair decision. If it were to prove unpalatable in the long run, regret not.

I am a little sad to think that your bf is not dropping by. May you meet him soon. Only in absence do precious people become more conspicuous.

Pikku is getting impatient. So I would have to stop here. Let me see if I can force him to be here again , once your next post comes by.

Wishes.

Prianca | May 27, 2009 at 10:39 PM

@ Warm sunshine
yup, i'll surely do :))

@ PLP
i olways end up nodding in agreement while reading your comments....same crossroads...same lives..you bet!!!:)

Prianca | May 27, 2009 at 10:42 PM

@ closing eyes
This is the first time i am utterly shocked to find a comment on my blog. No, its not the nature of your blog but your current state which shocked me. I visited your blog, intrigued by the queer ending of your comment...

m numb, m speechless.
i dont know you for sure...but i feel like saluting you...hope you survive...whatever ailment it is..else the earth would be a lil more lonely place in the absence of highly learned individuals like you. amen.

Prachi Joshi | May 28, 2009 at 9:07 PM

..... the fact lies hidden beneath the sheet of affectations. People don't understand me; they don't know how to read in between the lie. If you are an avid reader you must know what it is to read the line’ and ‘read in between the lines’.
Often, written words speaks a story, and one story is narrated by the meaning of those words, also, one another story is told by author who didn't intend her words to be the way they are now and speaking something different then what she intended to..... Sometimes, not saying says everything, isn’t it my dearest hop lesly wild girl.
You know what you are, and you like what you are, you do not intend to change….do you? really?
You do not want to show anything and vindicate any of your hurt feeling, do you? Really?
No, you don’t, because you have already moved beyond those days…. Don’t delude yourself girl, it will be risky…. But chaotic love risk…. Isn’t it?
After writing this comment I felt most of the sheep in flocks won’t get what I meant… but comment is intended for you…
Love you little girl!
Good Luck!

Sucharita Sarkar | May 30, 2009 at 1:34 AM

End of college s such a transtional period...enjoy the change.

BTW, your ABOUT ME profile was neat.

BrownPhantom | May 30, 2009 at 8:01 AM

I am sorta feeling jealous of you due to the exciting phase of life you are in. New beginnings await :). Though the initital days might be tough, especially when u r usedd to the luxuries. But that is needed to explore and learn. Good luck :).

closing eyes | May 30, 2009 at 9:31 AM

I never wanted you to visit it and grow sad in the process.
Probably current scenario in your life egged me to reminisce and write you something. The strings of past , though untouched for long, trembling and ever so brittle, always hum a tune if someone manages to strum it. Sometimes a slight roll of fingers over it does the trick.

Thanks for your prayer. I am not an object of pity , but at the end every one wants to reach out for his bag and gather as much warmth as possible. :)

wishes.

Little Girl Lost | May 31, 2009 at 3:48 PM

i love the way you have woven your nervous excitement into words. beautiful post...

Prianca | June 1, 2009 at 11:53 AM

@ prachi
it takes me at least ten minutes to register in my mind what you intended to say via your comments...cryptic they are...thank you for all your love and placing your faith in me prachi.
yep, i finally did get what you intended to say.

@ sucharita
thank you for d unusual comment. felt nice though. :)

Prianca | June 1, 2009 at 11:54 AM

@ brown phantom
thank you for d wishes.

@ rivers i have known
thanks dear. :)

Prianca | June 1, 2009 at 11:55 AM

@ closing eyes

nopes, my intention wasn't to hurt your self esteem. nor to pity you.
in fact, you demand respect and admiration thru ur scribbles. u seem to know a lot...are knowledgeable thus powerful in the true sense.
wishes

closing eyes | June 2, 2009 at 10:30 AM

Nope. The self-esteem wasn't even touched. Over the years, I have learned to sniff the emotion out of any written piece. You were no where even close to hurting me.

I am eagerly waiting for your next post. Jot it fast for Pete's sake. :P